Midlife Crisis Rant

[Smokey]

I've about 10 15 more days until we move. I don't do much here other than think so I've been miserable, worried and anxious for my entire stay with my parents.

I'm 28 years old; have had some decent jobs and an ok education but can't seem to start a career. Even after I move I'll be going back to school which in my eyes seems like I'm treading stagnantly and will be accruing debt again. My social life is non existent. I've friends here in Vegas but haven't made an effort to meet them: why, I don't know. I worry about the heat and would rather sit by my dogs to make sure they're comfortable.

My mother and father constantly quibble in front of me and I try to stay neutral but my dad is usually right in my eyes. I don't know when I should intervene and when I should stay out. I'm forgiving toward my mom because she is so sick but I wonder if the sickness makes her the way she is or if it's her inner evil personality and that if she's just a bad person. It's hard to think that your mom is a bad person no matter how clear the signs are especially to others. A lot of her own family (brother and sisters and parents) don't really give her support but I don't think she understands how busy they are. The hardest part of this is that my dad takes the burden of her sickness upon himself; every family has their own inner turmoils and no one wants to take on another family members burden; only to selfishly distribute their own personal problems on the rest of the family which is fine i guess since we're family but no support for my father? She herself refuses to volunteer or be productive. I fear that I'm ending up like her most.

I don't like talking about my husband much; it's usually to personal. But I'll leave it at the fact that he's just too busy...

I've been through a couple of councilors, psychiatrists, psychologists, am on a slew of medications but never seem to find relief anywhere. The hardest part is knowing that everything is pretty darn good for me but that am I unappreciative of it?

Every move I've made I've promised myself change: socially, pets wise, career wise, laziness wise on and on. Something as simple and necessary as putting my two pups in OB classes. But nothing changes. I realize that change comes from within and not necessarily by changing your surroundings. So am I just lazy? Why can't I change? I've given up hope that even with this next move I'll change...it's sad to accept it and I don't look forward to the future; only to the fact that I can get my pups out of this heat...

I apologize for ranting here...I just need a place to share.

[Stormy]

Rant away not a problem

 

You need to think about why you aren't changing, what i blocking you from pushing yourself to make those changes?

[Mia-Blue]

Aww hun you do seem to have a lot going on at the moment and I cannot imagine how difficult that must be for you.

As you have said moving is a good thing for your pups so keep that positive in mind whenever the thought of moving soon makes you feel apprehensive. And you're returning to education that's a massive step and will hopefully give you a focus away from the family home and will help you meet new people, so well done you

You list lots of things that you think you should be doing when already you are taking so many new steps, remember its not a race you will exhaust yourself if you think you have to do everything all at once. Make yourself a list and work through it at a pace that suits you, and then reward yourself for each step that you make rather than focus on what you haven't yet done.

I wish you all the luck in the world xx

[goingsolo]

My career didn't start til, iwas 28, (had my kids young got them to school first) so you not behind and going back to education is a huge positive. Mother issues, I could write a book though my sisters' would bd better lol, we love em. But like us are human and hsve problems. Why do you want yo change? Learn to love and like yourself. I know that can be hard but my life do much better when I decided to stop trying to please everybody else. A big hug x

[Keeonah]

You have some good advice already but, looking back on my life, I would say think long and hard about everything in your life, sort out the positives and the negatives, what you really want to do and what you would like to do. Don't think only about the things that seem obvious, broaden the picture. If you do this right it will hopefully give you a better picture of what your life could be like. I have done this over the last year or so and am now thinking about what could have been. You are still at an age where it can still can be. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Gary.

[sarahjng]

You re being scarily hard on yourself,  read back your post and register all the negative things,  the destructive things you seem to think about yourself,  see them ?,  hmm,  who are you ?  Charles Mansons evil sister ?  Didn't think so,  so take a breath and think,  okay,  

Your going back to school,  they didnt have to let you in did they ?  No,  so obviously not an evil/useless/waste of space there !

Your family, you moved back in, they didn't have to let you, they could have run screaming for the door locks and changed the phone number,  they didn't so obviously not an evil/useless/waste of space daughter.

Your dogs,  you love them,  if you were as bad as you think you are, you wouldn't really give a Damm, but you do,  and they love you too !

You are depressed, even to a doughnut like me that's obvious, and I'm not going to say stop taking the pills or start taking different ones, because I'm not qualified to give you that sort of advice,  what I can say is that eventually you will climb out of that hole and realise what everyone else has known all along (even your dog's !)  

 

You are loved and appreciated, and you DESERVE that love and appreciation simply because you are you.

[mydiamond]

Aww Amina I think you're being a bit too harsh on yourself I'm bad at making beautiful supportive words, and I know you've probably had heard this a thousand times, but... Hang in there! I'm sure everything would turn up for the better soon sorry I can't say anything else, but you know what if you need to empty your head and rant, rant away we'll always be here for you.