Mistyrayn Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Men can play with toys all their life. Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like. Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season. Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache. Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife. Men's bellies usually hide their large hips. Chocolate is just another snack. The whole garage belongs to them. Weddings take care of themselves. Men's last name never changes. Everything on a man's face stays its original color. Men only have to shave their faces and necks. Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades. Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes. For men, wrinkles add character. Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase. Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet. Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw. Men have one mood all the time. A wedding dress cost £5000. A tuxedo rental - £100 Men can open all their own jars. and a few extra.. God made man before woman so the man would have time to think of an answer for the woman's first question. Men, you may think you have a command of the English language, but when it comes to communicating with women, you may be surprised. Here a dictionary of Womanese. Master these terms and you'll find your relationship with women greatly improved. The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1). Five Minutes - If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.) Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3) Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!) Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.) Differences Between Man and Women Names If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara. If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla. Eating Out When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in £20, even though the total is only £34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back. When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. Money A man will pay £10 for a £5 item he needs. A woman will pay £5 for a £10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale. Bathrooms A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6. The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them. Arguments Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument. Future A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife. Success A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife. A successful woman is one who can find that a man. Marriage A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. Dressing Up A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. Natural Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed. Women will somehow deteriorate during the night. Children A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Thought for the Day Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing. Te Be Ten Again You really have to give this guy an A+ for effort. George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?" His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be Ten again." George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy. As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be Ten again?" Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 ROFLMFAO. . . brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boshka Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 Hummmmmmmm Had to be a bloke that posted this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BingBlaze n Skyla Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 God made man before woman - because you always have 2 make a rough draft before a masterpeice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valhalla Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 I have noticed that some of that is actualy true, :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meeshsalts Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 all that just to say that man's routine is boring with no variation, one colour suits all, boring, that's why i saw sense and moved to the superior race, now have variation in my life, can where whatever colour i want and can still do things on this list if i really want to like Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache. not that i ever would Jennifer :g_tongue: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BingBlaze n Skyla Posted March 16, 2011 Report Share Posted March 16, 2011 all that just to say that man's routine is boring with no variation, one colour suits all, boring, that's why i saw sense and moved to the superior race, now have variation in my life, can where whatever colour i want and can still do things on this list if i really want to like Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache. not that i ever would Jennifer :g_tongue: +1 FTW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherZeman Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 My mom sent me this, so I created my own list and sent it right back! But if you're a woman... If you have a crappy last name you get to change it. The garage is always cold!...I'd rather have the warm kitchen that smells like fresh-baked cookies or the cozy bedroom. Chocolate is just another snack for anyone...moderation is key. Women can be President...it will happen in this lifetime. Women can wear a white shirt or NO shirt to a water park...you'll be the most popular girl there! Car mechanics pretty much lie to everyone...you should take it upon yourself to be an informed consumer. You shouldn't have to think about which way to turn a nut on a bolt...everyone know's righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. Same work should demand same pay...be courageous enough to assert yourself. Only idiots/those with money pay $5000 for a wedding dress. Besides, weddings ARE for women, the man is just a minute detail. Women get free stuff from the men who stare at their chests. New shoes lift your buttocks and give you a swing in your step...won't see a man's shoe do that. No one has one mood, women just have many more because we're emotional creatures. No one really talks on the phone anymore anyway, it's all about texting. You can know stuff about tanks too, it's called Google. You can open all jars on your own too...if you have one of them rubber circle thingies. If someone forgets to invite you, are they really your friend after all? Women have no problem making new friends anyway! Your underwear is $8.95 for a 3 pack...at TJMaxx or Marshalls! Three pairs of shoes is just plain boring. Guys don't have strap problems in public, but you can catch them itching/adjusting their balls like every 6 seconds. Your clothes shouldn't be wrinkly when we have awesome products like Downy Wrinkle Release. Everything on your face can be touched up with a little makeup...only male drag queens get that luxury. Hairstyles aren't meant to last for years, especially not decades. You don't have to shave your face or neck!...well some unfortunate women might... You can play with toys all your life too...especially in the form of clothes, makeup, hair products, etc! Just like playing dress up! The more purses and shoes you have, the longer it takes them to wear out and look dingy. You can wear shorts no matter what your legs look like...just look at the Harley Davidsonesque women. It's about having confidence...or carelessness! You can do your nails with a pocket nail file. AND pick up flat objects (credit cards, coins) on a flat surface! Only porn stars and Burt Reynolds can rock a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for everyone in 5 minutes online...or just buy gift cards. Now if you're a woman: You can control the universe by showing a little cleavage or a sexy smile. You never have to lift heavy things EVER when there's a man around to do it! Same goes for having to fix things around the house...not when there's a man! You don't have to worry about getting lost anymore, thanks to GPS! You get to experience the special bond of motherhood when you are pregnant. Women naturally have amazing memory-retainment and never have to stress over forgetting an important date. Men are expected to spend more money on women...dates, anniversaries, Valentine's Day gifts, etc. Women can improve their looks with hair dye, makeup, push-up bras, and control tops...men are left with what they got! Women have to spend less time opening doors when in the company of gentlemen. Women are natural multi-taskers and can accomplish things simultaneously. Women can wear glitter and sequins every day and in public! If it wasn't for women, most men would sit around the house with no friends, not doing anything. Women give men a life! Women can have it all and do it all! NO WONDER WOMEN ARE HAPPIER! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meeshsalts Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 +1 heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Miss Bump Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 pmsl excellent thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BingBlaze n Skyla Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 +1 heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 Hahahaha this is AWESOME!!! (+1) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah Posted March 17, 2011 Report Share Posted March 17, 2011 +1 Heather!!!! To all the men................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alberto Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 When men get married they get three rings; engagement ring wedding ring suffering Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slash79 Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 Thought for the Day Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing. HA HA HA HA HA!!!! SOOOOOOOOO true! Me and Emma went on holiday five years ago and I still haven't been forgiven! It wasn't my fault I wiped all the photos off the camera the day before we came home....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted April 13, 2011 Report Share Posted April 13, 2011 brilliant!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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