I hate being fearful all the time :(

[mydiamond]

so I've always been slightly depressed for several years now.. my friends would gladly listen to me venting but none of them understands. And I can't bombard this forum with such unrelated topic all the time so decided to join a forum for people who have social/mental problems. Joined yesterday, decided to leave today =\

I hate hate hate that because it's actually a nice community with helpful, friendly people just like H-O but I'm terrified to come back. In fact every time I posted a thread I need to gather courage to check back and my heart would jump out (due to fear not excitement) if I saw there's a reply in my thread. I'm just so scared I would make mistakes and today I found that my problem is just an ant compared to most people's problems there and I immediately feel unworthy of joining =\ it feels like I'm just a whiny spoiled drama queen that complaints about an itty bitty problem while there are tons of others out there who experience worse problems and they manage to give advice/support to each other rather than complaining all the time I know that forum is the place for me and I should try to make some friends there but it was just so hard when I know I'm just a bug in the big big world again I hate it because this condition usually motivates people and calm them down but for me it only pushes me farther and deeper into the hole shouldn't really feel this way but it made me feel so defective

Fun fact: I felt so scared like that too when I first joined H-O. But I open up rather quickly because we're talking about our baby dogs here so there is no wave of unworthiness feeling that hits I still feel like that sometimes especially after I posted a reply that is sorta contradictory than others' replies... I know I can do better than this I'm working on it but this is one of those days when I feel so low and down so spare me LOL I'll perk back up next week or so x)

EDIT: nooo I'll perk back up sooner than that thanks for giving me a confidence boost guys greatly appreciated now how do I throw cookies from Indo to US/UK LOL

Edited June 13, 2012 by mydiamond

[Rosemary]

I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time Olivia. I have never understood depression, as I don't suffer from it, but I realy feel for anyone who does because it is such a difficult thing to live with.

We are always here Olivia, you can speak to us about whatever you want and must never feel we don't care, because we do care about you .... a lot. Big hugs to you.

[Stranger]

I am like that today, feel like i pester people, and can be in peoples faces to much, that it makes me become so self aware and i often choose not to talk about what i am really thinking and feeling and go off on a completely different direction.

The key is to just say what you want and need to say, even if its a personnel message to yourself, or a thread that you dont expect people to read.

How about starting a blog, somewhere were you can vent?

I always find pleasure in reading your comments or threads, especially when it comes to the little husky down the road.

we all have days where we need to just BLAH as i put it lol, alot of un understandble words but makes us feel better, even if no one understands lol

[Seppun]

I've struggled with Depression and Anxiety since I was a toddler, so I'm not just telling you this to make you feel better; depressions, anxieties and other mental problems are not something that need to be qualified nor quantified. Something in your mind is unhealthy and that is a very large obstacle for you, it doesn't matter if other's have a mountain, jumping your wall can still feel just as insurmountable.

Think of it this way, if you hadn't eaten in a week and then found out someone in China hasn't eaten in a month, does that suddenly fill your belly? No. The type of people on those forums are people like you, and like me, and they generally are going to be understanding of that fact. Let that community help you through your issues and when you get better you can pay it back in kind.

[mydiamond]

I know thanks everyone For Seppun: I will come back there eventually, but maybe not now gotta slap my face a lil' bit and then I'll be back

[BingBlaze n Skyla]

big hugs xx

[mydiamond]

thanks for everyone's replies greatly appreciated I might lose all the courage and run back to the dark corner once I really entered that forum but for now, I feel confident and would be ready to check back any thread I created there deffo not leaving, I can't cure myself

[AttilaVikingsDemon]

You are right, a lot of people have it way worse than us, and although that doesn't help to make you feel better about your situation because it doesn't change anything for you, helping someone in some way, making someone else happy does help to make yourself happy-just a thought, I'm not very good at offering advice about these things, but I do hope you feel better

[Jeramyeggs]

I have struggled with social situations my whole life. I was born with a cleft pallet, and have to have surgery as a child so I could speak properly. I was afraid of talking to others because of fear of getting made fun of. I still hate talking on a phone, and my throat specialist is amazed that I speak normally. My wife says she can't hear anything wrong with my voice, but this has been with me since I was 5. Sometimes you have to do what makes you uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable. I am sorry that you struggle, and wish there is a easy fix. You might try reminding yourself that underneath the surface, normal people are just like you. They struggle with their own demons.

Rule number one: don't sweat the small stuff.

Rule number two: Everything is small stuff.

Again, I wish I could help you more, and you are fine. :thumbup:

Sent from my ADR6425LVW using Tapatalk 2

[DogTyred]

I have always suffered.. Whether it's anxiety, panic attacks, generally a bit blue or like now a breakdown.. I have always been paranoid as well.. Even if I have a good experience with someone I walk away thinking they are laughing at me.. I check back on everything I say in case i offend or sound stupid.. I constantly think about what other people might say to me and not what they do say.. My dr has put me on citrolopram 20mg and I have to say they have taken the edge off of the little things... You can always email me with anything.. just getting something off your chest whatever it is sometimes helps.. I will never judge you.. I've been told that's the best thing about me.. The forum may help you.. you should try and go back and hopefully you'll be surprised

I feel for you.. It's no fun that's for sure! It's just the way were made I think.. God dam brain! xxx

[Kells xx]

i have had depression and horrible thoughts...

if you ever just want to vent and be unjudged then pm me your email address..

im a great listener and sometimes just typing out your feeling will help!!

have you spoken to a dr about a social worker or a support network....

maybe a group thing or just a phone number to call xxxx

i hope you feel better soon hunni xxxxx

[Hyshqa]

Just because others seem to have 'worse' problems doesn't mean your isn't worth sharing and dealing with. If something is a problem for you it doesn't matter what is going on with anyone else, or whether someone else would see it as a big problem for them or not. It bothers you, that's all that matters. Never worry about sharing your problems here, this may be a husky forum but we're here to support each other through all sorts of things

[Shaiasaur]

Olivia, everything will get better, I promise.

Is it just the fear of posting something and scared what people will say?

I never heard of someone having this.

But we are all here for you in your time of need and I am your friend, so if you ever, I mean EVER need anything, please do not hesitate to ask me.

Always here for you, girl!

[Elyse]

[loops]

all this on top of teen angst?. Keep at it kiddo, you and dime against the world, cos together you are stronger- add us lot into the bargain and youre a super hero!! Maybe we can ask admin to put up a spoiled brat section lol, never ever think that "its her pathetic moaning again" will even enter our heads so post away and pass me the cookies xxxx

[joshmp5]

After being in combat in war, I look at things a lot differently than i used to. I can tell you this. You don't have to necessarly feel like your problems aren't important because others have problems. Your problems are YOURS, so you are going to be worrying about them. Everyone deals with their issues in different ways. I used to drink. A lot. Maybe it was survivors guilt, maybe i was just trying to get burnt in images of combat out of my head. Doesn't matter. One day I woke up and said what the hell am i doing to myself. so, i rarely drink these days. Point is, (if i were you) i would use that forum and not be scared about who's going to say what. if you need to vent things, do it and damn all who have anything bad to say about it. if you can use it to better yourself, go for it. Never ever hold yourself back for any reason.

Remember, everyone in the world has problems. some are worse than others, some aren't. if you don't pose yourself as a self centered drama queen (which you say you don't lol so don't sweat it) then it's just you venting and trying a new outlet to help yourself. (my personal opinion is that i very rarely care what people have to say, unless it's good input (which is hard to find))

In essence (yes i wrote a novel) keep on keeping on. wake up every day and do what you can to keep your happy on throughout the day. take care!

[Cherrie-Nanook-Indy]

Liv, I am sorry that you are feeling this way. My only advice is that things will get better. At the moment you are a young girl with a trillion things going on, it's the worst part of being a girl your age. I used to be worried all the time what people thought of me when I said stuff, just remember Liv we are all here for you do if you ever just want to vent feel free. Xxxxxx

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

[simhauu]

You could, at that forum, create a thread and check a box there (or in your Preferences) to notify you when a new reply to your thread is posted. I hope you do check your email sometimes. I don't have anything like this but I used to be shy way back when I first joined some forum and decided to be actually active there. I almost never created a thread there but if I did I set it to notify me so that I would stop sitting and waiting for a reply. Sometimes you can even read it in the email, so you don't really have to go back to the forum.

Since you have Dime, and don't want to open there with a problem, you cou start (or look up) a thread there about dogs like Do you have a pet/ Who's your closest friend/anything. And post about him, in time you'll get confident enough to open about yourself, it'd be a good start because you're open about Dime here too.

Although on the other hand, the forum you are afraid of, came right here through this thread to you. Good luck.

[BlueWolf]

I sense two things. Correct me if I'm wrong though.

First of all, being depressed. I used to have that too. It started with one single bad thing and quickly everything was bad, awful and I felt depressed watching the sad world go by. For me it really helped start working on a personal project, to produce something and being able to show it to others (music and video it was for me) and make a little change in the world, no matter how small it was. It really helped to get me out of the depression, alongside with stop reading about things that made me feel depressed while I couldn't do anything about it (the news, for example).

The other thing, afraid of being judged, right?

That's a kind of harder thing to deal with. People have always tried to 'fix' that for me, but nothing really worked. I was afraid of tests, I didn't want to stood out of the rest and my heart always skipped a beat when I saw I got the first reply on a thread I posted on the web.

At some point I saw someone wearing a T-shirt saying "Just do it!". I kind of liked that sentence and I kept remembering it. When I got to a hard decision (Shall I say home, nice and safe in my comfort zone, or shall I do that think actually want to do?) I told myself "Just do it!". Whenever I realised I was deciding whether I should stay in my comfort zone or do something crazy I always said "Just do it!", no thinking after that allowed, that's something for afterwards. Since then I done so many things I normally wouldn't have done before. That really changed a lot for me. One of the things I can currently recall is going to England for husky camp, learning about spiritual animal communication, moving to a better course and joining a random public pillow fight in Amsterdam.

Hope how I handled it can help you a bit. If you need someone to talk or rant to, I'll be here alongside with the others who offered it too

[mydiamond]

guys thanks a WHOLE lot for your supports now the thanks goes for everyone but for @simhauu I started a thread trying to gather dog owners there and I got my first friend in the forum! OH MY GOODNESS!! The fear is fading away, okay it's still there but after I got my first personal message from someone who cares (and she's a collie owner! COLLIES! Do you hear me? It's a COLLIE!) I started to see the forum as nothing terrifying. Starting to put it on the same level as H-O: my second home. A home is a safe house, one place Mr. Fear can't enter unfortunately things are going backwards these days but my fighting spirit is there. I know I can battle this stupid depression I am losing atm but will win next time massive thanks for all the supports

EDIT: and Diamond is a hero. People were like "aw I love huskies" "now THAT is a handsome dog" and things like that I owe him a bag of treats really!

Edited June 14, 2012 by mydiamond

[mydiamond]

Olivia, everything will get better, I promise.

Is it just the fear of posting something and scared what people will say?

I never heard of someone having this.

But we are all here for you in your time of need and I am your friend, so if you ever, I mean EVER need anything, please do not hesitate to ask me.

Always here for you, girl!

actually, it leans more to fear of what am I supposed to say x) I am really scared I would make a mistake because parents <especially dad> always scolds me for things that is in my opinion minor matters such as not putting the money on the table before the pizza man arrives and being sick. Yes, you read that correctly I got scolded for being sick as well I hate to blame them all the time but in all honesty...... I often think that they're the reason why am I so scared of making mistakes =\

[Storm Angel n Auroras Mum]

Liv, you are the brightest smartest teenager I know on the planet.

Never be afraid to grab life by both hands, and never let it go.

xxx

[simhauu]

guys thanks a WHOLE lot for your supports now the thanks goes for everyone but for @simhauu I started a thread trying to gather dog owners there and I got my first friend in the forum! OH MY GOODNESS!! The fear is fading away, okay it's still there but after I got my first personal message from someone who cares (and she's a collie owner! COLLIES! Do you hear me? It's a COLLIE!) I started to see the forum as nothing terrifying. Starting to put it on the same level as H-O: my second home. A home is a safe house, one place Mr. Fear can't enter unfortunately things are going backwards these days but my fighting spirit is there. I know I can battle this stupid depression I am losing atm but will win next time massive thanks for all the supports

EDIT: and Diamond is a hero. People were like "aw I love huskies" "now THAT is a handsome dog" and things like that I owe him a bag of treats really!

Wait wait I'm a little confused, I hope you don't think that I don't support you. I do, I really do that is why I proposed the dog thread. If I'm just reading it wrong I'm sorry, I'm a little sick.

Edit: My mom used to tell me sometimes that I only made up that I am sick that I'm just imagining that I have a fever.

Edited June 14, 2012 by simhauu

[sutsibe]

Hang in there, Liv - things will get better! The more you post (or do other things that scare you) and succeed, the easier it will get, as your confidence level grows. Parents can be awful that way, sometimes, but remember, they make mistakes at times, too (they're human too!)!

[Removed #5]

Olivia, I've avoided this thread, but as always HO people come through with just the right words!

I've dealt with depression since I was in my teens and have found that I *can* live with it but to put it in simple terms - It really SUCKS!!!

You come across here as so outgoing and (not quite, but close) bon vivant that I can't picture a depressed Olivia - but then I read some between the lines of your relationship with your parents and I can see that side as well.

You're an exceptionally well spoken, intelligent young lady and one of these days - with the gods on your side - you'll be out on your own ( well, you and Diamond ) and you'll find a whole new set of problems - but take everything one step at a time and you can conquer them.