mydiamond Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 You've all seen this coming am just rambling randomly here. Not expecting a reply x Plain and simple; I miss the dog. Horribly. It felt a little funny feeling sad sometimes, since I absolutely love living away in this small strange town. I wasn't happy at all in Indo. I don't have, never have, anyone to turn to. I was losing grip, an inch away from insanity. Here, in Lansing, my life is the total opposite. People are so open-minded it's unbelievable. For the first time ever I can go wherever I want to go and say whatever I want to say without being shot down right after. I still don't have anyone to turn to, but I don't care. I'm living the life, for heaven's sake! My scores so far are hovering between the 3.5 and 4.0 mark, leaning towards the 4.0 in fact. My goal is to maintain a constant 4.0 GPA all the way to graduation. It's funny how I set a goal that high for myself. Back in Indo this would have never happened. So, I'm happy. I could finally breathe. But the fact that Diamond now lives nine thousand miles away remains. I never thought you could feel both happy and sad at the same time. But I guess they're more of a bad mix rather than an impossible one. Soon came forth the idea of keeping a little fish. I told myself I've just forgotten how to live without a pet. Surely if I have a little friend to care for, I'd feel a little better. One thing leads to another, so comes Mr. True Blue; who is nonchalantly blowing bubbles in his tank as I'm typing right now. Far before I brought Blue home, I already know I may or may not regret my decision to get a pet fish. I know I'm just attempting to create a version of Diamond that fits my current living situation. I also know that's not very fair of me, and that this whole plan may actually backfire. Well, It actually did. The fish has to be a boy because Diamond is a boy. He also has to be blue because Diamond's eyes are blue. Blue also happens to be Dime's favorite color. The color of his harness, his lead, and the collar he's wearing when I left. I couldn't stop buying blue stuff for my room. Blue bathroom mat, blue entrance carpet, blue napkin... and now a blue fish, who *has* to be named True Blue. I laughed at myself when all this thought came up in my head. I thought; "what the heck, Liv! You think fishes are custom-made? Plus, are you really gonna pick color over health?". But then I walked into the pet store that Saturday and I actually met a male, healthy, feisty, little fish that is so blue he's almost black. I pretended to look around some more but there's just no bringing home another fish. Blue's mine the moment I saw him. True Blue came home fearful. He's apprehensive and easily startled. I asked around to estimate his age, and was told because he's a pet store fish he's most likely 6 months old (a Betta's life span is 5-6 years). "But he's so small!" I told people in a fish forum. Right that moment, I got reminded of something. Guess which other boy of mine that is way too small for his age. Guess which other boy of mine came home fearful of the whole wide world. Guess who I actually bought True Blue for. Looking at True Blue now sort of feels like looking at a half of something. A heart, perhaps. I have one half here, on top of my study desk, and another half all the way back in Malang. In summer when I come home to finally see Diamond again, I would still only be looking at a half of the entire piece; because True Blue would come home with someone who lives locally during that time. I wouldn't say getting True Blue made things worse. What's better than a fish that is born with a constantly-bemused face? I'm so attached to him already, despite the fact that I can't take him out for long walks or a quick cuddle. But the gap in my heart that I thought True Blue could fill remains gaping. Honestly though it's weird how I expected another animal besides Diamond could fill it. But I sort of just decided it's a good idea. I'm supposed to fill the empty pages on my Maths course notes with course notes. But I kept scribbling the dog's name in so many different ways. I wonder how crazier I'm gonna get next semester. --end of random thread-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahjng Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 Oh Liv, I wish I could snap my fingers and move dime to be with you. But right now, as hard as it is, you have to play the long game, in time you will graduate, find a forever home for YOU, and your boy will come too. Instead of scribbling his name a hundred different ways. Just remember, each word of each essay, each question of each test takes you one tiny step of those nine thousand miles until he is back at your side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydiamond Posted November 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 Thanks Sarah x means I've just taken fifty steps today through my Biology exam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elyse Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 *hugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 It's amazing how attached we become to these furry monsters. One day 'Liv you'll be reunited full time with your Oh, So handsome wooly Boy. Hopefully in an envirnment where you can both flourish. Until then Chin up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 I can't imagine how much you miss Dime. Hopefully you will reunite soon. It is good to hear that otherwise things are going well for you ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydiamond Posted November 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 On a happier note, this decal I ordered from China (!!) finally arrived tonight. I totally messed up with sticking it flawlessly, but it looks perfect from far away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NOBELHOWLUC49 Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 Oh Liv,,,, Life is sometimes a difficult beast….. the only thing I can liken this to is having to leave my Kids at school, and then having to go to work and not seeing them till I got home from work…… I worried about them constantly…. but I needed to work to give them a home and food etc, and they needed to go to school to learn… Unfortunately you sometimes cannot have everything the way you like it……. Keep going Liv…. sometimes the harder things are the better they work out in the end. … and True Blue and Dime are lucky to have some one that cares so much…. and yes you can feel happy and sad at the same time, its a normal human condition X …. X take care….. and keep those grades going there amazing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky-gunner Posted November 4, 2014 Report Share Posted November 4, 2014 sending you hugs liv, you and dime will back in each others arms before you know it until then tho enjoy the usa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.