Chula Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Hi everyone. I have been gone for awhile, life got kind of busy. Anyway, I have decided that it's best for me to move on from my relationship with my boyfriend of almost ten years. I just told him today and we haven't worked out details yet. I am very worried about Chula. Technically she is his dog, but she is MY dog, if that makes sense. I am heartbroken over the idea of him taking her. If he stays near me I would let him visit her or share her, but I fear he's going to leave the country and I'll never see her again. I am totally a mess at the idea of losing Chula. But I can't stay in this relationship. I have considered buying her from him for whatever quantity of money he wants. He may take her just to hurt me. I'm just devastated at the idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emma Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Hi there Emily, so sorry to hear you're finding yourself in this situation, sounds like you're caught somewhere between a rock and hard place. [emoji19] The reasonable thing to do would be to sit down and work it out between you but I can imagine that given the situation currently tensions are likely to be running high and so I'm asking.......Are her details in your name? Basically so if he does take her in spite then you can report him for theft and get her back? Or alternatively have her stay with family or boarding kennels for a week or so whilst he's preparing to leave....you can't take what's not there. Sorry my ideas aren't really up to scratch but I really do wish you well Emily. Take care, we're here if you need us. xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOBELHOWLUC49 Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear this….. I hope that sense will prevail and Chula's care and future is and will be paramount. I hope this traumatic time is amicably settled… So hard, take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Sorry to hear this but I think in regards to the relationship it's the right thing to do. If you even need someone to chat with I am here. As for Chula, I hope he doesn't take her from you as I know how much she means to you. I would be devestated if I didn't get to keep any of my dogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clare70 Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Hi Emily it's good to hear from you though not under these circumstances. I have to say I'm not surprised by your decision to break up, for months now you've come across as someone who isn't happy As for Chula well you have a right to be concerned. From what you've said before it sounds as though you are her main carer, often your ex partner has shirked his responsibilities towards her. Maybe right now is not the time to bring up ownership or visiting rights of Chula, whilst this is of great importance to you I would be smart about it, especially if your ex is hurting. Maybe let things settle for a few days, Chula may be the last thing he's thinking about right now. Sending you lots of hugs X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahjng Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Feel free to ignore this, but might it be an idea to not talk about it ? At least not with him. I don't know about your financial situation, but if you've been together 10 years I dare say they it's fairly entangled, if it is it might be an idea to see a solicitor/lawyer so seperating is a little easier. Instead of letting him know how much Chula means to you, just include her in a separation contract, he may not even think of her, but if he does, rather than say I will give you anything for her, let a lawyer/mediator do it, offer to give up your half of the family car, or Xbox, whatever you know he wants. I would think that regardless of whose name is on her paperwork, once she is included in a legal contract of separation she's yours, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydiamond Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 I agree with Sarah, I'd speak to a lawyer just to be safe. I'd also make him sign a contract saying that Chula is rightfully yours. I'm honestly glad to hear you're moving on from that relationship. You don't sound happy at all. Last but not least, welcome home to H-O, Emily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goingsolo Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Sending you a big hug at this time xxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carly Posted October 18, 2014 Report Share Posted October 18, 2014 Hope you manage to sort it all out and get to keep your baby girl. Much love xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chula Posted October 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 Well first thing he said is that he's taking her. I'm hoping he was mad and will think about what it means to really take care of her. I'm hoping his heart will soften. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 I hope so and you get to keep her. When is he leaving? I'm sure he has no idea how much you do and how expensive it is. I hope he realizes this before he takes her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chula Posted October 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 I don't know exactly when he is leaving. Soon I hope. I drank too much tonight. I am tired and sad. I love my Chula. She is mine. I lost four babies. He has his kids from a previous relationship. I hope he will understand how much I need her. She's everything to me . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clare70 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 If he really cares about you he will understand. Even if he decides to take her and there is nothing you can do about it, it may only be temporary when he realises what hard work it is. Don't drink too much Emily, keep a clear head X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOBELHOWLUC49 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 :huskyhugs:Oh Chula..... Been here myself..... Had a two year custody battle to keep my kids..... he did this out of pure spite.... but I won...... after the judge had made his decision I put my head in my arms and just cried and cried..... My ex's dad came up to me saying you will let us see our grand children won't you...... God knows what he had been saying to them.... How would he think I could be that cruel to my children.... they love there grand parents.... Any way. Take care of your self, keep healthy, stay away from the alcohol.... and stay positive... spite, does not win in the end..... and it may not even come to this he may just see reason and know you are the best person to care for her... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahjng Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 I'm not going to say anything about you drinking to much, it's never the answer but sometimes it helps. What I will say is you need to do two things. 1 SEE A LAWYER !!! 2. Make a list of all chulas expenses, insurance, vaccinations, food, treats, everything that's spent on her, then make a list of her schedule, let him know how much it's going to cost him in time and money, a list of her requirements, I.e 6ft fence, large garden,does she cry ? Will she cry and howl if she's away from you ? Remind him of this and that he needs to find somewhere suitable to live. After all, if her living conditions are unsuitable, a judge wouldn't be impressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 I think that once he realizes exactly what he will have to do to take care if her he might think twice about taking her....he might not even be able to if he moves somewhere where he can't have her. I don't blame you for having a few, I'd probably do the same thing. You have been through too much already and you have to think of the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maz51 Posted October 19, 2014 Report Share Posted October 19, 2014 I feel for you. When my first marriage split he separated MY Boxers who were 3 weeks apart in age, cousins and had gone through joint theft which I alone worked on getting them back. Yes he paid the phone bill drove to London but let ME go into the East End alone to put put out posters and flyers. The smaller one went to his mother's - he worked all day so bloody pointless; Dan died aged 9 of overweight! My boy Sam lived fit and strong to 13.5yrs. I've registered both my HxM in my name - vet's bills out of joint account into which I contribute my State & NHS Pension but not private pension (£58pcm). Although we're 2gether 18 & married 10 years, that's the way I wanted it. Whose name is with the Insurance, and vet plan if u have it and more to the point...The microchip info?? My Eski's microchip is STILL registered in dead owner's name although papers with daughter or grand-daughter....so now I'm not even sure if Eski is legally grand-daughter's?? Need to chat with my vet! Anyway... yes see a lawyer..you can see CAB free or a lawyer who has free consultation for 30 mins. GO PREPARED..speak to vet - if you're the one who's taken Chula to vet...get confirmation in writing...and any payments ref bills... if you have any connection and if you've contributed majorly to Chula's health, training and medical care you certainly have a share IMO. Like a car ... the driver is not necessarily the owner /keeper ....if you have your name to anything on paperwork...go from there. Secondly...if you are better suited in time re working hours to care for Chula then he (b/f - ex) should honestly take this into account. Who grooms and cleans up and vacuums...feeds and walks...? Esp during blow-out moults?! The WELFARE of Chula is vital and perhaps if you take this approach (calmly) you can both reach an amicable arrangement or agreement. ? Be strong...be firm. (I'd personally remove her, get prepared for battle and go from there .... if he's intimating keeping her but cannot realistically look after her properly hink about it. Be strong...Husky hugs hon. ?? Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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