robke Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and there would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim! Let's face it - Englishis a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. Englishmuffins weren't invented in England. We take Englishfor granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, What do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship... We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language In which your house can burn up as it burns down, In which you fill in a form by filling it out, And in which an alarm goes off by going on. And in closing.......... If Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop.??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 LMAO. . . .tooooooo drunk to comment. . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Removed #5 Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 And the plural of cow is kine .... and try that on anyone who speaks English and see what they have to say! Okay, so it's archaic now, but was in use as late as the mid 1800's ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 Then my ex-wife is a cow, but there is only one of her. . .so. . . .the singular still persists .,.. . .dammit. . .lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tams Teeko and Keeta Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Lo)? My favourite is 'sheep'. I like the idea of changing it (as with geese to goose) so that one sheep is a shoop! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Povodny Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Or if sheep is singular then the plural is sheeps lol It's good but there are a lot of americanisms in the last one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydiamond Posted February 18, 2012 Report Share Posted February 18, 2012 LOL english IS one crazy language xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tams Teeko and Keeta Posted February 18, 2012 Report Share Posted February 18, 2012 LOL english IS one crazy language xD Off topic but...how did your speech go? :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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