For Those Who Are Married Or Live With Partner...

[Chula]

Do you argue over the dog? I'm starting to wonder if my OH and I are just not suited to raising anything together. We have such different manners of dealing with things. I am very "by the book" because I really want Chula to be well-trained and able to be out in public without jumping all over everyone. He is very...NOT by the book. Our styles of educating a dog could not be more different.

 

If you are/have been in that kind of situation, how did you make it work? I am obviously the "primary caregiver" because I am home more, so I feel like I should get more say in our training/discipline methods. I don't get mad every time he feeds her table scraps or doesn't follow NILIF, but I admit I do roll my eyes because I think that he's just undoing all the things I spent a lot of time and energy doing.

 

(I also admit that I get a sense of satisfaction and feel like gloating when she obeys me and not him because she knows I mean business!)

[Stormy]

I live with my partner and we have argued over the dogs sometimes but not to often. I am the "strict" one and he is the "fun" one lol. He moans about the fur sometimes and probably doesn't do everything as i would but i have relaxed alot as at the end of the day they are both well behaved dogs and there is no point arguing over stupid things. I used to get annoyed because i am the one who has to walk the dogs every day and he doesn't need to but i spoke to him about it and he helps me out alot now at weekends and we go for nice long walks together I still walk them in the week but at the end of the day he is at work alot of hours monday to friday and i am only at work for 4 - 5 yeah most of the week but i still have alot of hours in the day to walk them and i do enjoy it

 

Dont really know where i am going with this other than you will probably get arguments over it but try to talk about it rather than arguing and compromise as at the end of the day you both live in the same house and will have different views

[LittleLuka]

my boyfriend and myself are like that. he doesn't train the way i do and in consequence Luka doesn't listen to him at all. We decided to get Luka together but it had wound up where he has Knox and i have Luka.

 

Really, i've tried discussing it with him more than once with no change. I just don't bother anymore, Luka minds me and that's all that matters.

 

It does bother me sometimes that I'm the one who gets up in the mornings with them, i'm the one who walks them, the one who takes them places, etc. but what's the point in arguing? lol i think a lot of times people are in this position.

[CARRINGTON]

Yes my fiance and I argued over Balto all the time when we first got him because he was used to training dogs one way and I was doing research and came here. Well then we decided to try puppy school and now we are more on the same page and I had him read the NILIF stuff as well as some of the things that HO's has mentioned. I think puppy classes was the real turning point because we had really good trainers (especially our new ones) who works with us one on one when we need it and knows a lot about the breed. She has also mentioned the NILIF method and applies that to training. Zach is a hands on visual learner so him reading what to do isn't going to do him much good until he sees someone do it and he gets to help be apart of it while he gets to help train. We still fight about him on occasion, basically when Balto bites Zach in the face or tries to break something (he almost put a movie case through the window) then he cusses and will sometimes (not often) smack him. I yell at him and tell him we aren't teaching him anything except to be afraid of us or in turn become aggressive so he doesn't do it anymore and puppy classes has helped to show Zach how to deal with that even thought I told him the exact same thing but if you do not show him (and apparently you have to be skilled at what you do for him to believe you) then it just does not register for him. Now Balto never gets smacked but Zach still cusses which is improving

[Chula]

Yeah, that's the thing - he feeds her table scraps, or lets her drink a big bowl of water right before sleep - and if she ends up whimpering in the night because her tummy hurts or she needs to go pee, I have to get up and take her out because he sleeps right through it. Like last night, I had to wake up at 3 am and take her to pee because he gave her a huge bowl of water at 10 pm. If he dealt with the natural consequences of the things he does, I would be less annoyed. 

 

I admit I am probably trying to control this too much, but he seems to think she will just learn commands if he says them often and loud enough without showing her what they are.  The commands she knows, she knows because I taught them to her with treats, on my knees, with numerous repetitions.

 

We didn't used to argue so much, but ever since getting Chula, we have pretty big arguments 1-2 times a week, always about her. I'm hoping it gets better because the way things are right now, I just don't even want him around because he gets her so riled up, manic barking, begging and jumping up. Sounds terrible, but it's true.

[LittleLuka]

Yeah, that's the thing - he feeds her table scraps, or lets her drink a big bowl of water right before sleep - and if she ends up whimpering in the night because her tummy hurts or she needs to go pee, I have to get up and take her out because he sleeps right through it. Like last night, I had to wake up at 3 am and take her to pee because he gave her a huge bowl of water at 10 pm. If he dealt with the natural consequences of the things he does, I would be less annoyed. 

 

I admit I am probably trying to control this too much, but he seems to think she will just learn commands if he says them often and loud enough without showing her what they are.  The commands she knows, she knows because I taught them to her with treats, on my knees, with numerous repetitions.

 

We didn't used to argue so much, but ever since getting Chula, we have pretty big arguments 1-2 times a week, always about her. I'm hoping it gets better because the way things are right now, I just don't even want him around because he gets her so riled up, manic barking, begging and jumping up. Sounds terrible, but it's true.

 

it does get better. Josh and I used to argue over Luka multiple times a week. Now, we rarely do. lol The puppy stage takes a lot out of people.

[Sid_Wolf]

me and the OH have different ways of dealing with the dogs, he lets them pull on the lead whereas I dont, gives them treats without asking for anything etc

 

TBH it doesnt bother me, the dogs know the difference between us and act accordingly, if he is walking them they play up, if Im walking them they walk nicely. 

[LittleLuka]

me and the OH have different ways of dealing with the dogs, he lets them pull on the lead whereas I dont, gives them treats without asking for anything etc

 

TBH it doesnt bother me, the dogs know the difference between us and act accordingly, if he is walking them they play up, if Im walking them they walk nicely. 

 

agreed... i'd LOVE to see Josh walk Luka... hahahha

[Elyse]

Oddly, my parents and I have that relationship with Suka. I'm known as the strict one or the 'taskmaster' as my Dad calls it, and my parents are the ones that are the suckers that give Suka whatever he wants when he wants! I'm lucky they sometimes do NILF with him!

 

So, when I visit him 1-2 months later (my usual schedule), he's naughty and doesn't really listen. When I leave after that week, he's as good as gold until he realizes I'm not coming back for awhile! lol!

[CARRINGTON]

agreed... i'd LOVE to see Josh walk Luka... hahahha

Bahaha Zach says that when Balto is full sized that is what I am going to look like walking Balto. Sadly that may be true

[Chula]

One of the things that most bothers me is that he gets her riled up on purpose, then restrains her to calm her down. I think he thinks he's being "alpha", but I don't want her to become afraid and fear bite. That is my number one concern because that will get her put down. If he gives her a taste of beer or a bite of a taco, whatever, I'm not pleased about it - but...he wants to put a muzzle on her to teach her to stop nipping because he's too lazy to get up and walk away if she starts playing too rough.  :wacko:    

[Stormy]

Like i said you need to have a talk and hear what he thinks and say what you think and compromise Rob sometimes puts Skye to the floor as thinks it will work he doesn't do it as often  now because Skye just thinks he is playing anyway! lol

[Mobezilla]

And here I shall be thankful I don't have a boyfriend lol. Honestly one of the main reasons I wanted to get my dogs before dating was because first, I wanted to get the dogs I wanted , and second, I wanted to train them how I wanted. I personally don't like the idea of two people 'co owning' a dog because I feel like their views may differ too much and the dog would just end up getting confused. I know it can work for some people, but I know it wouldn't work with me. At the end of the day, I just want my dogs to behave properly, while still being able to have a good time and enjoy themselves.

[Chula]

But should I be compromising about core issues if I am the one solely responsible for her 80 percent of the time? I'm most certainly not going to muzzle her for normal puppy behavior just because he's lazy. I guess we'll have to try to talk about it some more, but I have to admit I'm a little tired of talking about it with him.

 

Last night she was so cute. I was upset because we had some stupid argument and he went to bed without eating (after I spent 45 minutes cooking for him, mind you) so Chula and I laid on the sectional couch. She was on one side and I was on the other and we shared a pillow. Every time I opened my eyes her little puppy snout was right up to my face and she was staring at me and would give a little squeak and a lick. I wanted to squish her she was so cute.

[CARRINGTON]

His way doesn't seem to be working and it is just confusing her. He gets her riled up so I am guessing she assumes he is playing with her or she can get away with whatever but then yells at her and restrains her which would confuse me so it must be confusing her. He is going to have to meet you somewhere in the middle or try his best to see it your way as that is what is best for Chula or Chula is going to be confused and teenage years are going to be terrible. I personally don't think muzzling teaches anything, granted we have not used one and the only time we would is if we needed to because he was aggressive towards people or we were on a walk and he tried to attack other dogs. Could he also try putting her on a leash? In our puppy class there are many dogs who jump up so she has us put them on a leash and step on it so it is short but they can still stand up and sit but as soon as they try to jump they get pulled back down because it is so short and as they stop jumping or trying to jump they get praised and if they have calmed down and behaved well enough they are taken off the leash but as soon as it happens again back on they go. That could also help with nipping if she is unable to jump she is unable to nip. She can still go for the feet but leave shoes on or something and when she goes to bite that so no bite and time out, or yell and ignore her. That is about all I have from what we have learned in puppy class. However, they also strongly encourage there that all family members participate in the class because the dog is going to interact with all family members and then they know they have to obey all members so maybe get him to participate in training. I know he works a hard long labor job as so does my fiance in a overly hot factory (now he may have to have hip surgery and he may be getting tendinitis from years of working there and he is only 26!!!!) however we still find time for both of us to work with him and if I have to work late as I did last night then he does commands with him. Although these cause arguments he has to meet you somewhere as that is not fair to you or to Chula. Ask him what he expects you to do and if he suggests something ludacris try to explain why that is not possible.

[LittleLuka]

Like i said you need to have a talk and hear what he thinks and say what you think and compromise Rob sometimes puts Skye to the floor as thinks it will work he doesn't do it as often  now because Skye just thinks he is playing anyway! lol

 

so does Luka! LOL josh used to do this all the time when Luka would bark in his face.... hehe

[Stormy]

so does Luka! LOL josh used to do this all the time when Luka would bark in his face.... hehe

haha its funny i think Rob has just accepted now that he is not the big boss man lol he wouldn't dare do it to shadow though!

[LittleLuka]

But should I be compromising about core issues if I am the one solely responsible for her 80 percent of the time? I'm most certainly not going to muzzle her for normal puppy behavior just because he's lazy. I guess we'll have to try to talk about it some more, but I have to admit I'm a little tired of talking about it with him.

 

Last night she was so cute. I was upset because we had some stupid argument and he went to bed without eating (after I spent 45 minutes cooking for him, mind you) so Chula and I laid on the sectional couch. She was on one side and I was on the other and we shared a pillow. Every time I opened my eyes her little puppy snout was right up to my face and she was staring at me and would give a little squeak and a lick. I wanted to squish her she was so cute.

 

i don't compromise on anything when it comes to Luka tbh. He's my dog and with or without Josh he will still be MY dog. That may sound selfish but i feel like i deserve to be selfish when i'm the one who has put all the work in.

 

Don't get me wrong, Josh loves Luka but he's just different with him than I am. Our major disagreement is how to discipline Luka. I won't lie i'm pretty laid back but then again Luka doesn't really misbehave for me.

[MidnightPaws]

I live with my parents and they know like nothing about dogs and training. When we first got Maya she was like everyone's dog and no one really liked her, she spent most of her time in the crate. I was a lazy a$$ so i didn't really care or think about it much. Then i got fed up and through her crate in the garage and expanded her roaming area to the kitchen, family room, living room, and dining room. My parents got so angry with me and i didn't care, they thought she would eat the house and she didn't. Then with more training from me and getting to be a dog she was one of the best dogs we had. She became my dog because i took care of her and did everything for her, then we ended up getting two more though Kay is technically my mom and sisters but i'm the primary care giver.

 

Now when it comes to training they let me handle it and i tell them what they can and can't do. They never feed table scrapes thank god! And i make them ignore the dogs at the table so they don't beg. Now anything else i get so frustrated over. My brother would chase Kay around and now she hides from him under the table. Kay will come up to my dad and bark at him, she does this any time he talks. She does that because he gives in and plays with her (Barking and jumping around with her). I'm always the one to put them outside, if i'm upstairs and someone is downstairs with the dog they'll call me and tell me "your dog needs out." It annoys me because they're downstairs with them and could have easily put them out quicker then i could walk downstairs. If i leave and my sister "watches" the dogs i have pee messes to clean up because she doesn't really put them out much and they know they can get away with it.

[RedJasper]

My boyfriend and I also have different views on our dogs.  I am the one who is never home and always at work.  He is at home all day and night.  Therefor he takes them out to potty, walks, plays and soforth with them.  I have trained my reds to walk properly on a leash.  However when I do take them out they after need a reminder as to who I am and what I expect from them.  Leading me to believe that he allows them to run all over the place.  Plus I have seen it. I have tried to get a feeding schedule in place several times in the past.  Since he is the one home all the time he has a difficult time sticking to it and just forgets to pick up the uneaten food.  They are freefed.  We don't argue because he won't and I realize that they are healthy and happy.  They are not mistreated.  We both love our furkids as if we were their biological parents.  We may not see eye to eye and things but at the end of the day he is the one caring for them most of the time and they are all loved.

 

The one thing that I can not compromise on is abuse.  I deal in possitive reward only!  I will not tollerate my dogs being abused in anyway, shape, or form.

 

So it does take teamwork and compromise.  I have found in my situation that consistency from all parties is not easy

[HuskyGuerl]

My hubby and I have very different training methods...I go by the book he does not. But they listen to him better because he is more controlling and strict..I am very strict but I guess since I am a women then they want to abide by the males authority more...Cherokee does listen to me more and better than she does justin though...Echo and Meeka listen to justin better one because Echo has lived with Justin more than me and Meeka is just more of a mans dog..Larka has a temperment she listens to me really well but if i get on to her she takes up to justin like a big baby...i try to love on the dogs and justin will holler at one of them and they run to him and jump in his lap and he just smirks because he has more control...but as taking care of them goes...i feed and water them..i bathe them...i take them out...we both walk them but i do the majority of the walking..he is home way more than i am though because i have school and a job...he dont understand the importance of their food and stuff...so i handle the type of food they eat and how much they get and the treats they get and how many treats.

[Dannii]

My hubby does nothing really, he ll walk bex if we go anywhere but that's about it, oh and he ll shout at the dogs if they've done anything wrong.. So I do everything it really annoys me sometimes but others not so much coz they re my dogs now!

[Dave]

Me & (the now) Wife argued over Kodi in the early days but we don't anymore, we don't really argue about anything though to be honest

[Chula]

Thanks for all the input - at least I don't feel as bad as I did earlier, now knowing that others have the same issues. I know that Chula can feel the tension when we are arguing so I hope we can get past it soon. It's pretty juvenile. 

 

(And by "get past it", I mean I hope he soon sees the light, because I still feel my way is right.    )

[Keanu]

Yeah, that's the thing - he feeds her table scraps, or lets her drink a big bowl of water right before sleep - and if she ends up whimpering in the night because her tummy hurts or she needs to go pee, I have to get up and take her out because he sleeps right through it. Like last night, I had to wake up at 3 am and take her to pee because he gave her a huge bowl of water at 10 pm. If he dealt with the natural consequences of the things he does, I would be less annoyed. 

 

I admit I am probably trying to control this too much, but he seems to think she will just learn commands if he says them often and loud enough without showing her what they are.  The commands she knows, she knows because I taught them to her with treats, on my knees, with numerous repetitions.

 

We didn't used to argue so much, but ever since getting Chula, we have pretty big arguments 1-2 times a week, always about her. I'm hoping it gets better because the way things are right now, I just don't even want him around because he gets her so riled up, manic barking, begging and jumping up. Sounds terrible, but it's true.

 

Well from what you have written here, it does not seem to me, that you have DIFFERENT styles of training. It sounds like you WANT to train and he DOESN"T. This is simply not fair, that he lets her drink and you are the one who gets up to take her out and I do not blame you for getting angry.

 

However I don't think arguing will change anything. I think I would try to describe him (maybe even with pen and paper) how will things that he does end in a long term. He may not realise how serious this is? For example, if our dog gets food from our table-how will it end if we have a very official Christmas dinner and his parents come over and a dog (who has been taught that it is ok) jumps (as she grows up) and gets this juicy piece of turkey straight from your OH's mother plate???

This may sounds funny but I know it isn't. Once my mum visited us and she offered to help me to take my dogs for a walk. One of them found a carrot on the street and pulled towards it. I pulled her back, as she is not allowed to eat things found on the street. My mum could not understand: "But this is just a carrot! Carrot is good for a dog!"--Oh, good heavens, once you let your dog eat something on the street, she/he gets a message that it is ok, and-next time-it may end fatal is she swallows a rat poison or anything else! Dogs do not "think" like people, they are mostly run by instinct and learn "messages" from us!