Tikaani&Aiyana Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 Okay so there is someone i work with that i used to consider quite a good friend until she started coming out with really racist comments. She has also made comments about the Nazis how she agrees with what they did:o?!! She never used to be like this until she met her current boyfriend who is a few years younger than her and racist! She used to be a lovley girl but I cant seem to be friends with her since she has started saying these things and by doing so offend me, my family and numerous other people in the office. It also seems to be clear that she does not realise the impact of some of the things she says. This happened a while ago and we cleared the air about it but then i found this on her facebook status today: "..........is glad Eastenders is showing religion for what it really is..." Is it just me or is that really offensive to people who have a religion?!! (sorry to those of you who dont know what is happening in Eastenders at the moment). Does it not imply that religious people are all loons who go around murdering people?!! Or have i got this completely wrong? I seem to be the only person in the office standing up to her about it and her reply was that it isn't offensive it's just her opinion! Clearly not because i know she is an atheist which is fine because thats IS her opinion but a comment like that is a different thing. I cant get throught to her & it will be really sad if we can't continue to be friends because of this but for me it is the final straw:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Miss Bump Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 hun as you say everyone is entitiled to their own opinion but to me personally i wouldn't be happy being friends with someone like that-kick her to the kerb!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magical Merlin Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 i'd say yes it is her oppinion, BUT that is anti religion and therefore could be offensive. My parents are religious and I know that they would find that really offensive. If you've already tried to speak to her about it then I guess all your left with is to stop being friends. You can hide peoples status on FB by clicking hide next to what they have wrote and then it wont show their stuff anymore. ETA - to say the Nazis were right is disgusting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kroush Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 It is an opinion, a heavily sided one, but an opinion. It'd be the same as a Christian telling an atheist "Well when the apocalypse happens and you aren't taken, maybe you'll rethink." However, if she knows she's offending you and won't stop, I would reconsider your friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Spider_Crazy_Removed Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 I agree with Krouch, but kinda different. How can a non-religious not talk about this but we all get these "join our religion" YOUR THE DEVIL if you dont kinda cr*p, I think she can say that and I would say its not offensive BUT im not religous. If it offeneds you then I wuld say not to be with someone like that as life is bad inuf without adding extra rubbish like that. Peter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raindog Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 Lots of people have opinions which offend me, but in the final analysis, either we have freedom of speech or we don't. I agree with Voltaire - "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.†Mick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted July 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 Thanks guys I was beginning to think it was just me overeacting! It does offend quite a lot as my as my mother is german, my father is a vicar and my brother in law is mixed race so she's got me on all aspects there! Not all religious people try to push it onto other people and I think there is a big stereotype surrounding that. You would never tell my dad is a vicar if you met him on the street. It fine for her to have her opinions and I am very open minded so each to their own but its the comments are what i find offensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 I can guarantee my OPINION on religion would offend, not just judeo christian but ALL religious people. However I only voice my opinions when I know I am in a position where all participants are agreed to a frank and open discussion. (well except when bible wavers knock on my door. . . then they deserve and get both barrels).However to voice an unsolicited opinion when they KNOW it will offend is plain rude and inconsiderate. I live by a general rule of treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. This person is being deliberately offensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted July 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 I can guarantee my OPINION on religion would offend, not just judeo christian but ALL religious people. However I only voice my opinions when I know I am in a position where all participants are agreed to a frank and open discussion. (well except when bible wavers knock on my door. . . then they deserve and get both barrels).However to voice an unsolicited opinion when they KNOW it will offend is plain rude and inconsiderate. I live by a general rule of treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. This person is being deliberately offensive. Thanks Andy. i think the main thing this time is she knew how it upset me before & she has now done it again. She is into her alternative clothes and really heavy rock music which is totally different to me but I would never dream of saying anything that would offend her . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Val (Zebedee) Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 Naomi, if you have brought the subject up with her & she knows how you feel about it, but has gone on & done it again, maybe you should rethink your friendship with her. If she has decided to become this way through influence from someone else & is happy to do so, and cannot take your feelings into consideration also, perhaps she is not who you thought she was & is best left to her thoughts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BingBlaze n Skyla Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 i agree with what every1 has sed - whilst we have 'freedom of speach' sometimes people need to think before they open their mouths and not spout out racist or offensive comments - its just plain rudeness! - if i was u hun id stay clear from her x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunc Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 I can't stand folk that do not or refuse to understand the difference between being a racist and being non-religious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dygosamikita Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 I wouldn't say that that particular comment is racist just anti-religion. Other comments she has made though my very well have been racist. I feel everyone has there own opinion and are entitled to it. But I also feel that people should take into consideration the feelings of people around them before making comments that or more likely than normal to offend. If I found the views/comments of someone offensive I would distance myself from them. If she is making racist comments at work then your employers are obligated to take action. If they do not do something about it they are leaving themselves wide open for a lawsuit. Being in a position of management in my workplace, I suggest that you bring the issue up with your supervisor/manager, giving them specific things that have been said. I know it may feel like you are telling tales, but depending how big of a place you work at, a lawsuit could potential be detrimental to your job as a lot of small companies could take the financial burden. Especially since you have already spoken to her about the issue it is evident that she is not going to sort the issue herself. On a side note - I am a Christian and the whole Lucas storyline on Eastenders is making me rather sick. I really wish they would end it already and throw him in the bloomin' canal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted July 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 Thanks for the advice Rachel x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saffmonster Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 I also agree that people have a right to their opinions, but people have to be aware that there is a time and place to voice them. People can't just go blurting things out in front of others when they don't know what their views are as there is a chance you may offend. If you are in the presence of other anti-semites, then love the nazis for what they did and hate jews. But keep those views to yourself as they are really offensive and upsetting. (By the way, I'm talking generally and not about anything anyone has said on here). Now, if that comment about nazis would have been said in front of me I would have been VERY upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted July 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 Thanks Dani, one her friends commented that i was 'too sensitive'...was starting to think i was! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akcruisehuskies Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 You know, if you wanted to play "devil's advocate" you may strike up a healthy debate with her. Perhaps she thinks she is educating you in efforts to convert you. Try to see if she is indeed being influenced by her bf, or if she has actually researched these ideals for herself and truly believes in them. If you cause her to actually think about what she is saying, maybe she will realize that you know just as much as her and are firm in you beliefs. Maybe she will realize that she is believing blindly. Maybe she is genuine. Regardless, it may be fun For example: If she brings up how she agrees with Nazism, politely ask "Which part of Nazism do you agree with? Specific beliefs? WHY?" For religion, maybe "If you HAD to chose any religion, current or dead, what would it be and why?" Just remember to keep it professional, mature, and adult. If it gets out of hand, be the bigger person and suggest to agree to disagree. Or just suggest that right off if you do not want to question her Good Luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted July 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 You know, if you wanted to play "devil's advocate" you may strike up a healthy debate with her. Perhaps she thinks she is educating you in efforts to convert you. Try to see if she is indeed being influenced by her bf, or if she has actually researched these ideals for herself and truly believes in them. If you cause her to actually think about what she is saying, maybe she will realize that you know just as much as her and are firm in you beliefs. Maybe she will realize that she is believing blindly. Maybe she is genuine. Regardless, it may be fun For example: If she brings up how she agrees with Nazism, politely ask "Which part of Nazism do you agree with? Specific beliefs? WHY?" For religion, maybe "If you HAD to chose any religion, current or dead, what would it be and why?" Just remember to keep it professional, mature, and adult. If it gets out of hand, be the bigger person and suggest to agree to disagree. Or just suggest that right off if you do not want to question her Good Luck! I like the way you think! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid_Wolf Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 Havent read the whole thread but i would say that shes out of order! Especially as she works in a school which has many different cultures, i mesn wat if guru saw that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted July 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 Havent read the whole thread but i would say that shes out of order! Especially as she works in a school which has many different cultures, i mesn wat if guru saw that? Exactly! Guru actually did come in onto a conversation i was having about it with someone else & he was not impressed! Students have said quite a few inappropriate things to him also Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid_Wolf Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 I know i think some in my group have n he wasnt impressed lol he gets so much crap i do feel sorry for him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arlene5548 Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 i find all that quite disgusting,especially to the wonderful people who died for us all in the 2nd world war fighting the nazis. forget her....no friend to yours...appears to have no mind of her own....how sad for her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser&me Posted July 14, 2010 Report Share Posted July 14, 2010 Sounds to me like she really doesn't have an opinion, certainly one based around any facts or beliefs, and is simply using statements like that as an image accessory. Having a right to an opinion and the freedom to speak freely isn't an excuse to purposely insult or offend people like some people seem to think. If she is your friend then I think someone above suggested the best thing to do would be talk to her about it, I'd agree with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted July 14, 2010 Report Share Posted July 14, 2010 "..........is glad Eastenders is showing religion for what it really is..." Its a fairly uneducated comment to make, lots of loons in this world past and present are very religious people but theres also millions who don't go around murdering/bombing etc. I'm fairly anti-religious but i don't shout it from the rooftops as it can be offensive to some and i don't think their all crackpots. Although i have had some intersting convo's with johovah's witness's when they knock on the door trying to push their belives onto me. The nazi comment is out of order Like most things in religion imo, she very misguided. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted July 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2010 Thanks for the helpful comments I couldn't brought myself to talk to hear on Monday & Tues as I am still so angry and had a lot of stuff to sort out for work. But now she is off for holiday & I finish Fri for 5 weeks! One of my colleagues suggest she might come in and apologise to me on monday......no such luck! I would not expect anything less from her as she seemed so adamant that she was in the right. As far as our friendship goes I can say for now its over from my point of view, I dont have contact with her outside of work anymore since she got her new boyfriend & new group of friends. I hate confrontation so will let you know if i ever manage to pluck up the courage to speak to her about it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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