Controlling your anger

[Sarah]

I have a friend who fires up at the slightest thing and has gotten into a lot of arguments with her family of late. She has finally sought counselling but got me thinking as to how anger affects different people.

Before I got my fur babies I was depressed and angry and so can relate to how she was feeling. However, since getting my boys, I have been forced to go out more - walking has helped me tremendously and having that unconditional love is a godsend.

I have found that if i get wound up or upset, a brisk walk with my boys clears my head and calms me down no end.

I'm sure i'm not the only one on the planet to feel like this and thought i would add the below. Don't get me wrong, i've not posted this to make you feel as though a response is required, merely to throw out a bit of random advice that may or may not benefit either members or friends/family.

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But managing anger can be a problem for many people, who find it difficult to keep their anger under control.

In a recent survey for the Mental Health Foundation, 28% of adults said they worry about how angry they sometimes feel, and 32% have a friend or relative who has problems dealing with anger.

Health issues linked to unresolved anger include high blood pressure, heart attack, depression, anxiety, colds, flu and problems with digestion.

But anger doesnt have to be a problem. You can control your anger, and you have a responsibility to do so, says clinical psychologist Isabel Clarke, a specialist in anger management. It can feel intimidating, but it can be energising too.

Dealing with anger

Everyone has a physical reaction to anger, says Isabel. Be aware of what your body is telling you, and take steps to calm yourself down.

* Recognise your anger signs

Your heart beats faster and you breathe more quickly, preparing you for action. You might also notice other signs, such as tension in your shoulders or clenching your fists. "If you notice these signs building, get out of the situation if youve got a history of losing control, says Isabel.

* Count to 10

This gives you time to cool down so you can think more clearly and overcome the impulse to lash out.

* Breathe slowly

Make your out-breath longer than your in-breath, and relax as you breathe out. You automatically breathe in more than out when youre feeling angry, and the trick is to breathe out more than in, says Isabel. This will calm you down effectively and help you think more clearly.

Managing anger in the long term

Once you're able to recognise the signs that youre getting angry and calm yourself down, you can start looking at ways to control your anger more generally.

* Exercise

Bring down your general stress levels with exercise and relaxation. Running, walking, swimming, yoga and meditation are just a few of the activities that can help reduce stress. "Exercise as part of your daily life is a good way to get rid of irritation and anger, says Isabel.

* Look after yourself

Make time to relax regularly, and ensure that you get enough sleep. Drugs and alcohol can make anger problems worse. They lower inhibitions, and actually we need inhibitions to stop us acting unacceptably when were angry, says Isabel.

* Get creative

Writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and help reduce feelings of anger.

* Talk about it

Discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful, and can help you get a different perspective on the situation.

Look at the way you think

Try to let go of any unhelpful ways of thinking, says Isabel. If you often think thoughts such as Its not fair, or People like that shouldnt be on the roads, this is not helpful.

Thinking like this will keep you focused on whatever it is thats making you angry. Let these thoughts go, and it is easier to calm down.

Dont use phrases that include:

* Always (for example, You always do that').

* Never ('You never listen to me').

* Should/shouldn't ('You should do what I want' ... 'You shouldn't be on the roads').

* Must/mustn't ('I must be on time' ... 'I mustn't be late').

* Ought/oughtn't ('People ought to get out of my way')

* Its not fair.

Getting help

If you feel you need help dealing with your anger, see your GP. There might be local anger management courses or counselling that could help you.

There are private courses and therapists to help with anger issues. Make sure any therapist you see is registered with a professional organisation, such as the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

[valkyries]

i find walking the dogs after work helps me wind down mostly after a real hard day, i used to bring my moods home and take out on the family. now i just grab the leads and away i go im ok when i get back home.

[Lyn]

Interesting reading sarah

I rarely loose my temper, or shout. Im fairly cool and unflappable on the whole, which I think largley comes fom my profession. It did cause me problems when I worked in nursing, as was sometimes percieved to be not fully undertanding the situation if you DIDN'T flap! never really understood that!. Pleased to say that does not happen in my current profession, where the ability to keep a cool, calm head in the most dire of situations is definately viewed as a positive attibute: Anger breeds anger, panic breeds panic! Ive never been seriously assulted in my job and known as a peacemaker, albeit one who will take no nonsense. I won't scream at an abusive patient, I'll stop the vehicle, open the door and quietly but firmly ask them to leave. Where Ive been at a difficult job, Ive sometimes had the comment, maybe from someone less experienced "Im glad you were calm and collected"....maybe not always true! I could be be thinking "Oh F**k" in my head, I just domn't let that show.

Being cool and calm is all very well, but it can (and has recently for me) result in another problem STRESS!. Fair to say Ive had a lot going off in my life recently, but Im not good at sharing it, and maybe I should? I have NEVER, till now, had a problem sleeping, nor come down with as many random ailments as I have over the last 6 months or so. Im picky who I trust, and only once have I let rip with the feelings/emotions with a manager at work I do trust and whos opinion I needed. Fortunately he fully understood my need to vent my spleen that day and has been very supportive since.

Im dealing with it my way though. I did accept the docs offer of medicinal help, though compromised with a mild sedative and refused the heavy duty stuff. Sleeping tablets and shiftwork just don't mix!

The BEST way of all for me to chill is to take off to the forest at first light and run the dogs. The mix of solitude, environment, exhileration and wind in your hair works wonders, better than any drug!

I started knitting too! taught myself from scratch and find that a great way to relax before bed and something to focus your mind on following the instructions. Rewarding too, as now have an almost finished beautiful patchwork throw to carry in the van for those chilly race season nights....my own knitted comfort blanket .

another thing I've found I've craved to is solitude. I'm normally a socialite and almost always around people, but guess my mind is just telling me I need a little 'downtime' to gather my thoughts. I normally work on an ambulance at work, with a crewmate, and usually enjoy a shift of chat on anything and everything with whoever I happen to be working with. Those conversations can go from the sumblime to the rediculous and cover EVERYTHING from whats on telly to world peace (well, everything but politics, I hate discussing politics lol) Had a very interesting station convo about bhuddism of all things this week! But of late, Ive been doing the odd shift on a rapid response car. On my own, peace and quiet, chance to think, read a good book or just snooze on 'standby' in a nice secluded corner somewhere.

Never underestimate the power of Sibes either! I can honestly say I owe my dogs my life on at least one occassion, and my sanity (and actually signed myself out of hospital because I missed them terribly! Your family and kids can visit you,your dogs can't (although hubby did keep bringing a couple with him so I could sit outside with them, best medicine going!) No matter what crap and curve-balls life throws at me, I carry on BECAUSE of them, because for them, life goes on regardless. I can come home after a really rough day, throw on my P.J's curl up on the sofa to be joined by assorted sibes....and nothing matters any more

[Sarah]

[valkyries]

big hugs to you Lyn i could not put the way i feel about my sibs better than you just did, yes they are a life saver i used to be like a wound up spring ready to pounce but now i have them and i have not felt wound up since. you take care of your self xxxx

[jules dief taz tor]

i get quite worked up, quite a bit of stress over fostering assements at the minute , last time, she was asking about outr sex life, not sure what thats got to do with our ability to raise kids , but hey ho, this woman has got me to the point where i want to kill her, the stress builds up for hours b4 she arrives, when shes here my head feels like it wants to explode, as soon as she goes, i grab the dogs and we go walking, its great after 10 mins of really fast walking, i forget why i was worked up and just get on with having a great walk, they really help, and then the worn out snuggles after just completely relax me , i love my doggies, xx