CARRINGTON Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 So I have a friend that may be coming to move in with me and my OH because she is in a dangerous situation (abusive relationship) and she has a son. Her son is only 1 year old and Balto has never been around a child that is that young, to be honest we are not sure what to do about that. She is going to come by to talk to us, but we are still in the process of training Balto. Balto still nips (especially when excited) and we are working on that and he is SO much better. He has a terrible time jumping up on people again we are working on that and although a leash would be a good thing to have him on we don't want him on the leash all the time and to be honest that is not exactly realistic since we would have to hold on to him because we don't have anything to put his leash on that he can't move or destroy. He also has a routine already worked out and if someone else moves in that could really disrupt it. He goes in his cage at night without a problem and sleeps, but with a new person he knows they are going to be out there and if they move around he is going to whine the whole night. Plus if her kid cries that is going to wake him up and get him going. We need our sleep because my fiance has to wake up at 445 in the morning for work where he works a very labor intensive job at a factory and if he is too tired a finger could be cut off or worse. I also go to college and take a ton of tests so once again I need to have plenty of sleep. She will also be home most of the day and we put Balto in his cage while we are gone for 6 hours and if he hears her out there he is going to whine and cry and make it sound like we are trying to kill him. We have neighbors right next to us; separated by a wall and she is pretty understanding especially since he doesn't whine that often, but I am sure days of him doing this is going to drive him nuts. I know our dog is annoying but we do not want her to use physical punishment on him. We are just worried that things we are working on Balto with to improve could end up getting him PTS. If he jumps up on the kid and knocks him over or nips my friends could call animal control and he would be PTS. Any advice or are should we just say that we cannot really help her out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CARRINGTON Posted February 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 hmm tough one - it might be ok - you could be worrying over nothing I would suggest setting ground rules and boundaries though - make sure your friend knows about Balto and your routine etc and your concerns x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleLuka Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 ehhh i don't know. call me selfish, but it have to be a pretty severe situation and a very good friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cas Posted February 28, 2013 Report Share Posted February 28, 2013 (edited) That is a difficult one but I agree with Sarah. Just let your friend know all of your concerns, what stage Balto is at i.e the nipping and jumping and how you want her to deal with it (e.g. the same way you do so as not to confused him). Maybe set a trial period to see if things work out with a view to her having a back up plan if things don't work out how you or her would like. Edited February 28, 2013 by cas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simhauu Posted March 1, 2013 Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 Why would you think your friend would use physical punishments and who could get your dog pts? I'm sorry but this makes little sense to me, when you are giving them great hospitality. <- would treasure own dog's life more Do tell your friend your worries and concerns. If possible get one of those enclosures and that can be his play space. You could ask your friend to play music, so that Balto hears music rather than your friend and her son. You could invest in the DAP/Adaptil diffuser anything from their stuff that is supposed to calm them down. (Helped mine with howling and barking when alone.) More people in your house means every one should follow your rules when it comes to training but keep in mind that there comes a stage in a dog's life when some forget nothing from their earlier training, some for some commands, and some, like my dog - that you do not pee in the house. So her and her son may later not be the cause of Balto's worsened training, you may well have to redo it from that life stage. He's around the time his teeth will slowly start to fall out so he may actually want to nip more to ease the pain (use dog toys, carrots or ice cubes for it) but then it should be fine. One way, tho unhappy for dog, to make sure kid doesn't get nipped is to muzzle him but he can hardly do much if he is muzzled, right? Good luck seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Removed #5 Posted March 1, 2013 Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 This, to me is a no brainer - and it's going to sound like I'm the mean Mr Grump but here's the way I see things. First, (and foremost) she's in an abusive relationship with a very young child - get out!!! There's very little reason to put up with an abusive spouse ( "love" being among the "very little reason" ) If he's being abusive then it's time to take the kid and run to somewhere safe - without potentially involving friends in the abuse! Take a look at this page and see if there's anything close to you that can provide food and shelter for them. Whether she's a good friend or a work acquaintance you do not want to get this involved - if he's abusive towards her, do you really think he'll be Mr Nice Guy when he finds out that she's with you? Think of your own safety first! Now, with that out of the way ... as others have said, you need to set some ground rules This is temporary and define what the limits to temporary are. She must work with you and Balto to keep both Balto and her son safe. If the oh shows up, you're going to call the police - no warning, no question, no waiting - he has no business there and you don't need the grief - just do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CARRINGTON Posted March 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 Why would you think your friend would use physical punishments and who could get your dog pts? I'm sorry but this makes little sense to me, when you are giving them great hospitality. <- would treasure own dog's life more Do tell your friend your worries and concerns. If possible get one of those enclosures and that can be his play space. You could ask your friend to play music, so that Balto hears music rather than your friend and her son. You could invest in the DAP/Adaptil diffuser anything from their stuff that is supposed to calm them down. (Helped mine with howling and barking when alone.) More people in your house means every one should follow your rules when it comes to training but keep in mind that there comes a stage in a dog's life when some forget nothing from their earlier training, some for some commands, and some, like my dog - that you do not pee in the house. So her and her son may later not be the cause of Balto's worsened training, you may well have to redo it from that life stage. He's around the time his teeth will slowly start to fall out so he may actually want to nip more to ease the pain (use dog toys, carrots or ice cubes for it) but then it should be fine. One way, tho unhappy for dog, to make sure kid doesn't get nipped is to muzzle him but he can hardly do much if he is muzzled, right? Good luck seriously. I have no idea how she is around animals because I have never seen her with any, and I know many people who when their dogs bite or aren't behaving are smacked rather hard. In our state or at least county if an animal bites and someone reports it the dog is taken and put to sleep, doesn't matter why or anything else they are just put to sleep. I have no idea if she would do this to us, but I do not want to chance this!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CARRINGTON Posted March 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 This, to me is a no brainer - and it's going to sound like I'm the mean Mr Grump but here's the way I see things. First, (and foremost) she's in an abusive relationship with a very young child - get out!!! There's very little reason to put up with an abusive spouse ( "love" being among the "very little reason" ) If he's being abusive then it's time to take the kid and run to somewhere safe - without potentially involving friends in the abuse! Take a look at this page and see if there's anything close to you that can provide food and shelter for them. Whether she's a good friend or a work acquaintance you do not want to get this involved - if he's abusive towards her, do you really think he'll be Mr Nice Guy when he finds out that she's with you? Think of your own safety first! Now, with that out of the way ... as others have said, you need to set some ground rules This is temporary and define what the limits to temporary are. She must work with you and Balto to keep both Balto and her son safe. If the oh shows up, you're going to call the police - no warning, no question, no waiting - he has no business there and you don't need the grief - just do it! I will check into that site and see what is around...... We are going to take those three things into consideration. We just don't want to have to muzzle him for however long she stays because we want to teach him not to bite by time outs and ignoring...... Thanks Al. By the way you did not seem grumpy I totally agree that she shouldn't be with him no matter what the reason and I for sure do not want to put myself in danger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blubel1 Posted March 1, 2013 Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 how old is your pup?? Iroh is about 10 months now, and he actually does amazingly with our 22 month old, we got him when my son was a year - so he has been around kids since he was a wee little one himself, but when they are this small they adjust more easy than when they are older. We set very firm rules for the adults in the house, baby and dog never get left alone, ever, and we have baby gates up pretty much everywhere. we did keep a leash on iroh so that we could tug on it if he was trying to get into things he's not supposed to. our little one takes him for walks through the house, if you guys are able to work with balto/mother/child it may actually be good for your pup - there are positives to this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elyse Posted March 1, 2013 Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 I totally agree with Al. I know she's a friend and you want to help her, but you have to think of YOUR safety first...you don't want to be involved with any situation involving an abusive person/spouse. He could very well find out where you live, and attack you (or Balto...!)...you don't know this guy's state of mind and/or how far he'll go. I would check out that site Al posted and have her call a domestic abuse center. Also have her call the police on him - assault and violence (atleast here) is against the law...she can have a restraining order put on him. And, personally, she doesn't sound like a very good friend if you're not even sure if she'd report YOUR PUPPY for nipping her kid therefore resulting in it being PTS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simhauu Posted March 1, 2013 Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 I have no idea how she is around animals because I have never seen her with any, and I know many people who when their dogs bite or aren't behaving are smacked rather hard. In our state or at least county if an animal bites and someone reports it the dog is taken and put to sleep, doesn't matter why or anything else they are just put to sleep. I have no idea if she would do this to us, but I do not want to chance this!!!! Clearly if she would, you would no longer provide her with shelter, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CARRINGTON Posted March 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 Clearly if she would, you would no longer provide her with shelter, right? If she did she would be out. how old is your pup?? Iroh is about 10 months now, and he actually does amazingly with our 22 month old, we got him when my son was a year - so he has been around kids since he was a wee little one himself, but when they are this small they adjust more easy than when they are older. We set very firm rules for the adults in the house, baby and dog never get left alone, ever, and we have baby gates up pretty much everywhere. we did keep a leash on iroh so that we could tug on it if he was trying to get into things he's not supposed to. our little one takes him for walks through the house, if you guys are able to work with balto/mother/child it may actually be good for your pup - there are positives to this situation. Balto is 4 and a half months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blubel1 Posted March 1, 2013 Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 Hey, just wanted to add I agree 100% with what the others said about safety. My post was more from the perspective that I am always wanting to help others, and this situation is close to my heart as my mom was in a situation like this, if a friend hadn't helped we would have never gotten away. Either way, support even when it seems useless (((hugs))) such a hard decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CARRINGTON Posted March 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 This is for sure a difficult decision, and I think my fiance and I may need to sit down and talk about this again. I don't want to be in danger or have Balto be in danger. I am also gone a lot and although I trust her if he comes around while I am gone it is possible that he would steal things or something else. I just feel a little stuck and I want Balto to feel ok about this. He did really well with my 3 year old cousin but he also wasn't loosing a tooth every other day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simhauu Posted March 1, 2013 Report Share Posted March 1, 2013 It's very probable that he would steal the kid's toys and even destroy them when he would be bored, that's why I suggested the enclosure, or get some baby gate so he can't get somewhere. As for what others said, you guys could really be in danger if her man decides to pay you a visit. :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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