They Walk Among Us

[Mazz]

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Our society is doomed..............some old ones, but "just in case" you aren't aware of the problem :-)

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00

I said, "May I have large bills, please."

She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry sir, but all the bills are the same size."

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I said to the technician, 'It's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS .

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I said that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window.

I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25; so I also handed her a quarter.

She said, 'You gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’

She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, 'We're sorry, but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

-- From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I said, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

He smiled knowingly and nodded. 'That's why we ask.'

-Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged coworker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I said that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she said, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'

our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

Not another word was spoken.

We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights-stare.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself

and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.

[Andy]

Some folks are as dumb as a bucket of spanners

[Dunc]

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00

I said, "May I have large bills, please."

She looked at me and said, "I'm sorry sir, but all the bills are the same size."

 

Did you know its only in the good old USA where all the notes are the same size ? 

[robke]