Parenting Advice-- Are We In The Wrong

[CARRINGTON]

I am going to be first time mom in December and as I am sure many of you know December is Christmas. My little girl is due December 22 but since I am a type 1 diabetic my doctor will not let me go past 39 weeks but we made a deal if everything continued to go well I could be induced after finals are over for me which would be 4 days before I turn 39 weeks. Well my husband's side of the family is wanting to have Christmas at their house for the whole family on December 22 since that is when my husbands uncle is off work. That is fine and great but Charlene will only be a little over a week old and it is flu season. There will be about 20-25 people there and someone is always sick first year it was my husband, second it was his brother, third it was his cousin, so I am not sure who it is going to be this year. We have even picked out who we wanted to have as Charlene's pediatrician and met with her face to face and asked when she thought it would be best to have Charlene around that many people in flu season my pediatrician recommended waiting until she was able to have her first shots between 6-8 weeks old as she has had many babies come in at that time of the year to the hospital with pneumonia, bronchitis, and other things because they were taken out before their shots and a baby doesn't have much of an immune system when born. She said there are plenty of cases where the baby is fine but just in her opinion it would be best to wait or to have people wear a mask, sanitize their hands before touching her or any of her stuff, if they are sick or show signs of sickness do not let them around her, and do not smoke near her. However, there are probably at least 5-8 people who won't follow that at all and we knew that so we broke it to his family that we would not be there Christmas to celebrate it with them because there would be too many people and both of us along with our doctor agreed it would be best if we waited to bring Charlene around that many people. We received a lot of backlash from things such as our doctor is an idiot, that is BS, we are just trying to keep her from certain people seeing her because they assume we don't like them, this is our first child so we have no idea what we are talking about, etc. Are we in the wrong? Should she be taken out in front of that many people that young?

[Mazz]

You are not in the wrong. Stick to the doctor' recommendation. My gosh, are those people so self centered they put their personal gratification over the health of a newborn? If I were in your shoes, I would tell them you are sorry they feel that way, but you will not risk the health and welfare of your baby.

[Removed #5]

Mazz, you took the words right out of my mouth!  Carrington, the health and safety of your newborn comes first in a situation like that.  Take the year off and enjoy Christmas with your new (early) Christmas gift (( she'll cuss you enough as she grows older for having a birthday so close to Christmas! ))

 

I understand that everyone wants to see the new baby, but with that many people in one place you're taking too big a risk that someone will be contagious ... don't do it!

 

and to respond to your question, absolutely not!  You're doing what you (and I and Mazz, at least) think is right so ... it's their problem, don't make it yours.

[CARRINGTON]

Mazz, you took the words right out of my mouth!  Carrington, the health and safety of your newborn comes first in a situation like that.  Take the year off and enjoy Christmas with your new (early) Christmas gift (( she'll cuss you enough as she grows older for having a birthday so close to Christmas! ))

 

I understand that everyone wants to see the new baby, but with that many people in one place you're taking too big a risk that someone will be contagious ... don't do it!

 

and to respond to your question, absolutely not!  You're doing what you (and I and Mazz, at least) think is right so ... it's their problem, don't make it yours.

 

You are not in the wrong. Stick to the doctor' recommendation. My gosh, are those people so self centered they put their personal gratification over the health of a newborn? If I were in your shoes, I would tell them you are sorry they feel that way, but you will not risk the health and welfare of your baby.

Thanks, I just wasn't sure since I am going to be a new mom and most of them already have kids so I thought maybe I had no idea what I was talking about especially since two of them said I took my kids out around people a week after they were born and look how healthy they are (then again they were also born in the summer)

[^Aurora^]

No you are not in the wrong! You should do what's best for your little one and take your doctors advice!

X

[stormchaser09]

sometimes you just have to listen to the doctors and do the best for your baby. My youngest was born 3 days after Christmas and at the same time my best friend ended up in hospital with pneumonia and I really wanted to go and see her but my midwife advised against it cos although I wasn't going to take the baby with me I could still pick things up and bring them back.

 

Secondly as you will have just given birth you will be needing time to adjust to your new baby and need to take things easy - especially as you have a medical condition. It is very tiring for the first little while.

[CARRINGTON]

sometimes you just have to listen to the doctors and do the best for your baby. My youngest was born 3 days after Christmas and at the same time my best friend ended up in hospital with pneumonia and I really wanted to go and see her but my midwife advised against it cos although I wasn't going to take the baby with me I could still pick things up and bring them back.

 

Secondly as you will have just given birth you will be needing time to adjust to your new baby and need to take things easy - especially as you have a medical condition. It is very tiring for the first little while.

I wondered about that as well, how long I would need to adjust before I was ready to be out with a ton of other people after giving birth and everyone I have asked gives me different answers (I guess different for everyone) but no one has said under 2-3 weeks.

[stormchaser09]

I am still adjusting and he is nearly 14 !!!

[BingBlaze n Skyla]

Your her parents do what u think is best n listen to your doctor , they aren't always right but it's not worth the risk imo n tbh by the sounds ov it , if she did get sick you'd get backlash 'for taking her out too young' so you probably wouldn't win either way so do what you think is best for u and your baby

[sarahjng]

If they have kids they should be a little more understanding ! 

 

If I may be blunt, and direct,  childbirth can be a sprint or an endurance event, either way your body will be bent like a pretzel, I'm not saying this to freak you out, just to say that unless you are blessed by the godess, less than two weeks later you will still be feeling the effects.  It's not a time to spend all day in someone else's house, trying to smile wearing a nice dress and heels (because it's expected!)  worrying about the baby, whether the baby's going to throw up on great aunt Gertrude, or catch a bug or whether your boobs are going to leak through the super thick breast pads that make you feel like dolly parton.

This is the time you want to wear comfys, and eat junk food just because you want to, you made a whole other person, you DESERVE pizza and ice cream !

 

Seriously though, is there anyway to work out a compromise ?  This will sound a little bad, but what about saying to his parents that for baby's first Christmas, you would like it to be special, just you and your hubby, and the grandparents,  lay it on thick, how much it would mean to you both to share the special moments just you guys. The memories that don't have to be shared with everyone. 

Good luck with everything, finals, baby and in-laws.

[Elyse]

I was born on Christmas, and as far as I know, all Christmas and New Year's family gatherings were cancelled for the year. There were no hard feelings, everyone understood. Although, I was born at 23 weeks, so perhaps nobody wanted to bother Mom & Dad...

I would follow your doctor's advice. If people are too self-centred to think about themselves instead of you and your baby, they don't even deserve to be around you anyways. 
 

[CARRINGTON]

If they have kids they should be a little more understanding ! 

 

If I may be blunt, and direct,  childbirth can be a sprint or an endurance event, either way your body will be bent like a pretzel, I'm not saying this to freak you out, just to say that unless you are blessed by the godess, less than two weeks later you will still be feeling the effects.  It's not a time to spend all day in someone else's house, trying to smile wearing a nice dress and heels (because it's expected!)  worrying about the baby, whether the baby's going to throw up on great aunt Gertrude, or catch a bug or whether your boobs are going to leak through the super thick breast pads that make you feel like dolly parton.

This is the time you want to wear comfys, and eat junk food just because you want to, you made a whole other person, you DESERVE pizza and ice cream !

 

Seriously though, is there anyway to work out a compromise ?  This will sound a little bad, but what about saying to his parents that for baby's first Christmas, you would like it to be special, just you and your hubby, and the grandparents,  lay it on thick, how much it would mean to you both to share the special moments just you guys. The memories that don't have to be shared with everyone. 

Good luck with everything, finals, baby and in-laws.

I wish but with them, there is no such thing as a compromise. We have said that my husband and I will come day on a completely different day when I feel more up to it, probably closer to New Years so we can spend part of the day with my mother in law and her husband as then go to my father in law and his wifes house. His dad and step mom are completely ok with that and have no problem with it at all. On his mom's side is completely different, she said we could come up to their house any old day and a lot of the family members drive in and we wouldn't be able to see them and then she played the guilt card about his grandma being sick and that this is the last Christmas she may have to spend with us (totally uncool, but my grandparents are going down the drain as well but they are understanding), which makes my husband feel bad because he would do anything for his grandma. His mom's side is all about playing guilt cards to get you to come to things you do not want to come to I am really good at telling people no and setting boundaries it is my husband is very family oriented. I guess he can go and I can stay home with the baby which I would be fine with.

[Jay]

December 22nd is my birthday

Anyway my friends that have had babies had first taken the baby's health into account. I wouldn't worry about insulting them, if they'd have kids they should know!

[mydiamond]

I hate it when people use "guilt cards" to make others do what they want. It's not like your husband doesn't want to see his grandma is it? =\ gosh so many selfish people these days what happened to the good old world? You're not in the wrong. Your baby's health must be top priority. 

[Storm Angel n Auroras Mum]

Mine was born a month before xmas so we were ok.

Your baby your choice. X

[Dunc]

Stick to your guns are they a little mad ( you family that is ) ?

My granddaughter is 4 months old and I would not expect her to have to go though they are asking you to do and as for smoking I do-not in there house or in fact in mine when they are here  

[CARRINGTON]

Stick to your guns are they a little mad ( you family that is ) ?

My granddaughter is 4 months old and I would not expect her to have to go though they are asking you to do and as for smoking I do-not in there house or in fact in mine when they are here  

It is more my husbands side that is mad, the only people I ever really get to see on my side are my grandparents. I wouldn't mind going if she was older and had all of her important shots and has a little better of an immune system.

[CARRINGTON]

I hate it when people use "guilt cards" to make others do what they want. It's not like your husband doesn't want to see his grandma is it? =\ gosh so many selfish people these days what happened to the good old world? You're not in the wrong. Your baby's health must be top priority. 

The guilt card works on my husband and other family members and although I feel bad that his grandma may not have much longer but according to the doctors she was supposed to have died years ago and she didn't and she shouldn't be doing as well as she is. By now they thought she would be in a wheel chair, in a nursing home, with a feeding tube, etc. and none of that has happened yet. Plus I don't play the guilt card on any of them including my husband, I am only able to see my grandparents and that is it, I have not seen my mom since I was taken from my home by the state at 15, my dad bounces in and out of my life as he pleases, my whole moms side is so separated and split up that I haven't seen them since I was 12 and now my grandpa has cancer and my grandma just keeps going down the drain but I don't play that card with them ever.

[goingsolo]

Do not feel guilty. How do we know you will be out of hospital? If you are you will be tired overwhelmed and anxious. So be selfish and have a lovely quiet day with your new baby. I missed my sons 1st christmas as I was ill (he was 4 weeks) couldnt be helped but have always felt a pang of regret. Hope all goes well and look forward to pics of your little precious xxxxx

[Andy]

The babies health is your number one priority If they can't understand that then tough !! Have your own small family christmas. Tell them they can bring the prezzies around in January (only if they are not ill)

[Emma]

Agree with the others.  Stick to your guns and take it easy. 

 

My youngest was born pre-maturely on the 10th December.  He was only 4lb7oz and fed every 2 hours right round the clock.  He loved to sleep all day and cry all night (i mean, literally all night too!)  To top it all off, we all had a stomach bug on xmas eve, I cooked a xmas dinner the next day that none of us could stomach eating and if anyone wanted to see us for xmas then they had to damn well make the effort to come to us!  lol.

[Katie (and Zara the Husky)]

Listen to your mumma instincts. As she's your first and very special I think a few weeks getting to know her and settle into parenthood should be granted regardless!!!

Aaaand the joys of feeling judged on your parenting begin!

[Clare70]

Oh this is so not fair!

 

My first was born in May and she didn't have her first outing until she was 6 weeks old. Yes we had visitors, but only a few at a time. I was only 22, so quite inexperienced when it came to babies and young children.

 

No matter how prepared you think you'll be, you should give yourself as much quiet time as possible, just you your baby and hubby. You will be trying to juggle nappies, feeds, crying etc, along with your own discomfort, leaky boobs, sore downstairs and trying to deal with sleepless nights.

 

It's a special time and you shouldn't feel pressured by anyone, let alone the guilt trip of all the family. I agree with your doctor, you really shouldn't be taking a newborn to a party of people carrying god only knows what germs!

 

Stay home, sod the others, if they hold a grudge then they are just selfish and not worth knowing, if they truly care, they will understand.

 

It's a special time and you shouldn't be put in a position worrying about it, goodness aren't they thinking about your health!

 

Good luck

[Sizzlea89]

You do what's right for you. Don't listen to the nasty things they say. You were being an adult about it and they should respect what you want.

My opinion is that well when my little one was born I wasn't allowed to do anything which made me want to go against everyone. (My other halves parents) that and they made my pregnancy very stressful when I had no problems.

To prove a point 5 days after my daughter was born I got both of us dressed built the pram (I wasn't allowed that either) and went for a 10 mile walk with my baby and my dog. I got a train home but you know what it felt good!

The point I'm trying to make is don't let others control you and your baby. Your the parent, your in charge. You make sure you stand up for yourself and make the point often if you have to that it's your decision and that they have to respect that because your baby is yours not theirs.

To this day I still have wars with the in-laws but I always win now. I also have the advantage of telling my daddy and his advice

[Keeonah]

Only just spotted this thread. If there's one thing that I've learnt in this life it's to trust my own instincts. If your instincts say, stay away, then do it. You have the backing of your doctor as well. If other people don't like what your doing, TOUGH, they'll get over it in time and if they don't, it's their problem. Good luck.

 

Gary.