Scared for my safety....

[Elyse]

So.

I'm feeling very disturbed and violated...

While I was walking to school this morning (to the bus terminal), this guy approaches me. He commented about my coat, said it wasn't cold enough to be wearing it. I agreed, it was warm outside (8 C) but told him I didn't check the weather before I left.

I thought he would leave me alone then. He didn't.

As we were walking, he asked me a few questions like:

Where are you from? (I answered Toronto - lie...though I should have said I was from Sudbury. That would have implied I had family here.)

What's your name? (Jennifer - lie)

Do you have a phone number I can contact you? I'd like to take you out to lunch "or something" sometime. (Thank you, but no. To which he replied, "Of course not, you probably think I'm some weirdo.")

He said he usually doesn't talk to people like this, but that he's "drawn" to me for some reason. I noticed he almost said he found me attractive multiple times (but he stopped himself.). He repeated this a few times.

He said his name was 'Marty', and he hoped we could 'hang out' soon.

Good god, totally creeped the f--- out right now.

I reported the incident to the police, asking if they have a registry of sex offenders/predators. Because he certainly felt like a predator. He wasn't aggressive, but he seemed sneaky and like he had an ulterior motive.... (murder or torture or rape or all of the above!?!?!)

Now, usually I'm pretty DAMN good at detecting if people are a danger or not. I didn't get much of a 'bad vibe' from him at the time. Perhaps he's able to hide it. But I certainly have a bad vibe about him now!

I think I'm going to invest in some bear mace, and spray him in the eyes if he tries anything. Make that mo-fo go temporarily blind while I run to the police station/call 9-1-1.

(Or, I can just beg my parents to let me have my car. That way, I won't have to face potential criminal charges for excessive self-defense.)

[Sparks]

hmmm doesnt sound good...

just one firm kick in the nuts... trust me he wont get up for a while, its hurts lol

[Andy]

A swift hard knee to the nuts will tell him your true feelings.

Change your route, to the bus.

Set out at different times.

If you don't see him again. He was just a bit of a chancer.

If he's still around after changing your routine, you know there is a stalkery element to this

and then definately get the police involved again.

[Devildust76]

Must admit I agree with [MENTION=858]Sparks[/MENTION] one swift kick in the groin and he'll crumple like a ragdoll Plus mace is always good

[Elyse]

Thanks for the suggestions, guys!

Nah, when I sat in a few times to watch my friend do Karate, the instructor said to NOT kick the guy in the nuts...cause they'll be expecting it and they can catch your leg...then you're basically at their mercy.

Unfortunately I can't change my route, its practically the only route unless I want to take a 2 hour detour around the neighbourhood. Or take a taxi to school and back every day...which would be about $50 a day, I can't afford that!

I doubt my parents will allow me to take my car up, even though that will solve MANY problems (wouldn't be wasting so much time on public transit/walking to places.) besides being safer. It's a 6 hour drive up mostly through dark narrow roads, you see, and they'll probably be afraid I'd hit a moose or a bear.

I only have 1 more day until the end of classes before exams...and tomorrow I set out at 9:30am instead of 11:00am. So hopefully I'll be okay once he realizes I haven't shown up for a few days?

God, I've never been this scared before. I just wanna go home and hug my dog!

[simhauu]

Sorry about your meeting him. I have at a few occasions in my life met people like that. Not just like him but similar. Buy a pepper spray or something, it can never hurt.

When I was like 7 or so, me, my sister and our 2 cousins were outside playing in snow. At one moment I saw my sister and a cousin run away and they were waving at us to come to them. Then my vision turned to the pavement and toward us some guy was coming. So I grabbed my cousin and we went around this building, so as not to cross him on our way. Well as we are about to finish going around the building guess who we see on our right? So we ran for our lives.

Then I had at occasions met people who tried to touch at that place down there. D: One was an old guy in a tram, the other a fairly young guy in a shopping centre...

And the last one was this guy who started talking to me at a tram stop. He started asking about name, age, where I was going... stupid 13 year old I was, I answered all the questions truthfully. Then he asked if he could sit next to me. I didn't want to be impolite so I nodded. And he started talking and asking more questions, with me getting more and more uncomfortable. Then this guy came and asked where was the ticket machine instead of standing up and going to show him I just pointed my hand and said right behind me. He was like 'Oh...' and I cursed myself for what I did. Luckily the guy didn't give up and came back and asked something again. To which I stood up and walked behind him. The old guy asked if we were related, he said no I said yes. 2 minutes later, the tram came, in it I thanked the guy many times and when he asked for my name I lied.

I've done almost a year of thai box, and still I can say I would be scared if I met some weirdo. With cars it's... when I went shopping in the evening alone I always locked myself. There were incidents reported that while woman was putting her shopping bags in the back of the car, someone slipped in the car. I'm very suspicious of what could happen.

[joshmp5]

that's why i carry a gun. =) instead of the groin a fast punch to the throat will do the trick as well!

[Andy]

that's why i carry a gun. =) instead of the groin a fast punch to the throat will do the trick as well!

Unfortunately Elyse isn't allowed to carry a firearm as she lives in Canada.

However, straightforward self defence is available in all countries.

Always remember to aim your punch 6" past whatever is is you want to hit,

that way the punch always passes through the point of contact with full force.

[kaiser]

hmmm doesnt sound good...

just one firm kick in the nuts... trust me he wont get up for a while, its hurts lol

and when he does get up he will feel sick lol

[Liz Jones]

Having a daughter myself this is on of my biggest worries.. Can you carry something in your bag that will make a very loud noise... Is there anyone who can go with you??? How busy is it when you are waiting for the bus?? Can you approach a member of staff if you are worried!!

Lets hope you don't meet the prick again and I was a one off stay safe x

---

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[Elyse]

Unfortunately Elyse isn't allowed to carry a firearm as she lives in Canada.

However, straightforward self defence is available in all countries.

Always remember to aim your punch 6" past whatever is is you want to hit,

that way the punch always passes through the point of contact with full force.

Thanks...but I'm not a very strong person...which is why I want mace.

Actually, I technically would be legally allowed to carry a gun as long as I have a license and it is in full view of the public at all times (concealed carry is illegal in Canada, I think.). But getting a license is a long and painful process here.

But, unless I think he was threatening my life (and there were witnesses), I would probably be booked for using an 'excessive amount of force' to defend myself if I used a gun.

Cause the law goes like this:

You are allowed to defend yourself, and your property, but ONLY using the same amount of force or one step above it. And if they're fleeing you can't attack them, as that's considered assault. And all of the above only applies if the situation can't be resolved by running away. (Yeah, the law's messed up.)

[siberian_wolf]

Creepy, I'd be scared too!!!! That's when I'm glad to have Gizmo with me as he doesn't like strangers. About the only time I don't mind him growling at someone!

[Elyse]

Having a daughter myself this is on of my biggest worries.. Can you carry something in your bag that will make a very loud noise... Is there anyone who can go with you??? How busy is it when you are waiting for the bus?? Can you approach a member of staff if you are worried!!

Lets hope you don't meet the prick again and I was a one off stay safe x

---

I am here: http://tapatalk.com/map.php?0ppfn5

Yeah, I have a FOX 40 whistle...but I doubt that will alarm anybody. Kinda like the whole "false car alarm" syndrome where people don't respond to car alarms anymore cause they're so common in everyday life.

Or somebody would just think its a whistle from a sports coach, since a high school is nearby.

Nah, nobody can go with me...unfortunately. I wish, cause that would be the first thing I would have tried. Safety in numbers and all that.

Thankfully it was a main street (downtown), but I suspect he was only being 'civil' because there were other people there. If we were alone...

I really hope it was a one-time thing and he pisses off...

[LuvMyKai]

Woah, what a weirdo!!! That is seriously creepy, i agree you should carry something with you, there are some serious creeps out there!!!

[Removed #5]

If I were you, I wouldn't think twice about getting some serious strength mace. When people start invading someones boundaries it's time to sugest they "gettheflickaway"!

I like your comment about physical response, if you don't *really* know what you're doing, you're right, you can end up in more serious trouble than you expected - mace on the other hand will normally stop 99.9% of the weirdo's!

You said, I think, that you reported it to the police ( OPP? ) hope they took it seriously - in this really stupid day and age, it's almost criminal to ignore the possibility.

Stay safe, girl!!

[ponder85]

Sounds like a very weak pickup attempt from a guy who is a little odd, but found you attractive. He's most likely harmless. Think about it, if he had bad intentions, he wouldn't try to talk to you in a crowded public place. He'd go after someone alone, and most likely at night.

With all that said, I think it's extremely important for anyone (especially a young woman) to be as armed as the law allows. My girlfriend has a concealed carry permit (it's legal here, obviously) and is pretty competent with firearms. She could probably outshoot a lot of men. She also carries mace on her keychain. I usually carry when I go out, and keep a loaded shotgun next to my bed. I know guns aren't an option for you, just making a point.

IMO, you should familiarize yourself with the local laws. I don't think macing the guy in that situation would have been smart. In the US being creeped out doesn't ok physical harm.

The best thing you can do for yourself is be confident. Don't seem weak. Don't be scared to tell him youd rather not talk to him. When he said the thing about being a wierdo, I'd have replied "yes I do think you are a wierdo, and I'd rather you leave me alone, please". Say what you think, be confident, and if he was going to harm you, he will probably then go look for an easier target.

If you tell him to leave you alone, and he doesn't, at that point I think you'd be justified in taking the next step. But don't take my adivce, look into your laws thoroughly. Post confrontation is the wrong time to learn the laws.

Edited December 4, 2012 by ponder85

[Kathirin]

Thats really creepy. What i would suggest is if u cant change your route find a buddy to walk to the buss with that way u aren't alone. Hope you never have to see him again.

[Staceybob]

Reminds me of this creepy dude that owned a shop in the village I used to live in. One day he encouraged me to go in the back room with him and handed me his telephone number without his wife looking telling me to drop him a text about the DIY job I was trying to do and he'd help as best as he could. Anyway, gullible me, I text him and he started replying asking me things like how I was and what I was up to. Then at some point he cracked a sexual joke that I found a little weird. Some time after I needed to use the shop again. Unfortunately his wife wasn't there so it was just me and him. He started asking me whether I could drive, what car I had, where abouts I lived, what number... It was very awkward. It got to a point I got scared to visit the shop.

One day I walked by the shop and noticed only his wife was in there. I walked in and pretended to shop for things until the shop was vacant and then nearly ended up crying on her. I shown her all the text messages. She was very upset.

He never bothered me again.

Stacey xxx

[BingBlaze n Skyla]

Wow be careful can u not just get some headphones n pretend you can't hear him , v don't even have to have them on I've had to do that a lot for some reason I used to attract a lot ov strange older men so a lot ov the time I'd pretend I couldn't hear them tended to happen on a bus to me so I'd sit n look out the window to to make it look more realistic that I couldn't hear , I had one man ask me for the time so I was polite n told him then he kept asking me where I lived so I told him an area the bus passes thru n he told me where he lived n told me to visit him he wouldn't let up so I said I would to get him to leave me alone luckily he got off the bus before me otherwise I'd have had one massive walk home :-/

Sent from my ST18i using Forum Runner

[Elyse]

Thanks for all the support, help and suggestions everyone!

[MENTION=2677]ponder85[/MENTION]

I talked to the police, and described the situation. They said there are multiple kinds of sexual predators...the one I dealt with was most likely the 'private' or 'silent' type...where they try to slowly build your trust and get to know you, especially in public places, and then when you're alone they get rid of the 'mask' and their whole attitude changes. And I would have thought it was a really, really weak pickup attempt too...but the guy was dirty and he looked...well...unkept.

I've been researching the law for a few hours today, so I think I know what is appropriate and what is not in a situation like that. I will admit I'm a really timid person, so I didn't want tell him to go away (even though I felt like it), but I guess I'll have to build a lot of self confidence...

I'm still going to see if I can get bear mace to use as a threat if he/somebody else for more...threatening cases, but I'll say to everyone I see its for bears...and that might work because there have been quite a few bear sightings up here in the neighbourhoods.

I'll try the 'fake listening to music' headphone idea, thanks Nix!

[ponder85]

Lol, why tell people it's for bears? I know people who carry it for protection, and aren't shy to say what it's for.

Glad the police were helpful.

[Elyse]

Lol, why tell people it's for bears? I know people who carry it for protection, and aren't shy to say what it's for.

Glad the police were helpful.

Cause its illegal to carry it unless if its for protection against an animal; and its certainly illegal to use it against a person no matter if its for self defense or not.

[ponder85]

Cause its illegal to carry it unless if its for protection against an animal; and its certainly illegal to use it against a person no matter if its for self defense or not.

Oh, didn't know that. Not sure if that's the case here or not. That's a good reason though! Seems odd if they allow some people to carry a gun. You can shoot them, but not mace them? Interesting.

[Elyse]

Oh, didn't know that. Not sure if that's the case here or not. That's a good reason though! Seems odd if they allow some people to carry a gun. You can shoot them, but not mace them? Interesting.

Nope. Can't shoot them, unless if they themselves have a gun and they're going to kill you with it.

Basically, if you defend yourself with anything that is considered 'excessive' (you use a gun when a guy approaches you with a knife) you'll be charged with assault and then, if the judge is an ass, the criminal will end up being the victim and you will end up going to jail. I know, its stupid.

[Storm Angel n Auroras Mum]

Nope. Can't shoot them, unless if they themselves have a gun and they're going to kill you with it.

Basically, if you defend yourself with anything that is considered 'excessive' (you use a gun when a guy approaches you with a knife) you'll be charged with assault and then, if the judge is an ass, the criminal will end up being the victim and you will end up going to jail. I know, its stupid.

thats ridiculous