Bambi92 Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 I'm curious what's it like in your country for young mums? I'm 21 and my son is 5 months old every time I go out to the shops or some where like it I get stared at and even have people make comments like 's child raising a child', 'what hope has that poor kid got being raised by her' and the best one of all 'maybe you should have kept them closed and you wouldn't have stuffed your life up like you have' my reply to her was 'we choose to have our Baby he wasn't a mistake andmy life is better now then it was before' with a few choice words in the middle What happens in your countries? Sent from my GT-I8530 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winterchillz Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 Sadly, I think it's the very same in Bulgaria. People don't really expect that you'd have a baby before you turn an age like 26-27. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clare70 Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 I'm from the UK but now live in France. I was 22 when I had my first child and she was planned, or at least not unplanned This was nearly 21 years ago and the attitude towards me was similar to what you are experiencing now. There were times when I felt like I'd done something wrong, how dare I have a child at that age! But I have to say it doesn't matter what age you are to be a good Mum. I'm 43 now and my daughter is 21 this year and we are really good friends, she says I'm the only person she likes to go clothes shopping with Just ignore the comments and be the best Mum to your little one as you can Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydiamond Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 well I live in Asia, so we have huge respect towards others and people are generally afraid of doing what's considered impolite. Voicing your personal opinions--or even asking personal questions--to strangers is considered VERY impolite here. If you're in my town, Laura, and that person tells you "maybe you should have kept them closed..." in a public place with a voice loud enough for others to hear, you'd soon find the entire crowd either giving the rude person a dirty look or jumping in to the convo defending you. EDIT: That being said, the general public in Indonesia also considers having a child before age 24 or older as a taboo. No strangers would dare to comment in front of your face, but you'd find your family and friends commenting a lot. Especially if you had a child before age 20. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicalxheart Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 I believe it is probably the same in other countries too, I know that I have encountered this same mentality in my town and other cities I've been to with my child. I was 20, almost 21, when I had my son, and I look young for my age (plus I'm very short). Anyway, I was stared at pretty much anywhere I went while I was pregnant and even after I had my son. I've been asked tons of times how old I am, if I'm married, or if I'm actually my sons sister... Yeah... It drives me nuts when people just assume things. I've also had some rude comments from family members, mostly from my husbands family on his dads side.. Like once I forgot to put a few burp cloths in the diaper bag before we left the house, and when we were asked if we had one and I checked and said no, they reacted and said that we were irresponsible and needed to be better prepared. That might have been something silly to get upset over, but I really took offense to it, I was extremely tired and just simply forgot to put them in there. People here generally will not judge if you have finished college, have a career, get married, own a car, and buy a house before having kids.. If you are younger than 25 and haven't done all of these things, assumptions will be made and you will get talked about.. Which is very sad because there are lots of women who are in their late teens or early twenties that are amazing mothers to their child or children. Age really has nothing to do with someones parenting ability, it really depends on the individual, how they were raised, and the environment they grew up in. Now with all that being said, my son will be 4 this year in May and I will be 25 in July. I have learned to ignore most of the comments and all the looks I get in public, and let all the "parenting advice" from family members and the comments that offend me a bit to just go in one ear and out of the other. But it is irritating to have to hear all of that kind of stuff, and it does hurt but eventually it will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamirNYK Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 If you wanna please other people, or are gonna stress out over what they think or say then you're gonna have a bad time!!! Obviously I'm not a young mom so I can't say for sure, but over here I think people appreciate more young families than girls over 25 that are still single or don't plan a family in the near future. The thing is, there are less and less of the first, and more of the lather, so maybe that's why it's like that. People just like to judge other people, that's all there is to it, just trying to justify their own mistakes by judging others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goingsolo Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 Im the same age as a colleague who asked me once why I had my kids so young (20& 22) as id missed out on life!! My answer was that at 40 I had freedom to do what I want when I want whereas she couldnt cuz the age of her kids (9 at the time). I dont regret having mine when I did I was young had energy and we had fun. They are now 27 and 25 and proud of them both. Enjoy your baby and ignore these rude people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frenchie Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 I have mixed views about young mums, partly because when I think about my life (I'm nearly 20) I just can't picture a child, there is no way I'd be able to support one nor does it appeal to me and because I used to live in an area of London known for having teen mums.<br /><br />When I was passing my GCSE's (end of secondary school exams, aged 15/16) there were 2 girls heavily pregnant in my year, and now they're doing nothing with their life and still live at home where their parents take care of the kid. In the 4 years since I left school another 5 girls I was at school with have had kids, its crazy they're the same age as me. :/<br /><br />But, since my best friend (aged 19) has had her baby, my views have softened, mainly because she does such a fantastic job as a mum and her boyfriend supports her.<br /><br />As long as the circumstances are ok <br />I don't think 21 is too young for a child but when I see girls still in school uniform with their pregnant belly and no partner in sight, it worries me.<br /><br />Sent from my GT-I9000 using Tapatalk 2<br /><br /> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky-gunner Posted January 7, 2014 Report Share Posted January 7, 2014 unfortunately there are idiots in every corner of the world that will judge you for all sorts of things just lift your arm extend your middle finger and smile and say to your self suckers as long as your happy who cares what others think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambi92 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 Its interesting seeing others views. The general view I get from people my age are 'how are you ment to go out and have fun' meaning go out and drink and generally be stupid I did all when I was too young to be doing it and to be honest I regret doing it because I seen something's I never ever want to see again and I don't have an interest in alcohol anymore I've had 3-4 drinks in the last 3years. In saying that the older the people that are commenting the views change to the other side of the scale and it goes to 'what about the child, is the child going to have everything it needs, are you going to do the right thing for the child'' My view was and still is in some ways if your still in school you shouldn't be having kids but at the same time its if you have a kid while still in school and you find a way to finish your schooling and take care of your child at the same time without relying on parents good on you but sadly where I live the area is known for teens having child for the money (we have a baby bonus not sure if other countries do the same we get $5000 for first child and $3000 for every child after this money is ment for getting the child what it needs) but this area they have the kids to get the money for example drugs, alcohol, tvs, ect a number of things that can't help the child in any way what so ever. There are a handful of people that do the right thing by the child and give it what it needs and more but others hang around the shops have multiple children that don't have clean clothes, look under weight and just generally don't look like the normally single mums don't look after them. There is a group that hangs around the back of the shops near me that is mainly made up of 14-18year old with multiple kids mostly single people I was asked by someone I went to school with why I wasn't in that group and I said 'because I'm not single I know nearly all of them in one way or another and to be honest I wouldn't be caught dead hanging around them even if my life depended on it because I know what there like and I would end up abusing them all for what they don't do for there kids (yes I sound extremely judgemental in saying that but I do know most of them personally and if you seen them you'd understand) I believe in doing the best for your child and making sure they have everything they need including the love and affection they need and deserve some people think my son has nothing and he should have more then he does (he has two rooms of the house now as well as his toys in the Loungeroom) we need a bigger house lol I've forgotten things in his bag a few times as well it's not hard to do when your so tired and still adjusting to having a baby I forgot his bottles and formula one day lucky we weren't far from home and could go back for it within 10mins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambi92 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 unfortunately there are idiots in every corner of the world that will judge you for all sorts of things just lift your arm extend your middle finger and smile and say to your self suckers as long as your happy who cares what others think I'll admit to do that a few times haha I'm not bothered by what people to be honest I couldn't care less I find it amusing lol just gets annoying knowing people are standing there judging you when they don't know anything about you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkoMKD Posted January 8, 2014 Report Share Posted January 8, 2014 As my friend from Bulgaria said,here on Balkans is strange thing. People will look you bad,like you killed a person. If you ask me,it's your life your choice. I won't do it for sure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny_Caity Posted January 19, 2014 Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 I think the opposite, I mean I don't judge older mums, but I just wouldn't like to be 55 dealing with a 15 year old! I don't deal well with children, but I wouldn't ever pass comment on a young mum! (And you think that being 21 is young? In our village 16 is an old mum! ) My mum had me at 21, and my brother at 26. Now that I'm 19, we are more friends than anything else, we go out to the pub, go shopping together, we have the same interests, it's great I don't think I would've had that relationship my mum if she was of a similar age to my nan. There's a 16 year old girl in our village with a 2 year old son, and she's doing great! It's not about age, it's about capability, and people need to realise that. - Caity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormchaser09 Posted January 19, 2014 Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 kids are hard work whatever age you are. As long as you do your best to bring them up safe and happy I don't think it is anyone's business when you have them. Being younger means you have a lot more energy but being older means you do have more life experience to hopefully pass on (if they listen). Sometimes I think it is harder being older as the mix of teenage hormones and the change that comes with being the wrong side of 50 is difficult to deal with. I work in a nursery and we have a huge range of ages of parents and I don't think any one age is better than the other just different with it's own problems and joys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Removed #5 Posted January 19, 2014 Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 (edited) Laura, I'm obviously not a mum but I am the son of one who had me when she was 19. (( and she died in July of last year )) According to all the family she did everything wrong - she partied, she - ell, let's say that she wasn't Mrs Cleaver. In retrospect it was a difficult life for me - and probably for both of us. But I do have to give her this one thing - she tried! She came from a very dysfunctional family ( man is that an understatement! ) looking back at everything, I loved her, she loved me and while things weren't the best they could have been in other circumstances - she tried, I couldn't have asked for more. Stupid people do stupid things - and looking down at someone else because they don't like what they see is one of the most stupid. Each of us has their own path to follow in this life, I can't follow yours ( *I* can't have a kid! ) and you can't follow mine ( and thank the gods for that! ). Do what you know is the best you can do and tell the people who look down on you to stuff it (can't say what I'm thinking - family board!) Do your best that's all you can do. And the fact that you ask, to me, means that you are. Give the little one a hug for me! Oh, and to answer your question - some people look down on the young mothers and some don't. Some care about others and some don't.... pretty much like just about anywhere else. Edited January 19, 2014 by Al Jones Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambi92 Posted January 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 Laura, I'm obviously not a mum but I am the son of one who had me when she was 19. (( and she died in July of last year )) According to all the family she did everything wrong - she partied, she - ell, let's say that she wasn't Mrs Cleaver. In retrospect it was a difficult life for me - and probably for both of us. But I do have to give her this one thing - she tried! She came from a very dysfunctional family ( man is that an understatement! ) looking back at everything, I loved her, she loved me and while things weren't the best they could have been in other circumstances - she tried, I couldn't have asked for more. Stupid people do stupid things - and looking down at someone else because they don't like what they see is one of the most stupid. Each of us has their own path to follow in this life, I can't follow yours ( *I* can't have a kid! ) and you can't follow mine ( and thank the gods for that! ). Do what you know is the best you can do and tell the people who look down on you to stuff it (can't say what I'm thinking - family board!) Do your best that's all you can do. And the fact that you ask, to me, means that you are. Give the little one a hug for me! Oh, and to answer your question - some people look down on the young mothers and some don't. Some care about others and some don't.... pretty much like just about anywhere else. Sorry to hear about your mum x Even when you try your best you still get put down and it sux I know myself that I'm doing the best I can with my baby boy he's healthy he's happy he's learning everything he should be if not more. The thing that annoys me the most is the ones that have kids that aren't looked after properly and are allowed to run wild at the age of 8-9 and they judge the people that are looking after there kids and not letting then run wild where they don't know what there doing. There's no way I'd let my boy out at 8-9yrs old to drink, smoke and do drugs there's a group of them around here that do it and there out to start trouble but when something goes wrong the parents don't get anything put on them its always 'it's not the parents fault' when in a way it is. Kids lead by example they learn from what they see some people don't get that part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunc Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 Round here if you not got a kid by your 16th birthday your odd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia Doyle Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 hey I was 17 when I got pregnant just turning 18, it was accidental and as bad as it sounds I didn't want him at first, I kept him coz as disappointed as my dad was that I had 'got myself knocked up!' he called it, he would have been even more disappointed if I hadn't have kept him, im not particularily close to my parents but they helped me the best they could, I was pregnant from January til I finished my leaving cert in june (a-levels) I was 6 months pregnant doing my exams, I broke up with my partner because although I was pregnant with his child I did not want to settle down with him, he just wasn't for me long-term as he wouldn't get up and get a job when I was doing my leaving cert, working and having a baby, a girl at my school frowned up on me for breaking up with the boyfriend but it was the right choice for me and as far as I was concerned the baby, I do not see the point in staying with some-one for the sake of the child and being miserable therefore making the child miserable, I was 8 months pregnant going to the debs (prom) I had met somebody else at this point but didn't want to bring him as he used to go out with my friend who was going with her boyfriend, I had trouble adjusting to being a young (kind of single mum) my parents wouldn't let me out unless I brought my sister and was only aloud out once a month which probably doesn't seem bad for most mums lol but for me it was a big thing, I found it hard to adjust to my new life and suffered from depression, I went into a hospital and got put on the right meds and im much happier now, I love josh for all the world, and everybody sais I do a great job, when josh was 2 I got to do a beauty course with fas and they payed for his crèche, after 3 years of trying I have finally found a beauty job and do odd bits from home, sorry for the big long story but I wanted to share. in answer to your question, I had the odd comments that didn't so much hurt but ennoyed me but mainly most people were very supportive, I was told I wouldn't be the first to get pregnant in school and I wont be the last, I had neighbours come and lend me things like moses basket and sterilser, I had friends offering to babysit while I worked, nobody looks down their nose at me, especially other mums, at the end of a day im just a mum just like them, its like they say age is only a number, all different people in all walks of path can be a great mum once we try our bes, sorry for the rant but there it is xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambi92 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 Round here if you not got a kid by your 16th birthday your odd Like that here too lol hey I was 17 when I got pregnant just turning 18, it was accidental and as bad as it sounds I didn't want him at first, I kept him coz as disappointed as my dad was that I had 'got myself knocked up!' he called it, he would have been even more disappointed if I hadn't have kept him, im not particularily close to my parents but they helped me the best they could, I was pregnant from January til I finished my leaving cert in june (a-levels) I was 6 months pregnant doing my exams, I broke up with my partner because although I was pregnant with his child I did not want to settle down with him, he just wasn't for me long-term as he wouldn't get up and get a job when I was doing my leaving cert, working and having a baby, a girl at my school frowned up on me for breaking up with the boyfriend but it was the right choice for me and as far as I was concerned the baby, I do not see the point in staying with some-one for the sake of the child and being miserable therefore making the child miserable, I was 8 months pregnant going to the debs (prom) I had met somebody else at this point but didn't want to bring him as he used to go out with my friend who was going with her boyfriend, I had trouble adjusting to being a young (kind of single mum) my parents wouldn't let me out unless I brought my sister and was only aloud out once a month which probably doesn't seem bad for most mums lol but for me it was a big thing, I found it hard to adjust to my new life and suffered from depression, I went into a hospital and got put on the right meds and im much happier now, I love josh for all the world, and everybody sais I do a great job, when josh was 2 I got to do a beauty course with fas and they payed for his crèche, after 3 years of trying I have finally found a beauty job and do odd bits from home, sorry for the big long story but I wanted to share. in answer to your question, I had the odd comments that didn't so much hurt but ennoyed me but mainly most people were very supportive, I was told I wouldn't be the first to get pregnant in school and I wont be the last, I had neighbours come and lend me things like moses basket and sterilser, I had friends offering to babysit while I worked, nobody looks down their nose at me, especially other mums, at the end of a day im just a mum just like them, its like they say age is only a number, all different people in all walks of path can be a great mum once we try our bes, sorry for the rant but there it is xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I like hearing from other younger mums knowing that they got the same reaction in one way or another. My family is very supportive at first they were surprised but now there great my OHs family some of them are but others keep making comments and trying to push me into having another one like I say to them I've only just had my little man 5 and a half months ago let me enjoy him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia Doyle Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 oh no hun don't feel any pressure, id love another one and alans mum would love me to have another one, but Alan's just getting used to the idea, josh is 5 now so we've waited 5 years before we've even considered another one, in the end hun just do what's right for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambi92 Posted January 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 oh no hun don't feel any pressure, id love another one and alans mum would love me to have another one, but Alan's just getting used to the idea, josh is 5 now so we've waited 5 years before we've even considered another one, in the end hun just do what's right for you In a way I want another for Phoenix to have someone to grow up with and to play with but at the sane time I don't want one because I don't want to go through it againand knowing my luck the next one will be bigger then Phoenix was if we choose to have another one it won't be for a year or two if I'm going to I sort of want them to be close in age. My brother and I are 6 years apart I loved having an older brother he use to protect me even though I wasn't exactly the nicest sister at times lol I want that for Phoenix its confusing Sent from my GT-I8530 using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydiamond Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 In a way I want another for Phoenix to have someone to grow up with and to play with but at the sane time I don't want one because I don't want to go through it againand knowing my luck the next one will be bigger then Phoenix was if we choose to have another one it won't be for a year or two if I'm going to I sort of want them to be close in age. My brother and I are 6 years apart I loved having an older brother he use to protect me even though I wasn't exactly the nicest sister at times lol I want that for Phoenix its confusing Sent from my GT-I8530 using Tapatalk 2 I'm not a mom nor am I interested to be one, but personally I'd vote for you. Definitely wait a little longer to put some proper age gap between the children. I don't want to scare you... I'm not saying all siblings with close age gaps are like this, but this is just what happened to me: I'm only 18 months apart from my little brother. We got compared to one another way too often we subconsciously became rivals. Growing up was hard because my brother has better achievements in school and he started verbally abusing me. Raising two children at one time is also stressful for my parents so they often leave us to deal with our own problems. Which means nobody is correcting my brother when he's calling me an idiot in front of our friends, or when he hits me in the face for not doing what he asks me to do. I grew up feeling inferior, unloved and set aside. Later on when my brother grew more mature, we settled our differences and wiped the slate clean but what's done is done. The memory is there and no one can take it back Even at the age of 50 my mom is still getting pressure from some relatives to have a third child ((I know they're daft)). People, especially older generation, somehow always expects couples to have as many children as they can. Those who only have one are often labelled as "cruel". It's absolutely unfair and it might hurt when they pressure you, but remember this is your life and you're the only one that can control it. If you don't want another kid right now, then wait. Ignore what everyone else said xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia Doyle Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 I say wait until you know for sure that your ready for another one, the age gap is up to you to choose, my boyfriend and his brother only have a year between them and they are like best friends, in fact we live next door to him! lol. just do what suits you best xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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