Sibe77 Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you"d better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter"s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don"t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I"m sure you"ve been told that in today"s world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early" Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don"tyou do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Rule Ten: Be afraid,. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camoflaged face at the window is mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelharou Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 Nice Now let me get some work done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valkyries Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 lol so glad ur not my dad xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kells xx Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 yeah that sounds about right, now make that three dads saying this and you have got me, my two brothers 25 and 13 are the same. if we are in town or anywhere and a bloke looks at me or makes a comment they are like rabid dogs, jump on him and wont let go till he stops moving. im the oldest child but only daughter and am well protected lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
furbabys Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 that makes another 2 dads to the list my dad and my 3 daughters dad aka (jitteryjoe) lol xxx but seriously thats brill xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 I'm gonna have that printed and posted on my front door. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosemary Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 That's very good. I was thinking of Andy and Kelly while reading it ...... in a previous thread it was poor Andy, now its poor Kelly:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tikaani&Aiyana Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 That sounds familiar! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 and. . . .me and Kelly's younger brother did Karate for 2 years. . .so yeah. . .you'd better watch out. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valkyries Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 oh poor kelly, i got an empty room if ya need it lol xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kells xx Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 ooooh dont tempt me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
furbabys Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 aww kelly stand behind me i did tai kwon do i will sort em out lmao xxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sibe77 Posted March 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 Pffft Martial arts! what you need is a good old fasioned football hooligan... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 People. . .please Kelly is not under threat, we're just trying to protect her virgini. . .(oh, shit no that's already gone) . . .erm. . . her. . .erm. .good reputation. . .thats all.. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BingBlaze n Skyla Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 lmao thats well funny tony lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 Pffft Martial arts! what you need is a good old fasioned football hooligan... Tony thats brilliant. . . My teacher always said it doesn't matter how "trained" you are if someone "gets the drop" on you're screwed As long as you can see the situation developing you can prepare and deal. Also too many martial arts require a lot of leg room to be effective. All a yob needs is nutting room. Still every little helps. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 LMAO so glad i'm not your daughter!! Poor Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted March 23, 2010 Report Share Posted March 23, 2010 LMAO so glad i'm not your daughter!! Poor Kelly What ? . . .what ? ,. . .what. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davidjk Posted April 3, 2010 Report Share Posted April 3, 2010 lol i might print this out and hand it to my daughters future boyfriends Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah Posted April 3, 2010 Report Share Posted April 3, 2010 lol i've got a stack of them at the ready Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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