Carly Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 This is more of a 'get it off my chest' post...apologies in advance! I don't have many things that I am frightened of, other than spiders (evil creatures lol) but I do have a totally stupid fear of driving.....in normal daily life this doesn't cause me a problem, Mitch drives everywhere and is happy to do so, plus I wouldn't ever dream of driving his pride and joy anywhere for fear of damaging it, which of course I would....being a girl and all that! Very occasionally things happen where I do need to drive and one of these situations has arisen and has caused such an argument this morning....the BMW needs to go in for its inspection and various other little tinkerings, the chap doing the work is in Worksop which is about 20 minutes or so from us. We will have to hire a car for a few days as our car will need to stay in Worksop for a few days itself, this means that Mitch wants me to drive this hire car to worksop so he has a way to get home..... My problem with this is that I am absolutely petrified and Mitch just thinks I'm stupid, he doesn't understand and I can't explain the fear because I don't actually know I am so frightened? He gets hugely cross with me, shouts at me and then ends up laughing at me. He is not very patient of things he doesn't understand no matter who is involved, even me. He just can't accept my fear and be done with it. Now when I say I'm petrified I mean that the very conversation has made me feel sick and the sheer panic I feel has left me feeling even more stupid and crying at the rediculousness of if all. I am just so upset and disappointed, not only in myself for feeling the way I do but also at Mitch's inability to accept and understand how I feel about this one thing.... If anyone has any advice on how I can get over this I am very happy to hear it, because I really do hate the way this makes me feel, afterall I can actually drive....although it has been about 18 months since I last drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robke Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 I do understand your fear...how about taking and advanced driving class but talking to the instructor before hand there are special instructors that can help in these situations... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leelibrian Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 try and proper explain to him that it really freaks you out. explain how you feel completely and stuff like that is there something that triggered you fearing driving? lots of hugs xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carly Posted February 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 My ex husband was not a nice man and frequently tried to pull the steering wheel when I was driving to make the car veer either towards a ditch or into the adjacent lane just to frighten me.....even though I know Mitch won't ever do anything like that I think that's probably why.....although I feel just as freaked when I'm on my own in the car and that might come from having an accident in the middle of nowhere once and not being able to contact anyone because I had no phone, no money no nothing.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leelibrian Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Can I pm you? Xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carly Posted February 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Of course x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goingsolo Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 I fully understand your fear. Panic attacks can be totally debilitating, try small steps, getting in the car, starting the engine, driving to the end of the road and so on. It will take time but you can build on each success. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carly Posted February 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Thank you Tina x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BingBlaze n Skyla Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Can he tow the other car with u in it? All u have to do then is indicate , turn n break? I sometimes get the same way having someone to follow who knows the way n who won't go too far ahead like at roundabouts where they'll wait for a gap big enough for both of us really helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carly Posted February 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 He's going to get the hire car from Worksop, which I did suggest but obviously that's now been his idea..... I'm going to calm down and then explain....again that I can't really explain the fear but that I do have a fear and him getting cross doesn't help in the slightest or encourage me to drive.... that I don't want to be afraid but I can't help it and actually I feel stupid enough about it that being told I'm stupid again is not helpful..... then I'm going to grow a pair and takes Robs advice on the advance driving course but on the condition that we get the second car we keep talking about so that I don't have to go months/years without driving, then hopefully this won't be an issue anymore..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robke Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 Good on you Carly....you tell him otherwise point him my way LOL... for the person that had sort of the same fears that you had the advanced driving course helped real good did have an instructor that knew and not belittled the fear (that imo is very important)....it is a real fear... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydiamond Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) Well I see that you've heard a lot of great advice already, but I do think this is something bigger than just fear of driving. You're not irrational. You have a story behind this fear and you need to tackle *that*. What about a counseling session? x EDIT: just a story from my life to hopefully make you feel better. I don't like how you're starting to blame yourself for this fear and think you're stupid etc. You're most definitely not stupid nor the slightest bit irrational. You see, I was in an abusive relationship in high school. That guy stalked and terrorized me through texts, instant messengers and everything. One day he appeared in my class out of the blue, scaring the living daylight out of me. Since then, I became deathly afraid of anyone who even remotely resembles him. This means I'm afraid of *any* tall, skinny Asian guy with glasses. You have three guesses to figure out how this looks to people it took me almost a year to finally be okayish again around the group of people I'm afraid of. I will probably always be okay-ish instead of completely okay, but hey it's who I am. So... yeah. This isn't your fault, Carly. There's nothing to be ashamed of xx Edited February 17, 2015 by mydiamond Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carly Posted February 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 Thank you Liv, you are always the voice of reason xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emma Posted February 18, 2015 Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 Good luck with the lessons Carly. Agree with getting some counselling, this doesn't sound like it's just about the driving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachael_Astro Posted February 18, 2015 Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 Hi Carly, it's not irrational at all. A fear like this is all in your head, I know it's hard but you can overcome it! Set yourself small goals, take the car off the drive, drive to the end of the road, don't throw yourself into it. If you have a calm and supportive friend or member of the family to sit in the car with you that might help. Work it up slowly, maybe drive to the pub and have a meal, set yourself targets and think positive thoughts. I also agree that counselling could help, they could help you let go of those bad experiences and how to replace those memories with positive thinking. I'm a bit of a daredevil, but I'm terrified of heights. I did a bungee jump in December because I was determined to overcome my fear. I had a panic attack in the lift going up, I froze at the top and I've never been more terrified in my life. But I did it! You can do it, you will do it! Don't worry about what other people think, go at your own pace, don't let what that person did have a negative effect on your life, you are stronger than that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarahjng Posted February 18, 2015 Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 An irrational fear is just that ..... irrational. You can't explain it or understand it. But this isn't that, an accident that left you stranded ? A partner who grabbed the wheel ? These are not irrational, or stupid, this is a fear based on your experiences, a very RATIONAL reaction. All the advice given is great, get your own car, take special lessons, (they do ones for motorways,snow, all sorts now) therapy, but most of all, stop blaming yourself. Would you blame someone scared of dogs after being attacked ? Or scared of water after nearly drowning ? Of course not, you would offer them sympathy, and help them get over their fears, not call their fears stupid. Does he know about the wheel thing ? Have you really told him how it made you feel, the pit in your stomach ? The band around your chest that stops you taking a breath ? If not, do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carly Posted February 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2015 He knows, and also about all the other nasty things that happened, it was very important for me to be honest from the beginning. The thing with Mitch is that things are very black and white and when confronted with a situation he simply can't comprehend immediately he just doesn't know how to go about even starting.....it's like I'm speaking in a different language almost? It's the one trait that drives me mental, because things are rarely black and white are they? Things have settled down now and the whole event has been forgotten (in his world) so I'm going to give it a few days and then address the situation, probably didn't help that I was in full panic mode yesterday, I am going to explain again and then also explain that I want to overcome it, and this is how etc.... Thanks everyone for all your support and suggestions, it's much appreciated xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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