Ravenwolf Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 I am so frustrated with my husband right now. His laziness is reaching the point of absurdity. I try to discuss this kind of thing with married friends or my mother, and they just shrug and say "yep, that's men for you!" I don't accept that as an excuse!!! He knew we had to do housework this weekend. We talked about it all week. Saturday morning we both took it easy and relaxed, then in the evening went to the next town over for a get together with friends and spent the night there, having breakfast Sunday morning before coming home. I was at the barn at 11:00am for 2 hours and during that time I asked him to take the dogs for a walk. He took them – two energetic huskies – out for half an hour. I came home to him playing on the computer. The plan was to stack the washer and dryer Sunday. So I spent the entire evening pulling everything out of the laundry room so we had room to work, and reorganizing our storage room and putting all our Christmas decorations and extra stuff in there. I reminded him that we had shit to do, so with a snide comment to his friend that he was gaming with he got off the computer a half hour later – and went out to find a piece for the air compressor so he could blow up the tire on his sports car. I was irritated, but told him while he was out to take out the recycling (which I had to get ready for him), pick up the dry cleaning and see if he could find a replacement shelf for our fridge (more on that in a moment). He did take the recycling, but left the box in the Jeep and got mad at me when I asked him to go out and get it (since I was busy and clearly too lazy to do it myself). He forgot the pick up tag for the dry cleaning so couldn’t get it. Then he went downstairs and watched tv. I gave him laundry to fold while he was sitting on his ass, which he did, but it never made it off the couch. He never once came to help me. I had listed off a ton of things that needed to be done that day, of which he did nothing around the house. THEN, to add insult to injury, it was nearly 8:00pm before I was done – and supper still hadn’t been made. I had him put the roast in the oven earlier (because even though he knew that’s what we were having he still couldn’t do it on his own), so it was done, but I had to come up and cook everything else if I wanted to eat. At 8:30pm I sat down to eat, and grudgingly informed him it was ready. He came up, happy as can be, kisses me on the head and tries to visit. I said “I don’t know if you’re trying to prove some point or not, but I hope you can appreciate just how angry I am with you and that I don’t want to talk to you right now.†He looked hurt and surprised and backed off, going into the kitchen to fix his supper. Then he says “okay, but for the record I don’t know why you’re mad at me.†HULK SMASH!!! An argument ensued, in which he expressed that because he works so much and always cooks supper (so didn’t feel like he should have to do it tonight) he just wants to relax on his weekend off. I pointed out that we relaxed for most of Saturday, and spent the evening and next morning partying with friends! Today we had things to get done that were left all week! Things he agreed to do but now renegs because he doesn’t feel like it! He then demanded that he wants a maid. I told him that’s just fine – go find one! Why should I do all the research and hunting for one?! He then decided that he was going to go sweep the bedroom – one of the chores I asked him to do today and had stated that it really needed doing – and made a big deal about how he had to clean up some things first. It took him all of 15 minutes. But while he was doing that I was so enraged that I couldn’t even eat. Rather than fling my plate across the living room like I had the overwhelming urge to do, I tossed it on the counter, grabbed my keys and took off. I drove around the city looking for a movie to go see, but alas, nothing good started until after 10:00pm. And still irked about the fridge. This is how much of an a-hole my husband can be. I had take then the roast out of the freezer to thaw on Friday, but didn’t put it on a plate as I thought the plastic vac seal was watertight. So Saturday right before we’re about to leave Tino discovers that all the blood has leaked out into the crisper, so he’s rather upset with me, even more so when I’m still getting ready to leave so he has to clean it up. But for a smart guy he’s not all the bright sometimes. Instead of just pulling out the crisper, he tries to remove the entire shelf without removing the glass first. So of course when he tilts it the glass falls and shatters everywhere. So of course this is my fault because if I had’ve put a plate under it this never would have happened! He starts going off about patriarchal society is better and how he shouldn’t have to do stuff like this (just to piss me off I’m sure). I’ve always had a hot and sudden temper, but throw baby-making hormones into the mix and I think you have the safety net of justifiable homicide… So many cookies for you if you actually read this! After 7 years of marriage and so much progress, I’m still at a loss as to how to deal with his inability to accept blame and his justification for his own sloth. As someone who is by very nature active, I find his laziness downright offensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naomiJayne Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 I'd type for to long if I replied so instead I'll just do this :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pasodaisy Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Ugh, you needed that rant! Been married 25 years, after first week my hubby asked me why he couldn't find any clean underwear to which I replied "it's on the floor where you left it" He got the message pretty quickly after that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosemary Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Change the location and name and you could be talking about my husband. I adore him, but lordy, I get real tired of being a nagging wife One consolation though - after 30 years you do get used to it, and mostly live with/ignore it, but every once in a while, the gasket blows ............... Edit : Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunc Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Orrrr poor you I been up since 3pm ( I work nights for those of you that don't know ) I vac'd everywhere ( both dogs molting like made ) I polished I just making tea Sue will be home about 5pm Team work makes it work we been married 32 years Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tams Teeko and Keeta Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Ouch sounds like you needed that rant. Hope you're feeling more cheerful. My OH is just as bad...he's a bit stuck in 50's mentality and thinks the woman has to do everything while men...well....do sweet FA! Its taken 3 years of pointing out that as a teacher I work longer hours than he does and bring home more money for him to actually admit he's lazy and occassionally put some effort in. I do do everything when it's my holidays tho...so was most annoyed at still having to make the team do the dishes, etc etc when he had himself a week off work. Men...can't live with em'....can't legally kill em!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marc Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 I know what ya mean. Have same problem with that wife of mine. Ok gonna hide now lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BingBlaze n Skyla Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 my dad is the same he has his moments tho where hes good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Removed #5 Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 and I have freinds who ask me why I'm still single at 65 .... nuff said! and btw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenwolf Posted February 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Orrrr poor you I been up since 3pm ( I work nights for those of you that don't know ) I vac'd everywhere ( both dogs molting like made ) I polished I just making tea Sue will be home about 5pm Team work makes it work we been married 32 years You somewhat restore my faith in mankind! My husband is good about some things - he will do laundry (but it rarely makes it past the top of the machine...), he does cook supper a lot and clean up after (but always leaves the counters dirty and never sweeps the floor, let alone washes it!), but is supremely lazy and content to live in filth for everything else. Our yard would look like a jungle if it weren't for me and our roommate! Every year Tino tells me he's going to fertilize the yard so it grows nice, and every year he doesn't do it. Once every 2 weeks he'll remember to water the yard - by leaving the sprinkler in one place for 2 damned hours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenwolf Posted February 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Ouch sounds like you needed that rant. Hope you're feeling more cheerful. My OH is just as bad...he's a bit stuck in 50's mentality and thinks the woman has to do everything while men...well....do sweet FA! Its taken 3 years of pointing out that as a teacher I work longer hours than he does and bring home more money for him to actually admit he's lazy and occassionally put some effort in. I do do everything when it's my holidays tho...so was most annoyed at still having to make the team do the dishes, etc etc when he had himself a week off work. Men...can't live with em'....can't legally kill em!! I blame his mother. She kept an anally tidy home, and it seems the only chore the kids did was the dishes, so he seems to think that everything else magically gets done! I don't even think he knows where the furnace filter goes, let alone there's one that needs changing... The other thing that kind of adds to this is that his laziness has taken a major toll on his health too - he's gained 55 lbs since I met him, 40 of them since we've been married (and out of university, therefore out of organized sports, doesn't walk anywhere anymore or do a physically demanding job). He wasn't a lightweight when I met him, and now tips the scales at 275lbs. While I might not be as active as I was in university either, I'm still at the same weight, and can still fit enough to scale a mountain as a pleasant day trip with little difficulty. So that makes me resent his laziness all the more. My recreation is a physically demanding activity, while his is sitting at a computer after having done so all day long... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leyka&Diva Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 my other half does the washing up thats about it, i say he does it he attempts i go to the sink once he has finished and find on average 5/6 spoons ,forks or knives in the sink under the washing up bowl and some plates and what not that are still dirty i ask him y he said at least he tried im sorry but my 7 year old son washes up better than my 25 year old bf grrrrrrrrr it winds me up so much i have quite a temper when the same thing winds me up over and over again ill be glad when i move house and i have a dishwasher lol then he can keep the hell out my kitchen lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenwolf Posted February 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 my other half does the washing up thats about it, i say he does it he attempts i go to the sink once he has finished and find on average 5/6 spoons ,forks or knives in the sink under the washing up bowl and some plates and what not that are still dirty i ask him y he said at least he tried im sorry but my 7 year old son washes up better than my 25 year old bf grrrrrrrrr it winds me up so much i have quite a temper when the same thing winds me up over and over again ill be glad when i move house and i have a dishwasher lol then he can keep the hell out my kitchen lol OMG it doesn't always help. It KILLS me when the dishwasher is empty/dirty and dishes are piled in the sink! It happens ALL THE TIME. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tams Teeko and Keeta Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 I blame his mother. She kept an anally tidy home, and it seems the only chore the kids did was the dishes, so he seems to think that everything else magically gets done! I don't even think he knows where the furnace filter goes, let alone there's one that needs changing... The other thing that kind of adds to this is that his laziness has taken a major toll on his health too - he's gained 55 lbs since I met him, 40 of them since we've been married (and out of university, therefore out of organized sports, doesn't walk anywhere anymore or do a physically demanding job). He wasn't a lightweight when I met him, and now tips the scales at 275lbs. While I might not be as active as I was in university either, I'm still at the same weight, and can still fit enough to scale a mountain as a pleasant day trip with little difficulty. So that makes me resent his laziness all the more. My recreation is a physically demanding activity, while his is sitting at a computer after having done so all day long... Oh dear bless. I blame my OH's brother! Until about a year ago, my OH could hand him a dirty cup and he would walk off and wash it! I used to really rant at him about it. His dad is the same as my OH though. Expects his wife to do everything in the house...which she does...buuuut ...she works part time and doesnt continue working until bedtime when she gets home. I don't mind doing pretty much the lot when i'm on school holidays but during termtime...my work-life balance is totally non existent...its just work, work then more work...then when I finish school work I have to do univeristy work! Is it sooooo much to ask that he cleans up once in a while? Ah well....and yet still I love him! Must be wrong in the head! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leyka&Diva Posted February 6, 2012 Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 OMG it doesn't always help. It KILLS me when the dishwasher is empty/dirty and dishes are piled in the sink! It happens ALL THE TIME. at least when i know i have a dishwasher he has no reason to be in my kitchen for more than 10 seconds lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenwolf Posted February 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2012 Oh dear bless. I blame my OH's brother! Until about a year ago, my OH could hand him a dirty cup and he would walk off and wash it! I used to really rant at him about it. His dad is the same as my OH though. Expects his wife to do everything in the house...which she does...buuuut ...she works part time and doesnt continue working until bedtime when she gets home. I don't mind doing pretty much the lot when i'm on school holidays but during termtime...my work-life balance is totally non existent...its just work, work then more work...then when I finish school work I have to do univeristy work! Is it sooooo much to ask that he cleans up once in a while? Ah well....and yet still I love him! Must be wrong in the head! LMAO! I hear ya. It's not like this is anything new, but it seems that the depths to which he'll sink to continue to amaze me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydiamond Posted February 7, 2012 Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 try to tell him if he doesn't do his chores u won't do yours either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyMae Posted February 7, 2012 Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 Paul's the same, I don't bother asking him to do anything because I'll just have to re-do it AND I'm the one who works while he sits on his a** all day playing computer/ x box games! He only walks Sheldon for about 20 mins too but I'll start training him when I'm done with the dogs!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onlythisgirl Posted February 7, 2012 Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 Sounds like he's getting a bit complacent.. Maybe a kick up the butt will help? My OH isn't too bad, he cleans up after himself, our son and Roxy and that's all I really need. However if i ask him to do some DIY or something in the garden he takes he time about it! When he moans that I nag, I tell him if he did it when I asked the first time I wouldn't have to nag! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pasodaisy Posted February 7, 2012 Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 Men are like huskies in that they are very stubborn and take lots of training Mine is still a work in progress after 25 years but he's doing very well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberScheuer Posted February 7, 2012 Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 You should never ever have to just, "Get used to it." Thats a croc. It should be teamwork. Ryan actually does all dishes and all laundry! I cook, so he cleans the dishes. He took over the laundry cause I just plain hate it- I didnt ask him to, he just took it over lol. As far as other things- every friday after he gets off of work we clean everything [so we can relax for the weekend] I vaccume, mop- all rooms get cleaned and finished and he takes over whatever Im not doing. [if I just finished vaccuming room #1 and am mopping- he will vaccume room #2 so its ready for me to mop it] Dont get me wrong- we do have lazy days Its very nice to have someone who understands and helps out. He has been great with the foster puppies as well, 90% of the time HE gets up with them at night to bottle them or let them out to potty. Its given me great hope for when this baby is born in June! I got lucky maybe... You should be able to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel- and he had better work on it... its not fairy that you are the only one these "problems," rest on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robke Posted February 7, 2012 Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 I do just as much in our house as my wife...would not, could not have it any other way. And I love cooking so that does make it easy. And I work from home also make live easier.... Got 2 lazy teenagers (1 = 17 & 1 = 15) though....they have to do their own laundry which is funny (smelly) at times when they try and not do it at all........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenwolf Posted February 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 You should never ever have to just, "Get used to it." Thats a croc. It should be teamwork. Ryan actually does all dishes and all laundry! I cook, so he cleans the dishes. He took over the laundry cause I just plain hate it- I didnt ask him to, he just took it over lol. As far as other things- every friday after he gets off of work we clean everything [so we can relax for the weekend] I vaccume, mop- all rooms get cleaned and finished and he takes over whatever Im not doing. [if I just finished vaccuming room #1 and am mopping- he will vaccume room #2 so its ready for me to mop it] Dont get me wrong- we do have lazy days Its very nice to have someone who understands and helps out. He has been great with the foster puppies as well, 90% of the time HE gets up with them at night to bottle them or let them out to potty. Its given me great hope for when this baby is born in June! I got lucky maybe... You should be able to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel- and he had better work on it... its not fairy that you are the only one these "problems," rest on. I agree - getting used to it is NOT an option. He has made so much progress, just every now and then something like this happens. We used to argue about this kind of stuff all the time, but now its months and months in between. We did talk it out yesterday - we work at the same place so we emailed back and forth most of the day - I like that because then he can't interrupt or talk over me! I got what I wanted to say out, and I hope he got the point. When he's got nothing left to argue he finds absurdly stupid things to hang on to - while I was mad I said "I only asked you to do this one thing" meaning sweeping the bedroom, so he was on about that when it clearly wasn't the only thing I wanted him to do. I was angry and it was a mis-phrase - that was the one job I specified that really needed doing. We got along okay last night - though to point out why stereotypes aren't always accurate - I had to show him how to balance the washer, the importance of making sure is level and not wobbly before putting the dryer on top, and how to use the tool for adjusting the legs! I changed the electric thermostat myself - he tried to give me instruction over the phone to which I laughed and asked if he had ever changed one and/or knew what he was talking about, because he was totally wrong! He has no idea how to fix our garage roof, while I do. I installed our window wells. I winterized our drippy outdoor faucet so we wouldn't have ice damage to the foundation - he wanted to just let it drip all winter long! Who knows more about repairs and renovation here? He does know a lot more about cars than me, I'll give him that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmberScheuer Posted February 7, 2012 Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 LMAO. Ry is in construction so he knows all of that [but then again I was on my own for a while and get by PERFECTLY fine on my own ] While he knows that though- IM the car buff!!! 1969 Chevy Nova SS baby! Dream car! The 73 Chevelle is f*cking sweet too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenwolf Posted February 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2012 LMAO. Ry is in construction so he knows all of that [but then again I was on my own for a while and get by PERFECTLY fine on my own ] While he knows that though- IM the car buff!!! 1969 Chevy Nova SS baby! Dream car! The 73 Chevelle is f*cking sweet too! Not so much into the classic cars, but my husband just rebuilt a 1993 Dodge Stealth E/S. OMG so much fun to drive! And she's not even 100% yet! He still has to redo the entire exhaust system (there are FIVE mufflers - how much horsepower you figure that sucks up?!), wants to change something or other with the cold-air intake, and she still needs to be repainted, and I want him to get a new Veilside or touring wing for it, just because I hate the 90's crescent that's on it now! Heh, but for all that he likes to drive her, he still can't double clutch and is afraid to really push her around corners, and she just hugs the ground when you turn! I don't drive with him in the car very often - he gets nervous! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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