flyingspanner Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 When a pilot has a defect with the aircraft he makes an entry in the Aircraft Log. This then needs to be cleared by an Engineer These are a few of the funniest ones I've ever seen Something loose in cockpit. Something tightened in cockpit. Left-inside main tyre almost needs replacing. Almost replaced left-inside main tyre. Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500lbs. Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300lbs. Unfamiliar noise coming from No2 engine. Engine run for three hours. Noise now familiar. Mouse in cockpit. Cat installed. Target radar hums. Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Number three engine missing. [not firing properly presumably] Engine found on starboarding after brief search. Pilot's clock inoperative. Wound clock. Aircraft handles funny. Aircraft told to straighten up, fly right and be serious. Whining sound heard on engine shutdown. Pilot removed from aircraft. Noise coming from under instrument panel - sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Took hammer away from midget. Suspected crack in windshield. Suspect you are right. IFF inoperative. [iFF = Identification, Friend or Foe.] IFF always inoperative in 'off' mode. Test flight okay except Auto-Land very rough. Auto-Land is not installed on this aircraft. No2 ADF needle runs wild. [ADF = Automatic Direction Finder/Finding?] Caught and tamed No2 ADF needle. Turn and slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns. Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn! Dead bugs on windshield. Live bugs on order. Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces 200 feet per minute descent. Cannot reproduce problem on ground. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Evidence removed. Three roaches in cabin. One roach killed, one wounded, one got away. DME volume set unbelievably loud. [DME = Distance Measuring Equipment?] DME volume set to more believable level. No2 propeller seeping prop fluid. No2 propeller seepage normal. Nos 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. That's what they are for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingspanner Posted August 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Well that'll teach me to preview a thread before I post it, and not just copy & paste it. At least I've sorted it now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sutsibe Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Why? It's still amusing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingspanner Posted August 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Why? It's still amusing... When I first posted it, it was all over the place. I had to move everything round so it lined up properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sutsibe Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 When I first posted it, it was all over the place. I had to move everything round so it lined up properly. I saw it before - it does look neater, now, but was still legible previously! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Removed #5 Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 And as many times as I've seen this one, I still find I enjoy it!! Technician / mechanic humour can be the best in the world! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 haha I've see nthat before its good Customer: "Right! I demand satisfaction!" Tech Support: "I see. Well, I'm here to try and help you. What kind of problem are you having?" Customer: "It's not my problem! The 'commuter' I bought six weeks ago just won't work! I can't do a damned thing with it!" Tech Support: "I see. Do you mean it won't even switch on, or is it something else?" Customer: "Don't try to sandbag me! I know my rights!" Tech Support: "Sir, could you explain the problem you are having so I can better help you with it?" Customer: "I've called them all, AOL, Nildram, Tiscali, and none of them are any good." Tech Support: "Ok, so are you saying that you're having problems getting on-line?" Customer: "Look, it doesn't work! I want satisfaction!" Tech Support: "Ok, well I need to ask you some questions to help you with the problem." Customer: "Fine, but I doubt you're going to fix it." Tech Support: "Is your modem installed and plugged into the phone line?" Customer: "How would I know if it's plugged in?" Tech Support: (describes how the back of the machine looks and where the modem is) Customer: "Yes, that's just how mine looks, and it doesn't work, so just accept that it's broken!" Tech Support: "Which cable did you connect the modem to the phone line with, sir?" Customer: "I have to wire the stupid thing in?" working in tech support myself I know it can get like this ' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueWolf Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Thanx for the Laff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Val (Zebedee) Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 Seen some of those before but DEFINITELY still funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Removed #5 Posted August 25, 2011 Report Share Posted August 25, 2011 A lady friend of mine worked as tech support for an internet provider, one of her favorites stories (not hers but fond on the web) was about this technician who walked a customer through everything he could think of - and then finally realized the computer wasn't even plugged in! For those who are hard core customer support techs, here's a web site that has some real prizes. Many are dated but you can just see the tech getting ready to pull someones hair out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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