Mazz Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller! Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet! I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks! I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off! Old age is coming at a really bad time! When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation! The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap! I don't have gray hair, I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance for idiots that needs work. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees. The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes". I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week. When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"? I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it! Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound! Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud? At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for. Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which means ... chocolate is Salad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Dave you're getting better. Every day you've raised my spirits and made me chuckle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robke Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.