How To Give Pills To Your Pet

[valkyries]

How to Give Pills to Your Pet

It's different for dogs and cats.

]DOGS:

1. Wrap pill in bacon.

 

CATS:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if

holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's

mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As

cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left

arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy

pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm

holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back

of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner from

garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold

front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head

firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler

and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get

another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.

Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side

for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on

cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,

force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check

label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste

away. Apply band-aid to partner's forearm and immediately remove blood from

carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.

Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto

neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down

throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put

cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot and

drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus

shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.

Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire

department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to

neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from

foil wrap.

13. Tie front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind

tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy-duty pruning loves from shed.

Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it.

Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to emergency

room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill

remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture shop on way home to pick out new

table.

15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat. Call local

pet shop to see if they have hamsters. 

[Stephmartin71]

L M A O.............. ! 

[Sarah]

Lmao!!!!

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk 2

[goingsolo]

Brings back memories lol

[Mazz]

I am so glad I have no cats.

[Mobezilla]

Lmao! I'm never getting a cat xD

[winterchillz]

Sad thing is it's actually true  :wacko:

[Andy]

[BlueWolf]

Oooh, this describes my cat! Though he is very smart about it. He act like he swallowed it, but 5 minutes later I will randomly find a pill lying on the carpet. Sneaky cat!