I Need Advice...

[Candace]

Hello all,

It's been quite a while since I've posted here and I really could use some advice. I suppose I'll start with my back story, it's quite a long one, and I'm sorry for airing out my dirty laundry. I just don't know where else to turn at this time.

 About seven years ago, myself and my boyfriend at the time, Ryan, picked up the most amazing little Siberian Husky puppy. Ryan worked a lot, so baby Odin and I had a lot of time to bond. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, and at the time, was going through a lot of family problems. Odin was my savior and in a sense he made me a stronger person. Throughout the years, I grew to love Odin more than I've ever cared for anything - I can't begin to explain the feeling in my heart I feel for this dog. Any time I'd have a panic attack, I'd focus my energy into taking care of Odin and after a walk, or even just being with him, everything would be ok.  

  I never really felt the same for Ryan, and just didn't feel the "chemistry" between us. We were great friends, and had got along great, but I just wasn't happy. Unfortunately for him, I was his world. He felt for me as I did for Odin and I just didn't have the heart to tell him the feelings weren't reciprocated. I had hoped that if I forced the feelings long enough, it would come to me. After six years, I became very worn out and depressed. I felt stuck. I didn't want to hurt this person who had become my best friend, and I most certainly didn't want to break up our pack, Odin adored Ryan. It was as if I was living Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" I loved Odin, Ryan loved me, and Odin loved Ryan. 

  So here it was, six years later and the topic of proposal and marriage start coming up, and I'm cringing inside. So I confide in a friend about my fears, to which he says "If you know you don't want to marry him, and you say he's such a great guy, then why are you wasting his time?" And with that one question, it's as if my entire way of thinking instantly changed. Ryan had been great to me for six years and it was my guilt and compassion that had kept me there, and of course, my love for Odin. I had even thought at times "I'll wait until Odin passes away, then I'll leave." But like I had mentioned, I was completely unhappy on the inside and it was getting to the point where my time with Odin wasn't cutting it anymore. I needed a change. 

  At the end of the day, you are left with your own thoughts and feelings. So suddenly, in tears, I told Ryan I was unhappy and needed to break up. Even now, a year later, thinking of that night brings me to tears. The pain that we had both felt in our hearts that night, was unlike anything we've ever felt before. It was true heartbreak. He had done everything for me for all these years, and I completely and utterly broke his heart . I had felt so entirely guilty. I started thinking "Maybe I should hang on for him, to make him happy." But the damage was done, and we would both go on knowing that I was unhappy. With the loving heart that he had, he encouraged me to leave through sobs and tears, to find my own happiness. 

 But then the question came up "What do we do about Odin?" 

What do we do about Odin? I was already causing him a world of pain, and at the time, it had felt like the most heartless and selfish thing I could ever do. I felt like a monster. I couldn't possibly cause him any more pain. So I choked back every instinct inside of me and said "You keep him, he'll help you heal like he helped me throughout the years."

  Now, at the time, I was numb. I thought I would be able to move on and find my own happiness. In a sense, I was able to "get over" Ryan fairly quickly, but never the guilt. And as for Odin, a year later and I still can't think of him without breaking down. I've visited him throughout the last year, taken him for walks and brought him a ridiculous amount of toys and treats. Even had him for a sleepover. As silly as this might sound, it was as if Odin had a "defense wall" put up towards me, like he wasn't thrilled to see me. But when I would go to bring him back he would lean up against me and give me his "Husky hug" which would ultimately cause me to break down and sob into his fur.

 

I miss him so much and my heart is breaking without him. 

 

So now here we are, and Ryan has still yet begin to heal, he still has strong feelings for me. So he has decided that in order for him to heal, I need to stop contacting him, I need to be forgotten about. And in order for that to happen, I need to stop seeing Odin. I just don't know what to do. Of course, I can fight it, I can refuse and demand to see him. But what good would that be for Ryan? A year ago I made the selfish decision to leave and it left someone in shambles. Now I live in a small apartment, I can't necessarily take Odin, nor would I feel right doing so. I've caused enough pain on the guy. I'm sorry for rambling, but I figured of all people, you would understand the love and passion for this dog that stole my heart. 

I need to know. What would you do in my position  Would you fight to see your dog, or would you take a step back and let the healing process happen? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

 

[stormchaser09]

you certainly have had a tough time, I don't have any ideas but you are being very brave and definately doing the right thing for both of you. As for Odin, I don't have much help but wondered if maybe rescuing another might help you move forward too. If that isn't possible try to meet up with other huskies for that much needed cuddle from time to time.

[Sarah]

Oh Candace i'm so sorry, what you did was exceptionally brave, i'm not sure i could have done that.  

 

Personally if it was me i would start a new chapter in my life, look after yourself, Odin is happy and loved and taken care of so you don't need to worry there but i can imagine the heartbreak you're gong through

[Steve]

It's hard to say, but I think that you should step back and make a clean break. It's hard with Odin, but as he has been with Ryan for the past year, and if you know that he is in good hands, then you should accept this as part of the break up. I think one day you'll end up with another husky, maybe a rescue, maybe a pup. It won't be the same, as they are all different, but he/she will soon find a place in your heart in new ways that you never expected. Break ups are the hardest thing, but you have to look forward, not back.

That's just my thoughts, and take them with a pinch of salt, but I really do feel for you with your dilemma.

Good luck.

[BingBlaze n Skyla]

Oh hun I'm so sorry , I wish I had some advice but I don't

Maybe like mentioned tho you could rescue another husky that might help you n you'd help save him/her it won't ever replace Odin but it might help you by giving u a new bundle of fur to focus on and take care of?

[Applebear]

First of all, I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate to many of these things to some extent, and my current dog [Knarly-14 yr yorkie/pom] was a dog I had with my ex. In my case, he wanted the break and there was NO way in hell he was taking that dog from me. None. Zip. Zero. I didn't even ask, I just took him. I don't know if I would of even let him have him even if it was me who wanted the divorce...but in our case, I was the one more into animals than he was. He admitted he tried to think of ways to keep Knarly, but said in the end he knew it would of killed me [and it would have, if not for that little dog I couldn't even imagine how I made it through]. My ex and I kept in touch and saw eachother for 2 years after that...it wasn't until I completely ended it before I was able to TRULY move on. The pain starts to go away and you can start to see the road that lays ahead clearer. 

 

Now saying that, I think Ryan probably has some valid points...he isn't being allowed to get over you. For him it's like having a wound reopened every time you come by. I think you understand this and want to allow him what he needs. Where you are hurting is the dog, and in no way do I want to be insensitive to you as I too couldn't imagine life without mine. If I had to be honest though, and many may not agree with me, you were the one that wanted this and you told him to keep the dog...maybe that is the best thing to do for now. I personally don't feel you should fight and take the dog away from him, as hard as it is, it would be selfish and Odin needs the stability he has. Maybe with time, after Ryan moves on, this won't be a problem and you can re-enter his life...but for now, he needs to be allowed the same thing you needed and that is time to heal and be happy. 

 

I am not stating it is wrong to go the other way either. But you are asking for opinions and that would be mine. Doesn't make mine right or wrong. We all grow up with different viewpoints. I do hope you all work it out and some healing all around is achieved. Best wishes and take care.

[LittleLuka]

I couldn't imagine giving up my dog but I do understand why you have made the decision to let Ryan keep him. You truly do care about him even though you  may not be in love with him.

You know Odin is in good loving hands and as hard as it is i think you have made your choice and now you do have to stay away. Continuing to come around isn't going to let that break heal for Ryan or yourself really.

[simhauu]

I only knew someone who had the depression, so I apologise  beforehand, I meant no harm to you. I will just be honest because I do not think you deserve a lie from me. As much as I loved/liked the guy, I can say that no one has hurt or been so cruel to me as he was and now I am keeping my distance from my current one. I would do many things for him, I would miss many things preferring to be with him, being a joke to some of my friends that I have made up my "boyfriend" because they never met him and so on. My way out of the relationship, in the end, was moving to a different country to study. I would return every weekend, spending a lot of money on traveling, spending money on him etc. and for what? So that he would like me, so that he would be happy, so that... I don't know. For the time we were together and it has been nowhere near as long as you two, he said he was never happy. Yes, maybe he didn't mean it that way but it still hurt. So I can understand how Ryan feels. Dogs from what I noticed, tend to like more people who do not pay as much attention to them, it's somewhat similar with people too.

My advice will be to let them both go. In time Ryan may see that Odin misses you, and will contact you himself. You have kept Odin to yourself for the 6-7 years and he has helped you through your hard times, now there is someone who needs him more. Hard for you as it may be, I think you could become stronger and more independent with this, after all, what worse could happen? Also, there may be a husky or some other dog or animal who is waiting for you to save him.

Once again, sorry that you have to read what I wrote, I can't understand just how hard it is for you because I have been where Ryan is, and that he would let you pursue your happiness (though he kept your dog) deserves that you let him be for now. Nobody says that in months-years he won't be ok with you visiting Odin but for now it would only worsen his situation. I sincerely hope you can get over your heartbreak but I think, and you may well throw my opinion somewhere, that if Odin went with you you would never have opened to us people.

[Jay]

First of all, I am sorry you had to go through that, and it was incredibly brave what you did.  At least Odin is in a good home.  I don't know if I could do that if I were in your position.  I think to be fair to Ryan it might be best if you made a clean break.  It's got to be hard as hell to have to do, but maybe that it best.  I agree with what someone else said, maybe get another dog? It might be the time to start a new chapter so that might help with the healing process. 
 

[Candace]

Well first off, I really want to thank everyone for their insight and advice. It  really helped me get my head together and make my decision. Of course, it wasn't an easy decision to make, but I think I feel good about it and made the right choice. Odin will always hold a special place in my heart, and I'll always be grateful for the time we had together but I have to move on to a new chapter in my life. The same with Ryan, and even Odin. We all have healing to do, and none of us can do that when we keep revisiting the past. You can't finish the book if you keep rereading the same chapter, right? Anyway, a lot of you were right. I'll have another dog one day, it won't be Odin but he/she will be just as loved, cherished and perhaps a little more appreciated. 

 

Thanks so much for your time and compassion, it is very much appreciated!