Saying goodbye

[yamahar6wme]

I didn't know where to post this but had to speak to some one about it in the last 4 years I have lost my grandad,aunt,cousin (aged2), moms and dads dog Bruno and now my uncle all these people have one thing in commen cancer and I hate it. Also my partner lost his nan a few weeks ago not to cancer but age she was 89 bless her sole. I just find it so hard with everything going on in my life I haven't ha time to greave for any of them not properly I feel like I can't talk about them without breaking down. But the less I do the more their faces vanish from my memory I am starting to forget what they looked like what they liked what we did I hadn't seen my grandad for 4 years but I was always his favourite grandchild we did a lot together saw each other very day went to chruch together he was the best stern but big heart since he has passed away my family have been torn apart. My aunt we were really close I spent a lot of my childhood at her house even after my daughter was born alway visiting she was godmother to both my children she was there for any one who needed her she never put her self first I love her to so much I still can't get that she has gone miss you x. My little cousin came next she had been battling since she was 6 months old no life it's not fair she lived in Ireland I sadly didn't get to meet her but she was very loved and people are still trying to cope with her death my heart goes to her parents x. Then there is Bruno never will be forgotten amazing dog more like human then a pet spoilt miss u big boy x. My partners nan I only got to meet her a handful of times but she was great I loved her talks about the past hearing about her husband they met in the war he had a tourch in the dunker rip nana mayo. And know my nans brother in law has got cancer we arnt that close but we did spend a lot of time there as kids very weekend fun times. All these deaths are tearing me up inside I don't know who to say goodbye to first how can I greave for one when there are so many every time a I see a funeral car I brake down and cry no matter where I am I don't care I haven't been to see my aunt this year I find it too hard and when I am there I just cry and ask why she was only 55 she was fine when I spoke to her on the phone she was getting better the cancer shrunk the treatment worked we celebrated she had her first drink in ages it just doesn't seem right that she was taken away I am so angry I wish I saw her more before he passed but her system wasn't strong enough to get I'll and being winter we all had colds so I didn't want I make her worse she was the best person I ever knew she didn't even get to see a grandchild but she was a great aunt the best. Then there was Bruno he became I'll so fast it started with a lump on his neck then bad leg it just got worse until it was too much for him I did get to say good bye but it's still not fair he was a healthy dog with year left miss u big bro. I just don't know what to do with my self who to turn to. I am catholic and believe in go but hate him for taking all these people from me they weren't ready to go. I wish I knew what to do but I haven't a clue.

---

I am here: http://tapatalk.com/map.php?jrxacn

[Emma]

So sorry to hear about your losses. Sounds like you have had a tough time. Anyone would struggle given what you're facing. Have you tried going to your doctors? Sounds to me like you would benefit from seeing a bereavement counsellor. They cannot magic things away but give you an outlet and strategies to cope. X

[Rosemary]

Goodness, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to loose so many people you love and hold dear. My heart goes out to you and hope and pray you find the strength to come to terms with your loss. I am a firm believer in that we will meet our loved ones again some day.

[flyingspanner]

So sorry for your loss.

I'm sure, as Emma says, your doc could help put you in touch with a councillor.

Husky Hugs coming your way. X

[Andy]

Talk to a grief councillor.

Talk to your parish priest (as you are Catholic)

Both can help in different ways.

I've lost my step Dad and my Sister in the last 6 months.

You don't stop missing them but your day to day life has to go on.

Your family needs you.

Gradually it gets easier simply because you are continuing onward with your day to day routine.

[yamahar6wme]

It is getting slightly easier but thats what scared me i just dont want to forget them and other people too I talk about them to my children all the time I am hopefully moving house on saturday but to the same street my aunty lived so its hard and good at the same time I ve never had to greave before and then all this so close together I dont like my doctors to be honist so cant talk to him and I dont have a church here mine is back in Slovakia I just hate not knowing what to do or say.

[BingBlaze n Skyla]

massive hugs hun

[stormchaser09]

talking does help even if you cry while you are talking. We have had a bit of a rough time over the past 18 months too starting with my sis in law being diagnosed with thyroid cancer followed by the death of her 19year old daughter then my aunt and uncle died within 11 weeks of each other with mum's dog somewhere in the middle. It is so hard to grieve for the dog when in some respects it just cannot touch the lose of my niece but he was a huge part of my parents life so in some respects he is actually more of a daily lose if that makes sense. My aunt and uncle also were in their 80's but were such lovely people and have left a huge hole in everyones lives too. So I fully understand where you are coming from. If it is of any help I am happy to talk by pm if it helps.

Give yourself time and don't beat yourself up by thinking you aren't grieving properly for each person the fact you are remembering them and it hurts shows how much they meant to you. with regards to so many having cancer could you maybe do some fundraising for a cancer charity to feel you are helping in a positive way. My brother did this for my niece and we now have a charity in her name for helping kids with terminal/life changing conditions.

[Removed #5]

My heart breaks for the anguish you must be going through. HO is a great family and talking is a good way to get rid of some of the stress you've got to be going through.

I'm in my mid 60's and have lost friends and family - though not in as close a span of time as you have. First, I agree that you need to find someone who can help you through your grief. There should be a grief counselor at the local hospital - that would be my first stop. They know what you're going through and can offer help and guidance on how to get through it without losing everything.

Many of those who have gone on are still in my thoughts every day, my grandmother - who lived to be 103! - showed me that it's possible to be a dignified seniour, my aunt - who, like many of yours, died of cancer - showed me all the love that one child could have ever wanted.

It might be hard now, but think of all the good times you did have. Regret over the things we could have done and didn't will help no one now, so put them away - work on each of them in turn when you can, 'cause all of them together will make you physically and mentally exhausted.

Take care and if you ever need an ear who isn't part of the immediate confusion, pull me up in chat ...

//al

[valkyries]

i feel for you and understand, we've lost alot of people over the years it's hard but does get easier. none of us want to forget any one of them, we want to remember their faces - scared they will fade away over the years so we hold on but that wont help you hun.

my advice over time when your ready go to each one and say to them what you need to say good or bad if your angry they left you to soon tell them, they wll hear you. Then say your good byes.

As for the memories take your fav pic of each of the good times together, make and frame a collage - this way you will never forget what they look like and dont be afraid to talk to them, i do.

Other memoories good, bad, fun all take each person and write all your memories of them one at a time, they will never ever be forgotten.

I beleive they may have passed but they are watching over you, they can hear you they may not speak back but just knowing you can tell them your fellings can help.

When you move house the best thing you can do for all your loved ones is Live life to the full, live it for them and for your self they'd want to to be happy, so chin up wipe away your tears and do as they would want you to, it will be hard but you will get there i promise and on any bad days we're here for you xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Liz Jones]

Massive hugs to you i agree a councillor maybe the way to go ... talking about them keeps the memories alive. When my OH lost his dad they way we coped was to do a scrap type book of his life .. He was a seaman so I got his log book and researched all the ships he was on and then got photo's off the internet and scanned in photo's or copied them and did a timeline of the main dates and events... it does help when looking back on times and gives us a focus point to talk about..

[Austinville]

I didn't know where to post this but had to speak to some one about it in the last 4 years I have lost my grandad,aunt,cousin (aged2), moms and dads dog Bruno and now my uncle ..... I just don't know what to do with my self who to turn to. I am catholic and believe in go but hate him for taking all these people from me they weren't ready to go. I wish I knew what to do but I haven't a clue.

Losing family isn't easy, at any time. What I can tell you is that you must grieve for them, in whatever way you need to - talking, counselor, crying, typing (to us on HO)...however you feel is best for you.

I lost my father when I was 15 and didn't truly grieve for him until I lost my mother, ten years later when I was 25. When I finally allowed myself to grieve for him, my life turned around. Hun, you can't carry all that around with you. Trust me, I know. You can't continue with your life until you grieve.

I can also tell you that all the hurt, all the pain is so very worth going through. You remember things you forgot, the bad times disappear and only the good remains.

Eventually the thoughts and recollections that bring you tears now, will bring comfort in the future, if you allow it.

And remember, He will not put you through things you cannot handle. Instead of being angry at Him, try looking at it as how he took their pain away and they are in such a wonderful place now. It's hard to look at it that way because all you can see right now is the hurt you feel.

One thing that really helped me was when my mother passed, my first image of her was of my father rising from a chair to greet her "What took ya so long?" he asked. That, along with the image of her dogs, jumping for joy at seeing her again, have made me smile more than once over the past 23 years.

Let it go, talk it out and things will get better. *hugs*

[yamahar6wme]

I really wouldnt know who to talk to I dont open up to people I dont know easy I am currently moving house and start work monday so my life is hectic I cant even remeber what the last thing I said to them was. I remeber the last time I saw my aunt she was so healthy she looked like her old self again it was at my childrens chrisening I was so happy that she was there but 2 months later she was gone my children ask about her a lot I tell them she is a special angel looking after us I have tattoos in her momery so she is always with me even though I do miss all the others we were extreamly close she put up with my daily calls to have my moan about something she is the best I do smile when I think of her and everything she showed me and all the times she was there for me she always made me smile she was my comfurt when I was hurting I just wish I spent more time with her, my uncle has really changed he is not the same person and I am worried about him I am scared to talk to him as I dont want to upset him but he doesnt have many people around him to be honist his son is ussless I dont think he cares about him I know my aunt would be sad if she saw him this was but its not my place to say I dont expect him to be the same but he has just totally changed he is always on his own or at the pub its not good for him. I walk past their house a lot even more now I am moving there and it tares me apart I havent set a foot in there since the day of my aunts funeral I just cant. I can still picture her sitting in her chair sorrounded by her little piggies she loved pigs she always wanted a pot belly pig that makes me smile I brought her some piggies for a few birthdays she was great at crafts cross stiching knittting card making jewelry making she tought me how to cross stich there is this beautiful picture she cross stiched of wolves howling at the moon I would love it to remeber her by I am thinking of having a little piggy tattoed somewhere as i totally forgot about them she loved them so much. I am actually smilein whilst writitng this its hurting at the same time but its nice to remeber I loved her chats and cups of teas she used to have one of those long curtain thing in the kitchen multi coloured i used to braid them haha she had a rabbitt and a gunie pig never forget chasing them around the garden sorry for long story but it has helped to think about her what she liked what we did.