To be fair (not a negative rant)

[TreyRust]

I know I don't post a lot on here anymore, I just thought I should be fair to the people I've ranted about in the past. I'm posting this in the steam room because it's not necessarily something I want public, but since I've given a lousey half of it to you guys already, I think it's a good idea to point out why it's gotten like this and why I've complained about my family (Namely: My mother) in the past.

So, it started about 10 years ago when my grandfather (on my dad's side) died, this is the time I would later regard as "The beginning of the end of a functional life". So, Dad went through a lot during this time obviously, we all did, but note: It was hard on him (this will be a recurring theme)

Then Hurricane Katrina hit my Aunt (Dad's sister), her inssurance was crap or something and had to pay for the repairs out of pocket, but not her pocket. They decided to get a lien on part of the property, Dad only agreed to 5 acres (of the 75, although he only inherited half, his sister the other), it was all smiles, grins and handshakes until later he found out that the lien was on the whole 75 acres... This was hard on him.

The guy who "helped" (my aunt's husband, who was a lawyer) him said "There's nothing wrong with a lien as long as you make the payments", yeah no @#$%!

This all hit him pretty hard, and then he was diagnosed with meniere's disease (I don't think that diagnosis is correct, because from what I've heard about it, they don't seem to know dust bunnies about it), which made him lose hearing in his left(?) ear, he also got really bad, crawl worthy vertigo and all the joys and bunnies that come with it.

So needless to say he lost his job at mountain air cargo. From what I remember (I was like 6-8 when this happened) it start while he was flying and his co-pilot had to take over.

So, things spiraled down from there... Yes there's plenty more.

Flashback to when I was probably 2, Mom got in a really horrible car accident that very nearly killed her. I don't remember it, but she has been off ever since, the doctor said she just needed to relax and be greatful she still has life. Being the * person she is, she didn't get counselling (which is a damn, damn shame), and my sister remembers living with her afterwards, where she put peanut butter in the fridge, didn't remember birthdays etc, for about a year I guess? Either way she still doesn't remember the year I was born (unless I've already told her enough). Aaand this hurt dad as well (duh, since their relationship was pretty much in ruins afterwards and until now showed no signs of getting better, even now I doubt it will work out after we (me and my sister) leave).

At this point mom was the only one doing anything to keep up with the house, we used to live in an immaculate house, then she just gave up under the pressure (oh yeah, my counsin was murdered about this time too so that was stress on all of us, Dad as well since he was the only in-law of mom's that Dad liked) which is why I get so frustrated with her "cleaning" habbits these days, as well as her "cooking" ones... She basically says she gave up because we didn't help out but honestly, I was 7, not nearly enough intuition to realize what was going on. This is why I get so frustrated with how we live now, I rolled with it at first because I didn't reconignize the classic signs of an addict ("I can stop any time I want") and didn't realize until recently that I was cheated out of about 8 years of living in a clean house with round meals.

So, things with the lien didn't get any better... I have a general idea of what happened, and I was told thousands of times but I just black out because it's just so convoluted (and.................dad................talks..................slow.............with....................complicated..............sentences and it drives me friggin' crazy!!!!!). But a LOT happened, just nothing really important except it changed hands and there was something about developing the property (a year before the house market crashed, thank god that plan crashed first), stuff like that. Oh and the people we have it with now art total scumbags so we've been trying to fight them jacking up the prices for the past several years too... Dis howeat (sound it out) him.

But one thing I will point out is, remember when I was about to build a cobb house but stopped the plan randomly? That was foreclosure day. Thankfully we still have the property, and we're still working on it but I still don't want to set up a future here, that was too close for comfort.

Hawt else... There's my sister shaving her head and going through a scary emo phase. Where we all wouldn't have been surprised if someone had ended up dead, Dad and my sister especially had a lot of rough times and fights... Gah, the fights between those two... Anyways, they've patched up things real nice now so...

There's the fact that both mom and dad had "camps" and we where divided into one depending on which parent we spent time (conspiring) with. They both had such convincing stories which is why my sister and I jumped back and forth a lot. A few years ago though, I realized that they're both nuts! I just fling a dart somewhere in-between both of their stories and call that the best truth I can come up with...

Sooo... There was plenty more but you get the idea. It's amazing any of us are still around to tell about it. Things seem to be getting better (Dad's had job(s) for the past 4(is) years), still nothing like it used to be (Minus the fights, I don't miss the fights and thank God they've learned how to fight light adults (somewhat)).

Kids that go through stuff like this typically end up either dead, psychotic or really mature (for their age). This is why I've regarded myself as mature in the past (however correct it may be isn't necessarily something you nor I could say. Since none of you know me in real life and I'm not a great judge of my own character), because I've been through a lot of scary times, I've left a lot out if that means anything to you.

So anyway, I just wanted to be fair to those I've bitched about to you guys in the past. I apologize for not giving the whole story, I figured it was a little to personal then but considering what I did tell you it's probably better to know I don't live with random sociopaths, just normal sociopaths

This may seem random but I was just thinking about my grandfather and how much we could have done together, had a good cry for the first time in years (My eyes have been constipated). He was a lot more ambitious than my father. He would build things and tinker for the hell of it because it's what brought him joy when dad doesn't do it because he could just buy them "time Vs. Effort". It's absolutely criminal the times I've been shot down with my big ideas from those sayings, just thinking about how much me and my grandfather could have done if he was still alive has only just hit me. I was about 6 like I said so I didn't know him that well, I was to much of a dumbass to not spend every waking moment with him because he was an absolute genius, at that point I thought he and dad knew the same but even dad has jokingly said something like: "Dad was the big encyclopedia set, I'm just the pocket edition". It breaks my heart the things that I could have learned from him, the projects we could have built together that dad wouldn't have really cared about until they where finished, the things that I didn't have the opportunity to do, but desperately want, while my Dad had the opportunity for most of his life but even asked him why doesn't he just buy something new rather than building an attachment for the lathe to spin the crackshaft of the hustler mower, 3 months worth when he could have it easy for something new...

To be fair again, Dad mostly resents him for it because he didn't work on the Nieuport 28, which is one of the rarest planes, which that he knew much more about than dad, and left him with the project without his expertise. I can see that but the reason he was so great at everything non electronic was taking the time to spin his own tools and such. Apparently the love for doing things from scratch, the absalute joy of having something you made from nothing work as good as something you could have paid somebody for, just skipped a generation. The biggest buzz-kill of all is "Why don't you just buy X", which has shot-down so many things in my life... I feel so cheated by it all.

I was talking to dad today and said that Grandpa was still around, we would have already built a CNC table, and he nodded and said he has no doubt in his mind. That just breaks me up so much more because I don't have that option. The fact that I would have been integeral to building it sense it reguires a lot of electronic know how. Imagining how we could have worked together to build something great but it's something I can't do with dad. Just thoughts like that and my imagination going around in all the things that could have been so much better, especially the fact that the house wouldn't have gotten like this, we'd still eat at the table ETC.

Now I'm just going off into a depressing rant that's not really relevent to the topic so I'll end now. I've stayed up way to late (I've started waking up early) and I'm really exhausted. I just wanted to be fair to my mother and that require a backstory to not be a complete contradiction.

TTYL.

Trey.

[Rosemary]

Trey, I have always wondered how things got to be the way they are

While reading this, I had to continuously remind myself how old you actually are, as you come across as so much older, and now I am not surprised why.

For your sake, I wish your grandfather was still alive - all young boys need a strong role model, but life has dealt you a hand you have to play, and you will need to take the innitiative - very difficult when you are as young as you are, and I am sure finances will also play a major part, in how much you can actually do. One day, hopefully, you will be independent and look back on this time as a steep learning curve. I wish you well, and if we don't speak again soon, I wish you a happy holdiay season

[James]

I'm always interested to find out why people the way they are.

what did they go through to end up like they are today?

how did they respond to the traumas in their life?

its good to hear that Story, it can make one understand why the way you are.

and tbh from the sounds of it, after everything you have been through over the years, it seems you've turned out to be a pretty damn good guy.

I've noticed in some of your posts you talk about your mother a fair bit and under not such glowing terms, I wonder if conciously or subconciously you hold a great deal of resentment towards here?....but thats perhaps a conversation for another day.

like you I lost grandad (my mums Dad) at at fairly young age, i was 7/8, I to wonder what I would have done with him, but more so I wonder what he would think of me and my accomplishments in life... I hope he'd be proud.

I'm sure your grandad would be super proud of you mate, and I'm sure he'd love the fact that from what you say you are like him in that you both share a love of building and creating things

[stormchaser09]

I will second what Rosemary said as she has put it so much better than I could, I hope things begin to look a bit better now that you are older and in more control of your own life.

[BingBlaze n Skyla]

i dont really know what to say so ill just give u some hugs i agree with rosemary tho

[Smiler]

I bet it feels better to you now you've written it?

Our memories shape the way that we think, and that thinking gives our behaviour.

Our memories are innate (genetic such as our DNA), emotional, episodic (little episodes of your life), procedural (automatic actions, such as riding a bike or hand writing), and semantic (our knowledge base). These all combine to give us our schemas for life - how we react to a given situation.

Your choice now is how do you want to feel as you think about it all? Time to let go, move forward and take the right steps to how you want to be?

Amongst all the bad, I bet there was good too...what happens if you think back onto the good times? Memories are plastic, that is they change just by accessing them. Here's something you can do. Think of a time which is bad, and notice that you will have a start point, content, and end point to that memory. It may be a little movie in your head, or just a still image (in which case it is start content and end all in one). Notice where it ends, and think "what happened next?" and keep moving forward in time until you reach a good memory. Do that process several times, and in only 3-4 repetitions when you think of the bad memory it will automatically run forward to the good. How cool is that?

Many people, like you, don't have the best of experiences. Its how you deal with it, and how you move forward, that counts.

You seem to be growing stronger than most...

[Paranormal Wolf]

From another who's family and them self has went through more than their fair share of heartaches, traumas, bad luck, trials, etc I understand what its like to grow up much to fast. I'm not sure what to say really but the things you have dealt with have made you who you are today. These things have and will continue to shape your life and will make you stronger. There are many days I look back at the shambles that was and is my life and wonder why did it have to be this way. My problem is I live too much in the past and not enough in the present. (not saying this is your case) Some go through things and never can see the other side. Others persevere through the pain to become something greater than what they were. I think you are one of the latter, as am I. Keep your head up and always look to the future. Things may not always look brighter but if you look hard enough there will always be a way through the clouds and inner strength shall be your reward.

[sutsibe]

Hang in there, make the most of your life with the cards you've been dealt. Your grandfather likely grew up in a time where he had little money, and HAD to make things from scratch, so learned the joy of it then. Your growing up under similar circumstances can aid you in accomplishing what you want to, if you'll allow it. You might need to find other areas to accomplish what you want - perhaps in the computer/electronics field, and it may take time to get there, but - go for what you want!

[TreyRust]

Thanks for the encouragment, but I think you're all missing the point of this thread. I posted this to give a reason as to why my mother is the way she is, to show the whole story rather than selective bitching. Like the title suggests I just wanted to be fair to her.

But I did go off on a rant about my grandfather and that was a recouring theme... It's not something I think about all the time, it was my dad's birthday so we talked about it as well and I just was feeling blue about it. I'm the optimistic one in my family, when I remember an event, I either remember the good or the good that we learned and rarely do I get into a painful slippery slope of regret once I've gotten over something. Things can still sting if I think about them, but it would be wrong for me to not be sad, it's just important that I've moved on.

He went to Georgia tech (I believe) to get an engineering degree and I could go on and on with the things he had mastered. The difference between him and Dad is, grandpa loved to tinker with everything and was obsessed with it all, airplanes included. Dad mostly cares about airplanes. To an extent he is the same but not as extreme as his father.

I hadn't meant for this thread to be about me... But I must say I enjoy the attention

Honestly I didn't really mean to say so much about my granddad either, it just sort of happened because it was late and I such at macro articulation when I'm tired, which I am now... So take this with a grain of salt

[sutsibe]

Nice to see you around again, Trey... I'd wondered where you'd gone!

[James]

Thanks for the encouragment, but I think you're all missing the point of this thread. I posted this to give a reason as to why my mother is the way she is, to show the whole story rather than selective bitching. Like the title suggests I just wanted to be fair to her.

But I did go off on a rant about my grandfather and that was a recouring theme... It's not something I think about all the time, it was my dad's birthday so we talked about it as well and I just was feeling blue about it. I'm the optimistic one in my family, when I remember an event, I either remember the good or the good that we learned and rarely do I get into a painful slippery slope of regret once I've gotten over something. Things can still sting if I think about them, but it would be wrong for me to not be sad, it's just important that I've moved on.

He went to Georgia tech (I believe) to get an engineering degree and I could go on and on with the things he had mastered. The difference between him and Dad is, grandpa loved to tinker with everything and was obsessed with it all, airplanes included. Dad mostly cares about airplanes. To an extent he is the same but not as extreme as his father.

I hadn't meant for this thread to be about me... But I must say I enjoy the attention

Honestly I didn't really mean to say so much about my granddad either, it just sort of happened because it was late and I such at macro articulation when I'm tired, which I am now... So take this with a grain of salt

I actually thought the post was trying to explain you the way YOU were, your mother wasn't really mentioned all that much, but it did make me think that perhaps you do give your mother a hard time after what you've all been through, the stuff with your Dad, it would have hit her 10x harder than anyone else (bar your Dad i guess).

[mydiamond]

Thanks for the encouragment, but I think you're all missing the point of this thread. I posted this to give a reason as to why my mother is the way she is, to show the whole story rather than selective bitching. Like the title suggests I just wanted to be fair to her.

But I did go off on a rant about my grandfather and that was a recouring theme... It's not something I think about all the time, it was my dad's birthday so we talked about it as well and I just was feeling blue about it. I'm the optimistic one in my family, when I remember an event, I either remember the good or the good that we learned and rarely do I get into a painful slippery slope of regret once I've gotten over something. Things can still sting if I think about them, but it would be wrong for me to not be sad, it's just important that I've moved on.

He went to Georgia tech (I believe) to get an engineering degree and I could go on and on with the things he had mastered. The difference between him and Dad is, grandpa loved to tinker with everything and was obsessed with it all, airplanes included. Dad mostly cares about airplanes. To an extent he is the same but not as extreme as his father.

I hadn't meant for this thread to be about me... But I must say I enjoy the attention

Honestly I didn't really mean to say so much about my granddad either, it just sort of happened because it was late and I such at macro articulation when I'm tired, which I am now... So take this with a grain of salt

I know why you write this thread, and this reply I'm going to write is totally off-topic, but I must write it After I read your story, and noticed that you're still alive without any suicide attempts or things like that, I felt... idk... It feels as if I can see things more clearly now. You know, I don't get along with my family. The story's long and complicated so let's just say that my parents betrayed me in the past. They also laughed at my dreams, make fun of me when I'm feeling sad, and everything else. My house is like a hell, trust me. The only one who kept me coming home everyday is my little fur baby. I spent years wondering what is so wrong with me and why can't I live a normal life like my friends. Needless to say I also spent years hating my (whole) family. I still do, but then I read this thread and I start to reconsider things. Now I kinda hate the fact that I have always been calling myself the unluckiest person alive, because turns out there're lots of people out there who lives a much worse life and still managed to survive. Now I see that it is very childish and selfish to pity my own life so much while there are people like you out there. You might not get why do I have to tell you this, but you know what? Thanks. You unconsciously helped me a lot