Annoying Children ...

[Paranormal Wolf]

I wonder what it is exactly that makes some children more of a handful that others. I've know some parents who really do and have tried with their kids and nothing works. Then there's parents that don't try at all and the kids take advantage of that. Then there's others who have children who do behave. Like you said @Sqwidge everyone, including children are different and respond to different things in different ways.

[Rosemary]

What makes it more confusing is that in a family, one child can be the perfect child, while the other, who has everything the first child has, is difficult and has behaviour issues.

I spoke to my daughter about this yesterday and she burst out laughing - not at the subject, but at my comments. She says I am living in cloud cuckoo land, and am out of touch with reality Parents in SA seem to be having the same problems as parents all over the world - I just don't see it happening

[Biggles]

It is not easy being a parent. Kids have a built in antenna and know when you are not giving them your full concentration and will use the opportunity to play up however is a parents responsibility to ensure they do their best for their children which unfortunately doesn't always seem to be the case but there are many parents who do try. Unfortunately it is the kids that are the pains in the backside that seem to get all the attention which is unfair on those that are well behaved. Speaking to friends that are primary school teachers and hearing their comments I am so glad I don't teach this age group. More children are coming into school and are not even potty trained (Aged 4 years) let alone have the ability to sit still or follow instructions or play/share with others. Some friends have even told me that when they have spoken to the parents about a child's lack of social skills have been told by the parents that it's the teachers job to teach them and not theirs. I am a parent of two now grown up boys and can remember that when one of mine was being a particularly awful teenager at home and I was dreading parents evening it ended up with all the teachers singing his praises. I even asked one if she was talking about my son and not confused him with another child he was that awful at home. Sometimes the old saying "Angel out, Devil in" springs to mind. Children do vent their emotions frequently around family, however I have to say that when I have a troublesome student and then I meet the parents a lot is answered from just talking and listening to the parent. My pet hate is the parents who throw money at their kids so that they can go out and not bother them or the ones whose parents are so busy working/socialising themselves they don't have time for their children. This last year I was wishing one of my students happy birthday and found out that the only company he had was the dogs as his parents were away on business. He didn't even have a birthday present. Or the students who are given a £50 note to buy their lunch with. Parents again have high powered jobs and live in a multi million pound house. I call these kids cash rich but parent time poor. The kids effectively bringing themselves up as their parents are so caught up in their own lives. I wonder if their was rehoming for kids how many would be rehomed as the parents can't be bothered to cope with the difficulties that come with parenting. I take my hat off to the parents who even though they are struggling with the challenges don't give up.

[Circe]

If our dogs behaved the way children do these days they would have been taken away as menaces.

[Storm Angel n Auroras Mum]

I have tried and tried to get my son diagnosed with ADHD but apparently because his behaviour is not consistent which is what it says in their textbooks.

My response to that was that not every child will be textbook compatible!

I hate taking both kids out together, its not easy.

I have been on so many parenting courses and none of them work on Jordon.

I only hope that those of you that dont currently have kids dont end up with a kid like I did because its not easy and its almost split my marriage up several times.

So please, dont label me as a lazy useless parent, I do try hard and have done for 11 years but nothing I do works

[Rosemary]

Louise, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you and Alex to constantly struggle with a child with behaviour issues, and I truly sympathise. I hope I have not come across as judgmental or uncaring, as I certainly don't mean to.

[Storm Angel n Auroras Mum]

Louise, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you and Alex to constantly struggle with a child with behaviour issues, and I truly sympathise. I hope I have not come across as judgmental or uncaring, as I certainly don't mean to.

Oh no not at all Rosemary.

I just mean in general with people saying that if they had kids they wouldnt be allowed to behave like that.

People need to realise that sometimes you dont have a choice, its the way the child turns out.

[Biggles]

The problem with ADHD is that it is on a spectrum from mild cases to highly challenging cases. Children with ADHD can be fine one minute and then something, and it can be really trivial, sets them off. It is also extremely difficult to use reasoning that would work with another child as their perception is different. Frequently children with ADHD are extremely intelligent and they have a low boredom threshold - attention span of a knat springs to mind. The downside is suffers from ADHD can be extremely impulsive, easily distracted and besides constantly fidgeting and on the go often don't need a lot of sleep. I take my hat off to Louise for the amount of effort that it takes to care for a child with ADHD and no support from any Government agencies. Socialising with a child with ADHD must be a nightmare as children with ADHD have difficulty coping with this and are frequently at their worst and the thought of taking a child with ADHD shopping must be the stuff of nightmares. It has to be remembered that children with ADHD don't always misbehave on purpose, they just can't help themselves. However, there are many children out there who misbehave because they have not been taught manners because their parents are totally disinterested. What I do find interesting is that frequently these children know the law and their rights better than you and I do. It's a shame they just aren't taught how to behave in an appropriate manner.

[HuskyMom09]

I don't have any human children, and can't say I'm fond of them. I am so sick of parents these days thinking their kids don't need any structure or discipline. To think that human children can run rampant screaming and doing whatever they want while I have leash laws and only certain places I'm allowed to go with my 'kids' that are at least better behaved than most people's children drives me batwackie! I've seen parent's more concerned with being their kids BFFs than actually parent or think their children don't need guidance or direction because they are just miniature adults. Where do people come up with these ideas!?!

[Kells xx]

a few of my cousins have been 'diagnosed' with adhd.... and whilst im sure it is a medical problem...............they DO NOT have it

quite simply they are brats!!!!, they have been treated like princes and princesses since they were born and dont like the word no or adults to dont pander to them....

they are only ever given multiples of 100's on their birthdays and expect many treats/gifts when taken out...

they dont clean their own rooms/selfs.....

they are primped and preened by the parents and any bad behaviour is brushed aside and blamed on teachers/other kids.....

im sure some kids DO have the condition but for some naughty kids its slapped on to settle the crap parents......

if your kid does have it then i am truly sorry as im sure its a horrible thing to have to deal with, some children are unruly no matter what you do

[Storm Angel n Auroras Mum]

The problem with ADHD is that it is on a spectrum from mild cases to highly challenging cases. Children with ADHD can be fine one minute and then something, and it can be really trivial, sets them off. It is also extremely difficult to use reasoning that would work with another child as their perception is different. Frequently children with ADHD are extremely intelligent and they have a low boredom threshold - attention span of a knat springs to mind. The downside is suffers from ADHD can be extremely impulsive, easily distracted and besides constantly fidgeting and on the go often don't need a lot of sleep. I take my hat off to Louise for the amount of effort that it takes to care for a child with ADHD and no support from any Government agencies. Socialising with a child with ADHD must be a nightmare as children with ADHD have difficulty coping with this and are frequently at their worst and the thought of taking a child with ADHD shopping must be the stuff of nightmares. It has to be remembered that children with ADHD don't always misbehave on purpose, they just can't help themselves. However, there are many children out there who misbehave because they have not been taught manners because their parents are totally disinterested. What I do find interesting is that frequently these children know the law and their rights better than you and I do. It's a shame they just aren't taught how to behave in an appropriate manner.

Thanks hun. I have no proof he does have it as the docs refuse.to.diagnose. My biggest fear is one day he will get hold of a knife when in one of his moods and then what?

Im sorry for taking over this thread.

Last thing i want is everyone feeling sorry for me, i got dealt a hand and i deal with it everyday. Because i have to. I refuse to send him away, not that it hasnt crossed my mind many a time. Xx

[davidjk]

society has changed so radically over the past 20 years. when i was young you did as you where told or you got punished.

corporal punishment was banned in schools, i know people are against it and some are for it, i personally am for it until they find a way that works. if i misbehaved badly as a child i got a smack and i learnt to behave quickly.

then add to that most families need both parents to work to make a decent living, the parents feel guilty and throw money at the children who then go out and spend it on cheap booze and drugs (designer drugs are £2 a hit)

add to that the must have disposable society we live in its is no wonder that things are so messed up.

give it a generation or 2 i think things will start to improve as people realize how bad things are

[Biggles]

My last comment as well, as I am sorry to take over the the thread. However, Louise is your son at secondary school yet? They will have a teacher/assistant head responsible for Additional Educational Needs explain your concerns. I would keep a diary of what he's like and what causes mood swings, if you can pick up on them. Ask for an assessment of educational needs as the way children are assessed is changing. The good thing for you is the law has now changed and the pot of money that he will be entitled to is spent according to your wishes and not the school's and will last until he finishes education (I believe it is up to 25 years old). If he isn't at secondary school and at primary if he is assessed with an AEN you will have the right to choose the school you want him to attend. I would go down the educational route and not the GP route to get help as you will more likely get more help this way.

[Storm Angel n Auroras Mum]

My last comment as well, as I am sorry to take over the the thread. However, Louise is your son at secondary school yet? They will have a teacher/assistant head responsible for Additional Educational Needs explain your concerns. I would keep a diary of what he's like and what causes mood swings, if you can pick up on them. Ask for an assessment of educational needs as the way children are assessed is changing. The good thing for you is the law has now changed and the pot of money that he will be entitled to is spent according to your wishes and not the school's and will last until he finishes education (I believe it is up to 25 years old). If he isn't at secondary school and at primary if he is assessed with an AEN you will have the right to choose the school you want him to attend. I would go down the educational route and not the GP route to get help as you will more likely get more help this way.

Starts september.x

[Removed #1]

This thread has been an interesting read. Anyone on here whose met me will tell you that I am NOT a lazy parent. I'm generally busy running around doing what needs to be done. The older children are well behaved (for the most part) in public, and I continue to be amazed at the compliments I get on their behavior from virtual strangers...

....then we have my toddler. Her name means Dragon...nicknamed the Bear...the Red Menace...the most destructive force known to man (seriously...she's destroyed things that had survived multiple combat tours). All of those horrible moments that have been described by my childless furbaby lovers...I have likely endured with the toddler. I have honestly had friends ask me if she was raised by wild animals in the forest, and other childless children have suggested that I leave her with Gypsies. I have had the unfortunate incident of taking her grocery shopping and had her grab something out of the cart and actually manage to hit someone with the item (it was toilet paper). She throws herself on the ground when she doesn't get her way...and yes I just pick her up and often leave the store rather than finishing what I was doing. I tell her no...and she immediately pops into blood curdling screams, "DON'T BEAT ME!" in the middle of the store.

Does this draw stares? Horrible looks, whispers, and sometimes people actually threatening me? Yes. Yes it does. Nothing anyone can say as they pass judgement can really compare to the mortification that swallows me up and the sheer dread at the prospect of taking her with me to somewhere as simple as the grocery store. I love her to death, but some days I wish she just had a little (okay a lot) less of a desire to test boundaries and push limits.

I realize that not everyone has chosen to have children, and when I go out I do my best to ensure that our presence doesn't impede the ability of others to enjoy whatever horrible chore they're doing (no one likes grocery shopping, do they?). I just hope over time that maybe some of my childless peers can extend to me the same understanding with my toddler as she pushes her limits...as they expect myself and others to extend to their dogs.

[Rosemary]

I tell her no...and she immediately pops into blood curdling screams, "DON'T BEAT ME!" in the middle of the store.

Really Steph ? Oh my goodness! I can just imagine the looks you get

She is obviously extremely bright, and will probably be a very successful lawyer or negotiator one day Bless her, but she is going to push you to the limit all the way. But then again, hopefully it is just a phase she is going through.

[Storm Angel n Auroras Mum]

This thread has been an interesting read. Anyone on here whose met me will tell you that I am NOT a lazy parent. I'm generally busy running around doing what needs to be done. The older children are well behaved (for the most part) in public, and I continue to be amazed at the compliments I get on their behavior from virtual strangers...

....then we have my toddler. Her name means Dragon...nicknamed the Bear...the Red Menace...the most destructive force known to man (seriously...she's destroyed things that had survived multiple combat tours). All of those horrible moments that have been described by my childless furbaby lovers...I have likely endured with the toddler. I have honestly had friends ask me if she was raised by wild animals in the forest, and other childless children have suggested that I leave her with Gypsies. I have had the unfortunate incident of taking her grocery shopping and had her grab something out of the cart and actually manage to hit someone with the item (it was toilet paper). She throws herself on the ground when she doesn't get her way...and yes I just pick her up and often leave the store rather than finishing what I was doing. I tell her no...and she immediately pops into blood curdling screams, "DON'T BEAT ME!" in the middle of the store.

Does this draw stares? Horrible looks, whispers, and sometimes people actually threatening me? Yes. Yes it does. Nothing anyone can say as they pass judgement can really compare to the mortification that swallows me up and the sheer dread at the prospect of taking her with me to somewhere as simple as the grocery store. I love her to death, but some days I wish she just had a little (okay a lot) less of a desire to test boundaries and push limits.

I realize that not everyone has chosen to have children, and when I go out I do my best to ensure that our presence doesn't impede the ability of others to enjoy whatever horrible chore they're doing (no one likes grocery shopping, do they?). I just hope over time that maybe some of my childless peers can extend to me the same understanding with my toddler as she pushes her limits...as they expect myself and others to extend to their dogs.

Good god steph i feel your pain.

[Paranormal Wolf]

I have tried and tried to get my son diagnosed with ADHD but apparently because his behaviour is not consistent which is what it says in their textbooks.

My response to that was that not every child will be textbook compatible!

I hate taking both kids out together, its not easy.

I have been on so many parenting courses and none of them work on Jordon.

I only hope that those of you that dont currently have kids dont end up with a kid like I did because its not easy and its almost split my marriage up several times.

So please, dont label me as a lazy useless parent, I do try hard and have done for 11 years but nothing I do works

I give you kudos because you are trying. That's they key thing with me. If I see a parent at least trying, even if its not working, I really do feel for them and am more tolerant. Even if the parent at least talks or tries to talk to the child, tries to give some correction or guidance than at least I know they are trying their best. I understand no one is perfect and this includes both parents and children. I just get highly annoyed when the parent doesn't even try in the least bit, not even once and just watches as say a child runs out the door (I've seen this happen and traffic is busy). I know a parent who lets her little twin girls run around unwatched and they have ran out the door and onto the street. Its parents like that that get under my skin, the ones who never try. Children are a challenge for sure and surprisingly enough even though I don't have any I have worked with them. In high school I majored in child development and we ran a daycare for a few weeks. Then when I was in church I was a Sunday school teacher and let me tell you some of those kids were absolute nightmares! But I tried to at least guide them since they weren't my kids. "Use an inside voice so we don't bother others." "Or don't hit because that's not nice." I gave time outs and what not, was given permission to spank some but never did as they are not my children. Did any of it work? Not always but the fact is I tried which is more than some parents I see even consider.

[Julieanne]

This thread brought back the image of my nanna chasing me with a large wooden spoon down the driveway 

 

Anyway, I've come by kids who are better behaved then their parents. Kids that just want to be kids yet their parents wont let them socialize and constantly put them down. I really feel sorry for them .

Though I will also say these day's kids and young people seem to get everything put on a plate for them and will grow up not being able to cope in the real world.

[jessiezara90]

I'm not a parent but I am a teacher from the ages of 7 - 18. I have them one to one and some are such a pleasure, but some not so much. There are so many rules to stick to there's not much you can do when they are being rude or disruptive. When I first started teaching I swear they can smell fresh meat lol...