Back And Immediately Ranting

[mydiamond]

I know, I know. I just got back and barely started joining the crowd again, but I promise I'd go back yapping around right after Anyway!

 

So I'm not happy. Ever since I arrived in Indo the only thing people want to know is whether I have gained weight or not. Not that I mind that topic, but everyone kept saying either I'm fat or I have gained obvious weight when the fact is I lost six kilos within the first four months of my stay in East Lansing. My grandma's sister is the worst so far. She's not the nicest person on Earth and I know she's just born mean, but her words still get to me the most she sat next to me, stared at me from head to toe, and went like: "gained weight, didn't you?". I told her "not really", to which she replied: "no, you definitely got fat!". Second-worst are my parents. They kept on saying that I need to hit the gym because I'm "getting so fat" or I "will get fat soon". Now I must admit that I don't do any kind of sports (except for walking the dog, if that counts) and have always hated going to the gym, but I keep my weight in check by monitoring what I eat. OK, lies, I mean I eat very little. My largest meal size is half a regular plate, and even then I'd feel guilty right after because I ate too much. So most of the time I keep it to quarter a regular plate.

 

Here's the problem: this skinny vs fat thing is getting really bad I'm starting to wonder if I'm putting myself in danger. At one point when I was in East Lansing, I dropped three kilos (6.6 lbs) in about a week. I wish I did so by exercising or something healthy like that, but as much as I hate to admit it I lost that weight through skipping meals. A lot of them. It's almost like every meal I skipped adds an imaginary trophy to my imaginary shelf. Luckily not long later a really good friend helped me realize how dangerous this habit is, but I suppose I've fallen too deep into the hole already. I *know* I shouldn't skip meals, or eat the portion size of a toddler, or constantly worry about how I look in the mirror, but I still can't get the paranoia out of my head. To make matters worse I had a little bit of drama with said good friend and now we're not talking. I don't really have anyone else that provides me with the same amount of support, so I guess I'm all over the place.

 

Thank heavens Dime is here with me. He's really the only thing I miss. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even dream of going back home. I hate this place. Not because they make me feel ugly, but more because they blur the lines between paranoia and fact. How do I know these people are just being mean? What if they're right? If they're just mean, why would they do that? Are they trying to make me starve myself to death? What's so good about being skinny anyways? I honestly don't know, I just need to stop hearing people saying "you're fat". I'm supposed to be an educated person. Positive body image advertisements are all over the place in The U.S. Eating disorder is almost a pop culture term now. Body-shaming is a quick way to get flamed by the entire internet. Yet here I am.

 

I am a 168 cm (5' 6) tall person weighing between 55-57 kilos (121-125 lbs; fluctuates around that). Am I fat? How do I know if I'm not, or if I am? Do I listen to the BMI calculator, or do I listen to the people around me? How skinny is "skinny"? Will I ever be skinny enough?

 

Rant over

 

 

[Dan]

Fat at 55kg? I'd be long dead before I could even think of reaching a weight that low. All I can really think of is whether it's maybe a cultural thing? I dunno, seems like a pretty trivial thing to fuss over.

 

Buuuutt, probably the best advice I could offer is - if you feel happy with where you're at, who gives a crap what other people think? I've been fat my whole life and school was an absolute hell of a place for me because of it, but I learnt that there's a better place people can shove their opinions .. not saying I'm proud of my weight and I'd love to be skinny, but if I didn't learn to just put other people behind me I don't think I would have made it through highschool .. 

 

This is why we have dogs, they don't judge

Edited June 20, 2015 by Dan

[robke]

at that height and your weight you are not fat simply as that..

[robke]

but let's not kid ourselfs Liv you CAN NOT skip meals you need to eat your body needs nutrition....!!!!!

[BingBlaze n Skyla]

I know exactly how u feel , I get the same from my family n I know I've put on weight n compared to how much I did weigh I put on a lot , I'm trying to loose it but I'm doing it by cutting out chocolate and cheese which is what I mainly eat n I know that's where the weight has come from , but I'm doing it for me n me only , you're happiness should be their main concern not your weight which btw is not fat! I would love to weigh what u do again lol , robke is right tho liv don't skip meals just change what you eat if you're worried , u don't need a gym either just eat better , you're probably doing more damage not eating then u would if u had a big meal depending on what u actually eat , but ignore them ok be happy and love u for who u are

[BingBlaze n Skyla]

Fat at 55kg? I'd be long dead before I could even think of reaching a weight that low. All I can really think of is whether it's maybe a cultural thing? I dunno, seems like a pretty trivial thing to fuss over.

Buuuutt, probably the best advice I could offer is - if you feel happy with where you're at, who gives a crap what other people think? I've been fat my whole life and school was an absolute hell of a place for me because of it, but I learnt that there's a better place people can shove their opinions .. not saying I'm proud of my weight and I'd love to be skinny, but if I didn't learn to just put other people behind me I don't think I would have made it through highschool ..

This is why we have dogs, they don't judge

You can't win at school , I was naturally skinny when I was younger , same as my mum at the same age (7 1/2 stone) n got bullied for it :-( people will find anything to be nasty about unfortunately

[NOBELHOWLUC49]

Liv, You are not fat  and people who are saying that are probably jealous.  Take a good long look at them.  If you were a mean person (which I know you are not) you could probably go to town on there real faults.  My dad spent half my life telling me I was to skinny and so far the other half telling me I'm fat and getting old.  Did this bother me, honestly yes.  Do I care now.  No.  Do I visit much no, why cause  I can't be around someone who criticises every thing I do, say etc.   

 

Skipping meals is dangerous, and will effect your health when you are older.  Dog walking is far better for both your mental health and body health, eating good healthy balanced meals will keep weight in check far better than irregular meals.

 

Liv as you get older you learn to be who you are and not what other people want you to be.  Build a mental wall around you and think about something else whilst they are waffling on.  I found ignoring what my dad was saying and just randomly changing the subject to something I wanted to talk about, not only annoyed him but made him look a bit stupid.  My fathers card this year reads,  "Sometimes Dad you are right Happy Fathers day" he will know exactly what I mean.  Posted the card I'm a coward   

 

I think what I am trying to say is Life is to short to be worrying about what other people think.  You are far to intelligent to let these people make you angry and potentially ill.  Be sensible with your eating and exercise and keep loving that Diamond of yours and yourself.

[Emma]

Liv if you keep skipping meals and get a good feeling from doing so then you're at real risk of developing an eating disorder. Trust me I know, was heading in that direction myself in my teens and it's a really dangerous game. 55kg is not anywhere near an overweight marker, have a look online and check it out yourself. You'll soon see that you are not overweight by any stretch of the imagination. These days there's a lot of pressure to maintain an unrealistic body size. It's not sustainable to be a size 0 and people who take drastic measures to achieve that goal are taking big risks with their health long term. You're perfect as you are.

[SibeHush]

You're most certainly not fat. 5'6 @ 120-125lbs is perfectly healthy weight.

My unsolicited advice would be eat more, and burn more by picking up the pace on your daily doggy walks- not because you're fat or because your family (not sure if I'm allowed to say this...) are assholes, but because it would make you feel better physically and improve your confidence. Everything else aside- you need to improve your situation simply to preserve your own sanity. If you did more, but saw no improvements, you'd still feel better about yourself.

[loudlucky]

Wow, really they complain about that?? Seriously you need not to worry about it, stop skipping meals and rather find something that keeps you active & fit that you can enjoy without going to the gym as 'punishment'. Take up cycling or play something with other people, its a good way to make friends too ;-)

Rather spend your time at home with Dime and enjoy him while you're there! Dogs are way better than humans anyways...

[Mazz]

Just remember Liv, thin may be "in", but fat's where it's at!

[Tatipu]

I would kill to have your weight.   

A way for you to find out if you're "fat" is to figure out your body fat % .   Typically, the average woman is I think 25-30% body fat?    Above 30 is obese.  20-25 is "fit"  Keep in mind that it is ESSENTIAL to have body fat.  So though it may sound like a lot, it really isn't.    I believe you can take a test at your physician or gym .. or somewhere else.  I'm not sure where xD .  I went to the gym last year and got checked and unfortunately I rose to 25% from 18% .  (I blame college :c )  Even then, I felt like my gut area was still "fat" but it's all a mental thing I guess.  

A BMI calculator would be fine to have but it's not as accurate as getting your body fat % .    Since BMI does not take into account muscle mass.  (Muscle weighs more than fat)   I would be considered overweight on a BMI scale xD .

 

And I feel like it's particularly Asian/Oriental families that will criticize weight like no tomorrow.  It's mostly because you probably look different from when they last saw you.  (Though if you lost weight, I'm not sure why they would say you gained weight)  I know my grandma in particular called me fat in front of my face and she would rant on about how fat I was.  My mom and other female relatives are no different.  (I guess the males in my family are smart to not talk to a woman about her weight)  I get that it's a sensitive thing but, in the end, I just choose to ignore my family and do what I think is best for me which is still losing weight but it's for me, not them.

 

Anyway, by the weight and height you've given though, that is definitely no where near overweight.     Ignore the fam  >:c 

 

 

 

 

[Bambi92]

Liv, as everyone else has said skipping meals isn't the way to go and you'll do more damage then good. Not that I can talk I usually only eat one or two small meals a day. 

Im only a bit taller then you by a few cm's and I use to be 50-55kgs and had that body everyone was jealous of for years (which I sort of hated but now I'd love it back) now I'm 60-65kgs and that's a big difference looks wise but in saying that I have had a child and went from 50kgs to 90ishkgs by the end of my pregnancy and I still have some of the baby weight that just won't go away. 

Your defianately not fat I don't understand how anyone can justify themselves calling other fat especially someone young and who is obvisiouly not fat at all.

As long as your happy within yourself and happy with what you look like no one else's judgemental words matter. 

Your beautiful inside and out don't let them get to you  xxx