Oh, Life ..

[Dan]

I hate posting threads like these, but without anyone else to really talk to, my thoughts kind of just stir in my head and make me upset most of the time.

 

Basically I'm a guy in my early 20's that had a hell of a time throughout my schooling years. A combination of bullying, and moving school basically every 4 years, I was very unsettled. To add to that, my parents divorced  in the last few years of my schooling. I have 2 younger brothers and without dad around, I kind of felt like I needed to help mum out where I could. I think this really soured my idea of relationships, and to this day I still don't really have much desire to be in one. The bullying in school totally destroyed any self confidence I may have had (and, well, combined with the fact I'm not exactly the best looking guy), to the point where I can't even make a phone call without getting myself worked up. 

 

I had left school with intentions of studying at university, but I'm pretty well hopeless at mathematics, which really doesn't sit well for the kind of thing I'd like to study. I have studied a few subjects but I just don't really have the motivation, and am wondering whether I'd be better off just keeping stuff like electronics as a hobby. My dad was located down South at the time, and for something different, I decided to move down there and live with him. A year later and I'd achieved nothing, and dad was being posted to Darwin, so I moved back to Cairns with my mum. Once again I was basically sitting around doing nothing for another 6 months, desperately trying to get a job. I finally got one in electronics retail. It was great having a source of income, and something to do during the day, but I just felt I was running in circles and didn't really enjoy my job. Around this time I started thinking about the future, and well, one thing lead to another and I decided I needed some companionship. My mother already had a dog and a cat, and the house wasn't really suited for a large dog like a husky (I had my mind set on huskies for quite a while), so I reluctantly put that idea on the backburner for a while. I learned a few months on that my dad was being posted to Townsville. He is in the army, so it's not uncommon for him to have to go away for months at a time. I figured if I was going to live with him, and might not have anyone around the house for extended periods, then what's the harm in having a dog around?

 

6 months later I quit my job, found my boy Loki, and moved to Townsville. And well, here I am again. I'm so glad at times like these that I do have Loki around as I want to ensure the best future for him, as well as myself. After so much instability in my life, even at 20, I'm at the point where I really just want to settle down somewhere. Get a house, rental to begin with, get a reliable job, and basically just know I have a house with a happy dog waiting for me at home, while I enjoy what I'm doing at work. 

 

The issue comes when deciding what it is I would actually consider an enjoyable job, and whether that'd be a practical job. I have thoughts one day of starting my own business in something, but for now I just need to get on my feet. After realizing how much I love dogs, I'm wondering whether I could possibly get a job working with animals. Unfortunately I have a hard time expressing things like this to my parents, or basically anyone else, in fear of being "weird". I'm weird, I'll admit that, but I don't need my family calling me weird too Along with that, it seems most of those jobs would be considered more women oriented (groomers etc), and jobs like vets require some pretty intense study at university, so I'm not really sure where I'd even fit in to something like that. That's why I feel a lot better talking to communities like this, because the people understand where I'm coming from (I hope?).  Apart from that I really have no idea. Last I checked, Townsville had some of the highest unemployment rates in the country, so I'm not really surprised I'm struggling.

 

Which leads me on to thinking, well, maybe I need to move somewhere else? I figure I'd have a much better chance of getting a job basically anywhere but here, even in the most common jobs like retail. But obviously moving is a huge process, which is both expensive and very stressful, especially considering I've never lived independently. To add to that I'd need to find a dog friendly place to live (I don't think I could give Loki up for anything), and well, a job. 

 

Then I think about all this stuff at once, far too deeply, and get hugely overwhelmed. Do I take the plunge, move out somewhere, and try start a "new" life, or stay in my safety net of living with parents, just try get a job (whatever my chances), and figure that stuff out later? Whether it's through work or just anything else, I do need to fix my social life, it's just so hard when all your hobbies go over most peoples heads. I figure even something like catching up with other husky owners for events like I see posted on here would be great, but it's not going to happen in Townsville. My considerations for places to move would probably be either Canberra or Adelaide. I'm leaning a bit towards Adelaide as I have an online friend there I've met personally a few times, who's also into most of my hobbies also. We have even talked about share houses, but I feel like I'm kind of a burden on the whole thing with Loki - needing a pet friendly place with a well fenced yard. It's obviously going to be more expensive than something like a unit. If I could rent a place out myself that was suitable, and maybe have someone else move in, that would probably be better as I could make my own "rules" - but like I said, I'm totally hopeless with people, I feel a bit uneasy sharing my house with others. But in the end I know that's probably what I'll have to do for a while at least.  

 

I don't expect anyone to read this but I feel better getting it off my chest

 

[NOBELHOWLUC49]

Hey, sounds like you have had a tough time, and to be honest I think we are all a little weird.  But that's good just means we are individuals.  Life isn't about being a cool looking guy its about being a cool person.  Some people are just mean and horrible and the world would definitely be better of with out them but that's not how it works.

 

Its hard when parents split up, mine did when I was 10 and that was tough, we then had my step dad move in with his 5 kids, which made 9 of us kids all from broken homes.  Did that affect me, damn right it did and trust well that was not something I had in any great abundance.  I was an angry kid and young adult and very lonely, which is strange when I was surrounded by so many. 

 

Anyway that is just a little background for you to understand that I do know how you feel.  I am a year of 50 now so I can tell you, that moving home, looking inwards and looking back are not going to help you or listening to people unless they have something constructive to say.  Talking about how to move forward and taking the first steps to being independent are. 

 

The things you Like are where you need to start in deciding what you need to do, and best way to do this is write everything you know about each, work that is available in those areas and what you need to do and learn to start out in a career in one of these fields.  Most of us have to start at the bottom and yes its boring but this is the building block for moving on.  At the age you are now I would never imagine that I could do the job I do now.

 

I hope this helps a little.  If you would like to PM me then please do.  I have 3 kids and they all think I am mad for having 4 dogs, 4 rabbits, 4 Guinea Pigs and a Cat. My friends do not understand why I have these animals and can't understand why I'd rather spend my time with them rather than go on holidays etc.  But I am weird as they keep on telling me, but I am very happy in my weirdness and that's all that matters.

 

P.s Have you though about volunteering for an animal rescue???

[Jase]

Thanks for sharing your story, a problem shared is a problem halved. 

 

I know it doesn't seem like it, but 20 is young, you have plenty of time to find your place with work and home. TAFE do courses in various animal husbandry studies - training and grooming to name just two. 

 

My advice is not to pressure yourself into coming up with an immediate solution. 

 

I am sure that there will be others who will come along and share their thoughts.

 

Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

[Dan]

Took my mind off it for a while and took Loki to the dog park - must be easy being a dog 

 

I realize I have to start at the bottom to get anywhere, but I'd still prefer to find something I can somewhat relate to - even retail at a pet shop would probably be OK, would still get to talk to people about animals etc, I'm not sure. I just feel like I'm wasting my life sitting around here - but I feel living with my parents is kind of giving me an excuse not to try. While it's good financially, I can't do it forever. The sooner I can start setting myself up for the future the better, as like I said, I'd really prefer to get settled ASAP. It's probably not doable but I'd also prefer to avoid working extreme hours. If I don't have time to spend to do my own thing & with Loki, I'd feel bad I was neglecting him. I do website design just as an occasional thing, so I'm thinking if I can at least get a job with enough hours to pay for my basics, I can do other things on the side at home for a bit of extra income. Thanks for the support though

[Rachael_Astro]

Hello! What's happened to you sounds a lot like what happened to me so I know where you're coming from. I was bullied quite badly and I went to 3 different schools, I've moved a total of 14 times in my life which made me really unsettled. My parents divorced when I was 19 and I was made homeless.

I think when you move around a lot and have an unsettled life it is really hard to make friends and make decisions and stick to them. But to make the rest of your life a positive thing you have to just listen to your heart and follow it. I did a degree in sports science which was a complete mistake, I want to work with animals as well so I have no idea why I did that. It would be a good idea for you to get some experience by volunteering at animal rescues, volunteering always looks good on a CV and you never know where it might lead to!

There is no rush for you to move out. I was stupid when I lived at home I didn't save which is my biggest regret. Save up as much as you can while you are there

Someone said to me once you can't move forward if you are always looking behind you and that's so true, don't dwell on the past, life is what you make of it

[Emma]

My son has always suffered from low confidence.  He wouldn't speak to anyone other than myself and hubby for the first 5 or 6 years of his life, he was seriously that affected.  These days he's getting better but still finds eye contact and conversation hard with people he doesn't know too well.  At 17 years of age he's getting ready to finish his last year at college and like yourself isn't too sure what he wants to do. 

I'm not sure what is available in your neck of the woods but are there any volunteer positions available at local rescues that you could trial to see how you feel about a career working with animals?  Or if electronics/other paths of engineering take your fancy are there any apprenticeships available that would let you work and train at the same time?  These jobs are usually low paid initially but will get you the qualifications you require which will stand you in good stead for progressing in your career.

[mydiamond]

As someone sitting in college right now, it's a bit hard for me to relate knowing that I have a better chance of getting a job and stuff. But I would say that there is definitely jobs out there you can do. Never feel like you're stuck, because that's when you start to believe you really are. Personally I'd advise against working at a pet store especially at the larger chains after a while it'd be a battle between dollars and morals when you find yourself talking people into buying certain product brands even when you know it's not the most suitable for their pets. Someone in this fish forum managed to kill her entire tank because she listened to "the PetSmart lady". Then of course there are the animals that are sold in-store who are, judging from my local Petco, aren't exactly treated well. But then again if you work at the small, private-owned one you won't get as much money. See the inner battle going on there?

 

One thing I once daydreamed to do was dog-walking and dog-sitting. It's surprising to see the amount of demand for this sort of service. I mean, of course there are lots of dog walkers out there, but most of them either don't understand our rambunctious breed or simply refuse to accept clients with Huskies. Dog-sitting is another service that is abundant but scarce. One of our members, several moons ago now, had their Husky rejected by their regular walker/sitter because said walker/sitter doesn't feel safe having a Husky in her home. Say it with me: what??

 

You don't need a license either for things like this, so guess it'd make a nice starting point. Advertising would be through word of mouth too, so less cost and all. Just thought I'd offer an idea

 

About the social thing: I don't know if you should listen to me about this, but really there's nothing wrong with being a loner. I don't like or don't get along with 99% of people I know. That remaining 1% isn't exactly friends either. They're more like... civil acquaintances. The only friends I have are my pets, and people in the cyber world. But then again, when someone's in the cyber world, they're seen as a small box of a stagnant picture and a paragraph of their thoughts next to it. I used to be very upset with this. Like, "how do I get loved? Why does that girl next door has so many people she can rely on while I only have a laptop? What is it that she has that I don't have?". But then, years later, I realize that I don't need to have that girl next door's life. My dog loves me, and that's enough. I don't care if people don't care. What I'm saying is: you don't need to have the societal standard-approved kind of social life. Now that you're a part of our Husky family, this forum right here can be your social life if you want. So if you don't like sharing spaces with somebody else, especially one that is still pretty much a stranger, then don't. I hope I don't come across as trivializing, because really that's not what I'm trying to do. But still, there are ways of living life aside from what society presents to us. Just saying.

[Dan]

Oh, looks like I missed a few replies on this thread since last time.

 

I'm really glad I found a place full of likeminded people I can talk to about this, just hope I'm not annoying people too much

 

I think my biggest issue right now is just uncertainty about what I want to do. I want to do something, I need to get on with my life .. but what DO I do? Go to uni for something like electrical engineering, work my ass off and probably still not understand half of it, and come out near $30K in debt. But then when I'm finished, my work is basically going to be in an office (I mean, I still have to get a job, too). While it's OK money, and money is important, I personally think I'd rather deal with a lower income but do something that just clicks with me. Volunteering at shelters and what not is definitely something I'd consider, but I think I need to concentrate on actually getting myself self-sufficient moreso. As easy as it is, I'm tired of living with my parents, tired of living in a place that's just a 24/7/365 sauna, tired of not even being able to pay my own phone bill. I'm not really in any financial or "stable" (housing etc) state to own a dog, but I make it work because everyone needs company of some sort, and he's the best company I could ever ask for and basically holds me together. I basically put all my adsense money from YouTube each month (which really isn't much, but it helps) into a fund to ensure I can care for him. I'm also lucky I have my parents who are also not so great financially, but able to help me out when I really need it. Whatever happens I just hope Loki can be part of it. I feel like if I need a kick up the ass to get out there and get life moving, having to support myself entirely would be a good wakeup call. 

 

But on the topic of animal oriented jobs, being male I feel the market is a bit limited. Of course there's things like vets, but the study for something like that is totally insane. I'm just not really sure what's out there that I'd enjoy yet could still support myself. If I could do something like volunteering at a shelter, but actually be able to live off it, I'd be right into that.

 

Nooottt suuurrrreeeee 

[sarahjng]

WOW, first thing, TAKE A BREATH !!!

stop expecting so much of yourself, home, job, uni, social life, no wonder your head is spinning. You can't change everything all at once, no one could (unless they win the lottery)

I know it's all connected, but you need to start with one thing, just one. You have a you tube channel, can you increase the revenue from that ? You do web design, push that. Your dad's army, so I assume there's a base there, put up flyers for dog walking and sitting there (off duty soldiers are notoriously lazy) offer specialized services, if you have a car, offer a taxi service for vet visits. Last minute call outs, long term rates for guys going away. It's an unpleasant truth, but money gives you options.

You said you need a kick up the butt, so here it is, one week, to design a flyer for your new business, post it here.

That's the homework, now for the practical assignment, take Loki out for a walk and talk to 5 people, it doesn't have to be a conversation, ask the time, chat about the dog, anything, but you have to look them in the eye when you do.

Also, you can't make statements like ` I'm not good looking` without putting up a picture. With the bullying you have suffered, you could look like a God and still want to put a bag over your head, so for extra credit, let's see a picture ! I don't know about anyone else here, but most days I look like a bag lady lol.

If you can't find the job you want, make the job you want.

[Dan]

Will see what I can do once I get home - up visiting mum for a few days & stuck on my mobile. I had a good talk to her about half an hour ago about some possible options and it made me feel a bit better knowing she now knows how I feel about everything. Gonna go take Loki for a nice long sweaty walk now and process it all a bit

[SnowDogLove]

I don't want to sound like I'm being unkind here, but as I was reading through these, I feel like you are making excuses for yourself (which I am familiar with myself.) Oh I can't do dog grooming or sitting because that's more of a woman's job... says who?! Why should that stop you if that's something you want to do? Like Liv said, there are actually a lot of people out there looking for people to do those types of services. I know that I would prefer having someone reliable and knowledgeable about Huskies to come take care of mine for the weekend while I'm away than try relying on family members who have better things to do. (Believe me I'd rather pay someone to do it right than ask someone who will do it wrong.) I'm just saying...

 

Also, I get that divorce is hard on some people (my parents divorced before I was 2 and my mom has since married and divorced twice) but don't let that be an excuse too. I've moved at least once a year for my entire life but I don't feel like it's made me a worse person for it. I'm not a social butterfly but I can be civil with people, and if you've got ONE good friend, then you're doing good. Don't let what's happened to you in the past hold you back from what you want out of the future. Just TRY some things! The worst that could happen to you is ending up where you are now which is where you'll stay if you don't try doing some things out of your comfort zone.

 

I'm wishing you the best of luck in your future endeavors and hope that something happens for you! I agree with Sarah's challenges. Get out there any do something!   

[mydiamond]

Echoing the says who. I'm telling you, if a groomer tells me "oh I have a Husky at home and I'm crazy in love with the breed", I would automatically be willing to shell out cash even if you charge more than my current groomer (who feeds her dog table scraps, by the way). The last thing I care about is whether Dime's groomer is a guy or a girl. Husky owners, not just me, are a lot more comfortable having someone that knows the breed handling their dogs. This isn't limited to grooming either, it's the same for dog-walking/dog-sitting services and even vets. That "I know Huskies" label would give you a huge boost. You know, just in case you want to take this career path. Internet job makes money too if you're really dedicated, but I can't comment much on that since I know close to nothing. Point is; there ARE ways out. Maybe one of them leads to Michigan (( we have snow! ))

[Jay]

I wouldn't worry too much about going into a "female" dominated industry.  I am a paralegal, and you don't see many male paralegals around...at my old office I was one of 2 non-attorney males there in an office of about 80. 

 

You are still young and you shouldn't feel like a failure for not knowing what you want to do.  I was in my 30's before I got my crap together lol.  Take your time, and enjoy life (and your husky) now   It will all work itself out!  Best of luck, and you are not bothering anyone here, this is what the forum is for.  We are one big dysfunctional family lol.

[Dan]

Thanks so much everyone. I feel a lot better today and I've been alternating between working on my website a bit, and training Loki some new tricks.

One of my other hobbies is RC flying things - planes/multirotors etc. I bought a laser cutter a while ago and have been meaning to cut some little wooden brackets to sell (among other things). They won't be a great source of income but better than nothing. I was also thinking I could expand a bit and do things like personalized pet tags/plaques etc, although the market may already be a bit saturated.

 

Don't feel like you're being unkind though - just the fact people have even taken the time to read my whining (that's basically all it is, I know) has surprised me. I know I'm always making excuses up for myself, but sometimes I need to rant about them somewhere before I really realize where I'm going wrong. In my case I'm scared of failure, because a good portion of my life so far has been full of it. I just need to jump in and try new things and see what happens. If it fails, I guess I'll handle it a bit better realizing it's always a possibility, but if it works out, well, awesome 

 

Thanks again

[SnowDogLove]

Good luck! Keep us posted!